My other thread kinda kicked this one off....... We have a lot of young parents here and would be parents .... There are some key things in raising children that I truly believe every parent should do. Now all these things are Biblical, but that doesn't mean you have to know the Bible to procure the same results .... God's precepts work for all that follow them, whether in ignorance or not.... Add to these if you would like and let me know if you concur ...... Affection - Hug your kids often .... sit next to them, tell them each day how much you love them. Appreciate them - let them know that they please you when they do. This builds confidence in their belief in their abilities. Most kids want to please their parents, especially if #1 is done. Discipline - Every home has standards or rules. When a child breaks them, there needs to be discipline. I believe in spanking for younger kids ... not abusing them, but correcting them. Kids need clear guidelines. They will not get those if you are wishy washy on your rules, and they will not respect your parental authority. By the way, without #1, this does not work real well You kids will actually react sorrowfully if they have disappointed you if #1 is done. Time - Spend time with your kids. Go on "dates" with them individually. Don't stick them in front of the TV or computer as a babysitter (a lot, anyway). Include them in what you are doing, and you will be creating bonds that will NEVER be broken. Encourage them to chase THEIR dreams, and learn to like what they do... Accessible - be there for your kids .... you want them to come to you and not their peers .... you need them to feel comfortable talking to you ... try not to react in anger .... remember what it was like when you were their age. DON'T make mountains out of Mole Hills!!! Pick your battles. Joy - be happy! There is nothing that hurts a child more than a whining, complaining parent ... When a home is full of joy, the kids want to be there! Your children are individuals ... let them be! Do not compromise YOUR standards, tho. There will be some things they don't agree with, but later on they will understand ... and maybe they wont. When they have children they can raise them as they see fit ... but it's funny to watch them act like their parents ... both good and bad at times :D Finally ...let them know you love them more than anything, sans your spouse (if your married). Never go against each other in front of the children..ESPECIALLY if it is about them! I am in no way saying that you all don't do this ... I believe MANY here do .. I can tell by the posts.... just some thoughts from the crazy preacher I know there are more, so add them!
I'll add a few. So far, they just refer to my daughter. I will address the important life issues with my son soon enough. 1. If you ever move away from Michigan, which is fine, but it must be somewhere I can hunt and/or fish when I visit. 2. Any boyfriend and/or husband must at least fish. Hunting is a bonus. 3. You are not allowed to attend, or date, anyone from Ohio State University. Outside of that, just the usual secondary stuff. You know, be nice to others, don't be selfish, listen to your parents...yada, yada, yada.
Good stuff, Tony. Pretty common sense stuff for good parenting. My situation is a little different, but I still talk or skype with my boys every day. I also fly in every there weeks and spend 4 days with them. It's just a bad situation that I would never wish on someone else. I just do the very best that I possibly can.
three things kids (boys in particular) need to hear from dad, I love you, I'm proud of you, and You're really good at ______!!!!
Along those same lines..... Good friend here on this site lost his dad a few years ago (dang, time flies). He told me he got to tell his dad many times, before he passed, that he was his hero. Somebody did something right, there.
One thing I make sure I do is tell my kids I love them and that "you did great!". I hug and kiss them like crazy, every day. I also tell them it is my job to teach them how to become good people and that if they get mad at me on some days and really don't like me, then that is the burden I bear. But to be honest with you guys, I sometimes do things as a parent that I look back on and think, "why in the hell did I do that?" I actually try to find the right time and talk with my kids and apologize to them, but I try to do it in a way that still allows them to understand that I am in charge and their father even when I am apologizing. I am learning how to be a better parent each day. Some days I feel like I just suck.
THIS is one of the things I started this thread to say and I never said it!!! ABSOLUTELY be able to say I am sorry to your children and ask for forgiveness ... right on, Brett!
All the above is true but means nothing without actually spending time with them. Always make time for them and they will make time for you. Encourage them to try and allow them to fail. Failure is important in life. We learn more through failure than success.(I should be the smartest person on earth)
I really make this important. Everyday I let my two children know how much I love them. I would say about 99% of the time they will come up out of the blue, give me a hug and tell me they love me as well. I believe if you get it instilled early, they will continue it.
You guys are trying too hard. I didn't get hugs, nothing I could do was good enough, my mom married and divorced three times during my childhood. Real father was an abusive alcoholic, her second husband (who I consider my dad) had a bad stint as a drug dealer/addict , Mom's third husband (he was never my 'dad') was a jerk and pathological liar.... even when he was sent off to the federal pen, he lied about it to his kids (but they knew). And look, I turned out okay! :D Wait, on second thought, you'd better listen to Tony.
LOL! All joking aside, there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule.... even if all the things mentioned ARE done, kids can still decide to go wayward.. but I believe that will be the exception ...
It's a different world these days. Kids are spoiled rotten and do what they want. Parents give In to them way too much. For teachers It's gotta be tough. I couldn't do It, I'd be In trouble with giving the spoiled brats an ass chewing. The old days of raising kids and discipline are out the window with the parents of today. I always tell my daughter I love her but at the same time I won't hesitate to give her a little slap on the butt when needed. I was guilty of this to begin with but have turned the corner allot. As a dad I may not care for playing with barbies but It Is something she enjoys and wants dad (me) to do with her. We were close already but we got even closer after I started doing this with her. Great point here Tony!! So so true. This Is one thing my parents did too much. At times when they argued It was In front of my brother and I. It hurt listening to them. I will never make this a habit In front of my daughter. Every once In a while It may happen but It doesn't happen much at all.
Schultzy I think some parents give to much, some parents care to little and teachers are caught in the middle. Try to teach a kid who "can do no wrong" or try and teach one "who just does not care". It's tough deal for sure. The most telling thing I have witness about the lack of parenting is at my daughters school. She attends a really good public school, both private schools in my area closed, but I think her current school is better. This year they started serving breakfast in the morning. We now have enough parents sending their kids to school without breakfast, I find that amazing!!!!!!
I have no idea what that means. Heard it many, many times....and I still think it's true.... The greatest gift a father can give his children...is to love their mother.
