I definitely see this as an advantage of the changes. Most people (myself included), don’t know what their real values are till they turn 30. Most people still have a lot of growing up to do that are that age.
Agreed. It takes people longer to figure out their lives now. College takes longer, training takes longer, people move for careers more often, etc. 35 is the new 25.
Anyone with a brain can see I don't CARE when people get married. I just noticed a trend and wanted to discuss the why and if we are better/worse off. Pretty simple.
Its obvious he's feeling the pressure. And its never good when a guy says "you sound like my girlfriend". Pretty low blow there, IC2M.
I had a gym teacher in high school every day there was 2 things on his mind he would openly speak about. #1 was running 26.2 mile marathons and if you were lucky enough to be be on the varsity baseball team which he coached you would surely have to run at least one. #2 was the ole ball and chain discussion he would preach never get married before you are 30 boys lol... But the way I see it I am almost 23 I see no need to rush anything I just need to wait for the right one. I am enjoying the things I love to do, hunting, fishing, hanging out with friends, and if the lady friend is not down with that fine by me I don't need the nagging to do this or that or in extreme cases try and tell me what I can or can't do. I value my free time and after all I am young I am supposed to think this way right?
Though the divorce rate and the number of children that grew up in single parent households is part of the problem, it's also because we come from a society that promotes instant gratification and disposability. If you're not married, once you get a little bored, it's easier to get rid of the present partner and go looking for the new improved model. I grew up in the era that you saved for everything you wanted other than buying a home with a mortgage. If it wasn't broken, you didn't replace it and even if it was broken, you attempted to fix it BEFORE tossing it out and getting a new one (to include marriages). Someone once said "For a marriage to work, both parties have to want health and happiness for their spouse more than they want it for themselves." In this "Me" generation, that concept is unfathomable.
I just got married this May at 21. Yes it is young and I never thought I would be married already but I got the one and couldn't let her go. I got her into hunting so I hunt whenever I want even if she doesn't go because she knows how amazing it is. There is no problem waiting tho! Sent from my SPH-M900 using Tapatalk
I'm sure no other 21 year old ever thought that...before eventually getting divorced. Good luck to you though, kid. Marriage really isn't that hard if you marry the right person. Identifying the right person earlier in life is the hard part. Some people make it sound like its hard, selfless work...they actually make it sound pretty awful. No wonder kids don't want to get married.
It's only been that last 60-70 years since that the thought of love and happiness we even considered as a reason for marriage. You married to merge one family with another and to the next generation together. Love and happiness was secondary if at all important. People and family's worked together for survival. Many if not most societys in the world still work that way. Couples worked with what they got but it was not about each individuals happiness but the family's as a whole.
Vito nailed it. IMO it is all about careers now. Sure some have a party itch that they never fully scratch and go on as highschoolers into their 30s....but they are the far minority to those that go to college and try to set up a life before looking that direction. I've dated. I've dated a girl I was near certain I would be happy marrying. I will NOT make that move until I am 100% financially capable of it. I see so many kids my age getting hitched up while their dad still forks over for their cell phone bill. I will have gone through 7 years of college when I graduate, and will likely be $200k+ in the hole. My focus on life first and foremost is to succeed and be happy, but if I do want to settle down it will be when I can afford it and afford that person what they deserve. Who knows where life will take me, but marrying young simply is not an option for me....no matter my certainty for the person. If they are that certain about you as well, they will be okay with waiting until you both are more stable in your life. Some of my friends get married as soon as they knock a girl up. Talk about the odds being stacked against you. Broken home in the making in most cases. Others move out of mom/dads house and in with their spouse...how are they supposed to know how to support themselves in life? I see no downside to holding off on marriage until it makes more sense, even if a kid is in the picture. Marriages will do better, family life will improve, financial hardships won't be as severe.... Good things come to those who wait.
I believe people that wait until their later years to get married are just selfish assuming they "just opted not to”. More so, if they choose specifically to wait to have kids in their later years. I don't think it’s fair to the kids. Point being my best friends parents passed away before he was halfway through high school. Both of them were in their early 70s. What were they thinking??? I still think about those days I spent with him and the suffering he endured do to what I now think were selfish decisions. There is never a perfect time to get married. More importantly there is never a perfect time to have kids. If a family is important to you it's something you have to work at, just like school, a career path, or anything else for that matter. I can see a lot of these kids now a days growing old alone and dying alone.
You also don't see it being selfish and unfair to get hitched at 20, kid by 22 and then struggle to even make ends meet until the kid is practically an adult? Parents of newborns in their late 50s as your friends were are rare, parents of kids at 22 when they don't have a stable career, house, car, or often times stable relationship are MUCH more common. Which is more unfair to kids? Im a huge advocate of waiting until your late 20s early 30s to have kids. Most of your growing up is done by this point and you are much more well off financially to give a kid everything he deserves in life. Of all my friends who had it rough in life, EVERY single one of them involved a parent no more than 18-20 years older than them.
Face it..... the avoiding marriage is a result of your upbringing and childhood. If you're raised with strong stable family values.... it's important to you. If you're raised with the me.. ME.... ME attitude.... well family is not generally as important. It becomes why buy a cow when the milk is free deal for sure. I personnally think having kids at real late date in life is unresponsible. Why would you have a kid in your 50s.... knowing you aren't going to be worth crap as far as relating with their life. And YUP... a lot of you would die with the kid still in highschool. That doesn't do much for family values and upbringing. I think I got married at the perfect age... 27. I'd been around the world, spent a couple years in war and was ready to enjoy the life I had as a kid. My kid got married at 27. He turns 40 next week. He screwed up.... no kids yet... and as Vito said, they're both wrapped up in careers. Go figure. I screwed up I guess somewhere along the way. He doesn't have time for kids. They're off every time you turn around taking a cruise, or skiing or something. I'm a failure. LOL
Sure some of those things you mentioned are important. I don't disagree, just seems there is a lot of excuses out there. Marrige and having kids is a life long comittment and will not go without sacrifice.
Agreed, which is why thought should go into the timing of it. And I 100% disagree with Davidmil, respectfully. I couldn't design a better upbringing if I sat down and thought it out with pen and paper. I had the perfect set of parents who dedicated their lives to my happiness. But they also waited until they were 29, and no longer living in their trailer before having me. I think the reason you list is why people should NOT have kids until they are around 30. They aren't a pet, they aren't something you do because you are supposed to. They deserve everything you can give them, and then some, both financially and time wise. Marriages and families both would be better off if people didn't rush into them. Sure there are success stories of it working, but that is with level headed people. Those same people would have been successful had they of waited as well.
