Um she read about it on the computer, I do not think rape videos are allowed to be watch on the Internet that are felony cases, being the other girl may be a minor. Watching that video would be a crime if the girl was a minor. He was charged, but as you stated many times all deserve their day in court. I am not shocked you changed your views, we all do.
I know that he has not been convicted yet, but the police have the video from his phone and that is proof enough for me. Not to mention, as he was trying to convince her that "it wasn't as bad as it seems", he admitted to recording it. He isn't denying that. These boys all claim that she knew what she was doing. But, in the paper, it says she was so drunk she didn't know what was happening and at some point she did try to get away. I don't care what the scenario was...it is still WRONG! It is still RAPE! I did explain to her the severity of the situation and try to get her to understand if this were to happen to her or one of her closest friends. I really do think she understood, but one of her faults, she wants to see the good in everybody and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. I am just not willing to take that chance with this kid. Her and I have a very good relationship. She will eventually be my step daughter (just isn't official yet), but I treat her as if she were my own. She lives with us full time and she says she finally has a mom. She sees her biological mom a few times a month and was never really a good role model. When she was with her mother she never had rules. She did what she wanted, when she wanted. So, in the year living with us, it has been a huge change for her. She has rules and expectations and she says as strict as we are, she is happier with us. She went from missing more days of school than going and from D's and F's and drinking at parties to only missing a half day all year and only having 1 C and rest A's and B's and choosing not to go to certain parties. So, she has come a long way! When we talked to her about this, we told her that we have never forbid her to do anything, we just tried to teach her right from wrong and making good choices and have trusted her to do the rest. However, in this case, we are not going to let her put herself in an already dangerous situation. We are putting our foot down in this situation. There is no way that her dad would even consider a sit down with him. I would be afraid for this kids life. It has only been a few days since we found out and this kid drives out of his way to avoid our house because her dad has given him looks that I am sure gives him nightmares. This kid even sat in his truck until my boyfriend came back in the house. Yea, there is no talking there. As far as this kid's parents...they are never home. This kid comes and goes as he pleases. One good thing, the house that they are living in has been in forclosure and their time there is limited. Not to mention, with the severity of the charges, if he is convicted...hopefully he will be sent away for a long time!
Forbidding the daughter from seeing this sleeze will only tempt her more. Dad sits down with sleeze dog and says "Listen here, I do not want you around my daughter but she is a little bit strong headed. So, whether or not you did what is reported in the newspaper, if you do anything that I would not be happy about with/to her, I have no problem with going back to prison for what I will do to you. Understood?" Or the other variation ends with "After I get done with you, I may spend the rest of my life in prison, but that whole time you'll already be in hell." If the boy has even an inkling of intelligence, the daughter won't be so enticing anymore.
1st time, do what you guys think is best, fact she is not your daughter does put an extra wrinkle in this case. Honestly having a man sit down with this kid and talk with him would be a good thing. Maybe if more of us men stood up and took some time to show some of these misguide boys how to be a man we would have less problems. As for the video, well I have had many talks with my daughter about not putting yourself in those situations. One cannot trust others to do right thing in today's world.
Not if your daughter respects you ... my daughters respected us ... they were put in that position many times and deferred to dad ... every time
You are right. I do walk a fine line with this one because she is not my biological daughter, but when her dad and I moved in together and talked about marriage (I know...non christian thing to do), I said that I wasn't going to treat her any differently than I would my biological daughter...and I don't. This isn't really new to her. Her dad is not her biological dad either. So, she lives with 2 people that love her very much and neither one of us share her DNA. She calls me mom and says that because I give her rules and love her unconditionally, she looks at me like a mom and respects me...her first mom she has ever had. Her dad does the same for my daughter. It has taken a while and hasn't always been easy, but we have become very close because of it all.
I totally agree. This will definitely make her want to date him almost out of spite. I would try to reason with her and be blunt, ask her how would she feel if that was her on the video because chances are he is going to try that. I have a daughter that is 8 and I dread the day she starts dating. Good luck I hope every thing works out for you.
I totally disagree. Tom, if you have/are making her more important than your hobbies, work, buddies, etc, then she will love and respect you .... and listen to you ...even when she is a teen
I raised four daughters and learned not to major on the minors. This is major! Your keep that little son of a ***** away from your girl no matter what it takes.
I can't believe that you're even asking this. Protect that child. No contact with that scum. If he persists..... restraining order. In the long run your daughter will get over it. There are many more respectful boys out there for her to date. Maybe she needs some activities away from the neighborhood. Someplace where she can meet and socialize with decent, respectful kids. She must be choosy. So should you. Being a parent can be difficult at times. Many parents make the mistake of trying to be friends with their children instead of being a parent.
I wasn't asking what I should do. I did it. I said she is not allowed to hang out with him at all...and her dad and I will do everything we can to make sure that happens. I was asking what YOU would do? Not everybody parents the same way and there are many effective ways to parent. I have only been a parent for 6 years and by no means am I the perfect parent. But, I do my best and I will always have the kids safety and best interest in mind when it comes to my decisions. At the same time, I can learn from other parents also.
I would just talk to her like she was an intelligent person. Explain my concerns and reasons for those concerns. Kids are smart and i would hope if I did my job they would make the right choice.
Germ I'd like to think you are joking and are not serious with the post above but I honestly don't know anymore. I do believe if the kid is charged with a crime he deserves his day in court and I never said anything to the contrary nor did I change my views. I read this: "I guess what happened is that they were all at a party and a boy raped a girl and this "crush", along with others, recorded it on their phones for 4 minutes. Not only did this specific kid record it, but he also was telling the boy what acts to perform on this girl while he was recording. I pulled it up on the computer and we both stared at the computer in disbelief." I thought maybe she saw it on youtube or some idiot posted it on facebook or something like that, apparently she read the charges or description of the charges which were something along the lines of he recorded the alleged rape of some girl. Either way that has exactly nothing to do with if I would want my daughter dating him or even around him even though he sounds like a real class act. I know it's a lot to take in but try to wrap your brain around it, found guilty or not he's a d-bag not worthy of my daughter. I never said I wanted Zimmerman as a neighbor either. Again I know this is a lot to comprehend and I apologize in advance. love nate
I'd take a hard line on NO CONTACT/NO EXCEPTIONS with the dirt bag.... Like to think I will trust my daughters as they get older, but regardless, I'd also do some surprise 'spot checking' for compliance...
The next line is "after reading that", it does not take much reading comprehension to understand that line. Yes I am messing with you, because like most fathers here, you think the kid is guilty and a door knob.
Bruce, you and I are alike in this regard..... "One of my cardinal rules is to step in and help when someone is being bullied, abused, taken advantage of, picked on, etc. If I hear that they just stood by or worse, then there will be dire consequences. I make that clear from when they are young and keep reminding them as they grow." Good stuff and I believe too many people these days shy away from standing up for others DURING the moment, not after. People are just too afraid to respond. I cannot tell you how many times we respond to people who are hurt by others as groups of people just watched and did nothing. As for your question 1st Time Hunter...NO CONTACT at all. If you have to, spell it out to your daughter. Imagine being tied down, wasted drunk, whatever.....and having some creep (well you get the rest), while some sicko tapes it. NO contact and if need be, trespass the "kid" from your property and call the police if he steps on your property. Problem solved as the kids goes bye bye with the police.
Melissa, posts like this make me smile. You seem like an honest person who is not a know it all. I am a parent of 3 kids under the age of 10 and I learn something new everyday. I also make mistakes as a parent every day and learning from others makes me a better parent. Brett
Just because a teenager does something that their parents say not to doesn't mean they don't respect their parents... I respect the hell out of both my mom and my dad and have done things that they said not to, it's all part of life.
