Good stuff everyone.... One thought I had.... I believe there would be more stay at home mothers out there if parents were willing to live with less toys...
A lot more goes into that, Tony and I think you know that. Cost of living is always increasing, and as such, so is the cost of raising a child. Everyone's situation is different. Different taxes, different bills (yes, essentialls, not credit card debt or toys), student loans, etc. Not to mention prehaps wanting to provide a better life for the child (saving for college, establishing a trust, perhaps purchasing ground to leave to them and their children, etc.). I'm not afraid to admit that my wife and I make above average income for our area, but neither of us are comfortable taking the financial hit of one of us staying home with a child. We have student loans, No tractors, four wheelers, or $35k pickups in my driveway, either. Heck, I didn't buy onesingle thing at the Outdoor Show last weekend:D. We save, we live below our means, and hopefully we will provide our future child (children) with a loving home and a great life. We have our priorities straight, imho. Sent from Samsung Galaxy Note 10.1
By no means did I want that to be a blanket statement.... As you know, Matt, there are plenty it covers though
I've essentially been a stay at home dad for the last few years, since we moved home from Canada. My new gig will cut into it a lot, but I'll still have a lot of time with the kids, essentially becoming a SAHD in the winter. I wouldn't trade my time with my kids for the world.
I think the importance of a mother being able to raise her children for the first few years of its life far outweighs any financial gain you can give them later in life. Developmentally, its just too important.
Agreed. We certainly live a MUCH better life than are parents did. I like I grew up kind of middle class and my parents would only go out maybe once a month and we might ordering pizza once a month as well. My dad had one nice car and a beater van. We did all own lawn care and painting or anything else that needed to be done. All the meals my Mom made were from scratch so that kept the cost down as well. I give a lot of credit to stay at home Moms. I couldn't do it.
It's not really that simple. We live frugally. Our house is about 1,000 sq. ft. Both vehicles are paid for, a '98 S10 Blazer and a '03 Cavalier. We do have a cabin on the U.P. We don't have cable and we don't go on expensive vacations. I am still using the bow we bought for $20 at a yard sale. My intent when we married was to actually be a stay-at-home mama. But my husband informed me that I was to continue on to college because of my abilities. (I took an oath of obedience, so I had no choice.) I ended up going on to grad school and am now pursuing a Ph.D. I find my work very exciting and rewarding. I'm not sure how I would occupy my time if I had to stay home all day. We have two daughters. I nursed both of them for a little more than two years each. Neither one has ever had milk from a bottle. But our doing this does, I'll admit help if both husband and wife have some flexibility in scheduling. In our case, if one of us cannot be home, the other one often can be. If both of us have an obligation, then obasaan (grandma) will come over to care for them. For today, my husband can work from home all day. I will have to leave very soon and will be back in time to prepare supper. This also requires a lot of sharing of household responsibilities. I do about 90% of the cooking, and therefore, most of the grocery shopping. But my husband takes care of many tasks that I would do if I were a stay-at-home mama. The girls also help with the household tasks and with shopping. Both of them assist me with preparing meals and Miriam (she's six) can do almost everything I can do, although I am cautious with her around the wok. We do everything together, the four of us, except Michelle (she's three) does not go with us when we are actually hunting. We all four scout together. Even though I have a career outside our home, my whole life is centered around our home and my family. I have been invited to go out to have a drink or so with the fellow students with whom I work, but I always decline. My husband will have lunch with a client on occasion, but he doesn't go out with "the guys" in the evening. Whatever we do, we do together. So I think a mother can work at a job or career if she uses her time to be with her family as much as possible. This, though, is easy for me because my mother raised me to be typical Japanese wife, so having my home as the center of my life, even though I have an exciting career, seems very normal. I have to go now.
Not that I don't disagree with the benefits of having a stay at home mother, it's just not a black and white decision. It's a decision everyone has to make based on their individual perceptions. There are plenty of adults running around that are perfect productive members of society who didn't have a stay at home mom, either. Realistically, with the economy, job situation, cost of living, etc., and ignoring the single parent "crisis", the stay at home mother is going to become less and less the norm.
I simply cant imagine anyone caring for my kids, especially in their first years, with the same amount of tenderness, devotion, and love as my wife does. You just aren't gonna get that at any daycare. Guess I'll be drivin that beat up Z-71 a few more years. But as always... to each his own I'll also add that my perspective on these things changed immediately once my firstborn arrived......
It is definitely a personal choice - and I'm proud my wife can say she has done all 3: -worked full time with first child -worked half days up until 3rd child -Has stayed home with since then, now have 4 children I think this also shows that number of children have a lot to do with it. 1 makes it a lot easier. We were also spoiled that both Grandma's live in town and were our "daycare"...I actually would never trust a baby child to someone beside immediate family - but I'm a control freak. My 3rd just started K, and my last turns 3 in March...so we have a couple more years at least of wife staying home. But now this issue becomes our schedule...the oldest 3 do every sport, dance, Tae Kwon Do...NO WAY could we both work 8-5 jobs. Staying at home is also not for all women, especially if they are not willing to work way harder than a day job...my wife is dynamite teaching/learning/experiences for the kids, and I have no doubt this is directly related to their current grades and accolades. ...one thing I know - if you don't have kids yet - you cannot really plan on what you will do...when momma holds that baby for the first time, everything changes!
I wish my wife could stay at home, and she could, if we downgraded our home, never went on vacation, never socialized with friends, and did not save for the future. But we feel all of those things are important. But if we did not have our in home nanny, we would give up those things for my wife to stay home. I don't know if we could do daycare. Our nanny is only with our daughter 6 hr/day, 4 days a week and she is awesome. I'm happy with our decision.
My mom stayed at home until my sister started high school and got home before I would. I would say if you can afford to do it then go for it for anyone on the fence. With our kids we simply could not afford to live where we were if my wife did not work. Thank goodness my MIL volunteered to help us out, that and a flexible enough work schedule for my wife got us to where we are now. If we hadn't had my MIL though I think we would have made a change so my wife would have been able to stay home. The thought of dropping off a newborn at a daycare would have been too much for us to handle.
The next best thing IMO is my mother has stayed with my kids from when they were born until the youngest will start pre school. She comes to my house which is extra nice.
I had a part time momma....she was home for the better part of my childhood till about age 4 or 5 then part time work then middle school age she went back to full time. My dream is to be able to provide enough that my wife can stay home and work from home if nothing else...God willing this will not be a dream but a reality.
My mom was a SAH until I was 6 and my folks divorced. Then she went to school and worked. I'm not sure what our plan would be if we decided to have children, but living where we work would make it pretty easy. Almost all of my friends that have kids have both parents working, but my sister-in-law stays at home with their 5 kids.
As you know, we lived nearly the same exact life as you are Mike. Having kids up there was both easier and harder. The only part that was harder was when we both had work that needed to be done, one of us had to be with the kids.
Every other woman in my family is a SAHM. My mom, my sister, and my SIL are/were all SAHMs. So my wife gets pressure or feels like she is looked down upon sometimes because she does work, which sucks. My brother makes ridiculous money, so his wife lives a life of luxury, and they only live 5 minutes from my mom, so they have a free babysitter whenever they want to go out. My sister, however, barely gets by, and she would probably work, but with 3 kids under 4, and with her education being in education, daycare would cost more than she would bring home. They are struggling right now. I'm sure she wishes she could go back to work just to get ahead a bit with finances.
My wife will be a stay at home mom most of the time....but working part time while Grandma comes for a day or two per week. I am glad for this. My mom was not....but that didnt bother me or my siblings.
If it were just a case of my wife working so we could "have more," she would be staying home with the girls. She started receiving a stipend when she started grad school, but until then we got along on my income just fine.
Yeah, the owners did it with their two kids. Then added #s 3 &4. That's why they hired us. I should have also prefaced my statement by saying that the "IF" gets bigger each year. I'm not sure we're going to have to make the decision at all.
