That cracked me up! Funny stuff right there. Me personally...mom tried to get me with the fly swatter and I would just laugh...dad didn't use any object besides his hand and I remember actually peeing my pants once from the fear. I think that was the last beating I got around the age of 7 or so.
My son is 32 and I have never had to pick him up from jail. I don't see my daughter (9) heading towards jail either. I am not sure what the difference in spanking and beating is but, everything I have read about what your (not anyone in particular) parents did to you doesn't really meet my definition of spanking. Switches, sticks, spoons, leather belts, welts that won't go away for days, hitting until bleeding, none of that sounds like spanking. It's interesting, someone says "harvest" when talking about killing a deer and people comment on that "politically correct" word with disdain. "You're not harvesting a crop you're killing an animal.". Now, someone says "beating" your child and everyone says "not beating" but "spanking" or "correcting". What is the difference in spanking and beating. They both involve hitting and pain. I just can't see myself, a 200 lb man, hitting my daughter, a 70lb child, because she did something I didn't approve of. But, that's me and my children.
Mom would use the wooden spoon, dad would use his hand, belt or whatever he could get ahold of. My sister and I would be in the back seat of the car acting up, and with one smooth motion, mom would swing the spoon in an arc and not car whom she hit, nor where. Typically, it was my sister, as the arc of the swing couldn't reach behind the driver's seat. After a while, the spoon ladle split lengthwise, and she got more speed out of it. The worst beating I ever got, was when I was 11, I did something to get (don't recall what though.. ) a beating from my mom and then a beating again from my dad when he got home from work. He started with his hand and I started laughing, so he got really mad and used his belt, which made me laugh even more. Hurt like crazy, but I kept laughing through the whole thing. Last beating I ever got. My wife and I have spanked our son briefly when necessary. After a while, it didn't work for discipline, so we went from taking away toys, groundings, etc and each worked for a little while. What I found to work best and didn't require any kind of physical contact aside from a quick placement, was to put his nose to the wall and keep it there. Each time it got successively worse up to the point of him having his nose to the wall, standing on his toes with his arms held out in a perfectly horizontal crucifix for over 20 minutes at a time. One time, he really got it and had to do over an hour of intermittent crucifix holds. Boot camp sand pit "corrective learning" gave me a whole wealth of knowledge for punishing kids. :D Haven't had to do it for a while, but to this day, I think he fears that punishment more than anything else... He's 18 now, and I just tell him "If you think it's that bad, you know where the door is. But, what are you going to do when you get to MCRD?"
guess i cant give you a "good" deffinition but i can say all of my spankins/whoopings were done out of love and my parents/uncles/aunts wanting me to listen or do the right thing. only way i can explain is that having talked to guys who's parents BEAT them it was nothing like what i experienced. after each one they would sit me down and made me tell them why i got a whooping and what i needed to do not to get another one. then kiss them and tell them i loved them....every time. diff strokes for diff folks i suppose
Isaiah, your uncles and aunts used to give you spankings too? I've spanked Wyatt 2 times and I don't think I will have to again. But, if his aunts or uncles spanked him, I would beat the **** out of them.
pops caught me smoking cig butts twice....... 1st time he took it easy on me and just made me lick the ash tray 2nd time i was put in the closet with a pack of smokes a lighter and a five gallon bucket. he said i couldnt come out till i either ate the cigs or smoked em all! i asked what the bucket was for............... never touched a cig in my life
my parents motto: if you are at your aunts/uncles/grandparents/or even friends house they are your parents until mom and dad pick you up or you get home. yes sir no sir yes mamm no mamm please and thank you. to all of my coaches thru the years my father would pull him aside after the first practice and say that if my son gets outta line you have my blessing to treat him as you would your own kids. he had made the same phone call to all of my bosses in my professional life as well. Dan Reeves, Denny Green, Tice, Chilly and Lovie all got a call from my dad at one point saying that i represent the Harris name and that if ever i mess up treat him as if he was your son. pops is a diff cat now.... dirt poor, projects of Easton, PA, grammi had him at 13 yrs old, nana had grammi at 12yrs old, 6 brothers/sisters all diff daddies, viet nam after HS (messed with him and still does), 7 kidney surgeries, hear attacks, strokes and still kicking and pissed off as ever! .....im sure some of you are reading this in shock, but he never had a dad and was raised pretty tough. he let me know on many occaisions that he has no formal training on being a dad and he is just doing the best he knows how. i have a lot be be thankful for and especially my folks being in the military. had i not been brought up hard i have no doubt i would not be the man i am today, or even alive.........
Everything in life is a balance IMO. What is interesting, is every kid I grew up with who got intense discipline, I am talking about bruises, bleeding, and full out punches, ended up doing the same or in jail. I have learned that every child is different. Even though it natural to try to use the same rules as we grew up with on our children, it doesn't away work. I have learned that a child will keep you on your toes. A discipline that works today, might not work tomorrow. One thing I have noticed with this thread is many posters want to post how they were disciplined and somehow want to apply it to thier children. That makes very little sense to me.
That's very cool, Isaiah! Sounds like you have a very cool father, one to be proud of. I was raised in a similar manner in regards to being disciplined/punished/spanked by aunts, uncles, family friends as well. It's how I view it. Also, if a parent isn't going to discipline their child, someone needs to. If it causes issues with parents, they can take it up with me. Only had one parent throw a fit about it, and it was my wife's oldest sister. She refused to talk to me for a year over it. Yet, my wife and everyone else in her family, including my SiL's husband, backed me up on it. Interesting list of bosses you have there.
Good stuff. My answer to the question about the difference between beating and spanking is this. I would never condone or do I currently spank my child to leave welts, bruises, etc. Its more or less a firm smack on the butt as an attention getter and a "talkin' to". The people who "whoop" their kids, leave welts, bruises, bleeding, etc., in IMO, is BS and hope that someone puts a whoopin on them for beating and abusing their kids. There is no reason on this earth to mistreat or abuse a child.
I can surely see your point. I don't think you can predict a child's behavior based on whether or not they were physically disciplined. I know I would have behaved differently had I not been afraid of what my mother would do if I misbehaved. But other people are different. I really didn't get whipped very often at all, but when I did, it left a mark. No pun intended. As I said in my post, mama did not punish me because she was angry. She felt that would be very wrong. I don't feel that physical punishment of kids under say, six or seven, is appropriate. Below that age they are pretty much under your close supervision and it is easily possible to correct their behvior without physical punishment. I think spanking involves the use of your hand. Had my mother used her hjand it would have been a joke. Beating always sounds more harsh, although my dictionary includes spanking, whipping, etc., in the definition. Miriam is only three. We don't feel she would really understand why we were hurting her, nor would it be appropriate for the kind of misbehaviors of which she is capable. If she gets troublesome, we just remove her from the situation. We sheep nip disobedient lambs with our teeth
I had to spank my oldest just once. One swat on the bottom. She was still in diapers so it couldn't have been physically painful. Still, she bawled like crazy for a bit. She told me years later that she knew then that she couldn't get away with anything. I will always believe that that one swat made a huge difference in her life as well as mine.
I have swatted Lily twice. I probably never will again, I can't say for sure. I generally dont need to. I can raise my voice and bring her to tears. I don't much like to do that either but at times I have to. Haley and Sheree are a whole 'nother ballgame. I sit them down and have a talk. They are old enough, (14 & 17), to be able to reason with them. If reason doesn't work they might lose a cell phone or ipod for a week. That is devistating to them. The couple of times I swatted Lily on her butt was for her doing dangerous stuff. One involved a pot of boiling water, the other playing with a lighter. It was a fear reaction on my part and it got the message across. I don't ever want my daughter to have a physical fear of me the way I feared my dad. I want her respect not her fear. I was beaten, not spanked as a child. I pray that will never happen in my home.
I think there is a place for a spanking, a beating in rage or anger...absolutely not. Both my boys have had spankings but not very often. I got a few good spankings when I was growing up and I can not think of one that I did not deserve or need at that time. There was an age when my dad told me, your too old for spankings, I will treat you like a man from here on out.. I think it was when I was 13 or 14... Dad never even hinted like he would spank me in my teens..... but one time, just once... while sitting in church... I was being a smart ass punk to my mother. All of the sudden I saw "stars" for the first time in my life! I never saw it coming..... I looked at my dad as his arm was around my mother whom was sitting between us.. his hand was very close to my jaw before and after the stars.. as I came to my senses he looked at me and whispered, "Dont ever talk to my wife like that again" .... enough said, Dad and I never ever had a problem from that day forward to the day he died when I was 17. I never forgot that lesson.. That wasnt my mom in that church that I was back talking that was my dads wife... I have told my oldest son who will turn 10 in April that hes too old for spankings and that I dont ever want to have to spank him again. I don't plan on it. I will use push ups and or put him to work if he needs discipline or take away his priviledges etc.. My 7 year old boy still may have one or two spakings left in him but he hears all the lectures the older one gets and my 7 year old HATES the few spankins he has gotten..so he is pretty savvy about avoiding them. I hope both of my boys are done with spankings.. about the only thing that would stir one up is if they are disprespectful to their mom.
Nope, dont believe in them. Never got one growing up, and neither have my Son, or my Step Son. I think its because I watched my older sister really get some beatings when I was younger.
Speaking of discipline (warning, NWS language used): http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhBtdQvDJLQy55M05q
