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Socially Unacceptable Humor

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by davidmil, May 24, 2012.

  1. davidmil

    davidmil Grizzled Veteran

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    Socially Unacceptable Humor

    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."

    I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

    My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

    Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

    A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".

    The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

    At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!

    One of the other questions that I missed was to name one thing commonly found in cells. It appears that Mexicans is not the correct answer either.

    There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.

    A buddy of mine has just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."

    Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard.

    The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway.






    =
     
  2. USFAN51473

    USFAN51473 Weekend Warrior

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  3. 1st Time Hunter

    1st Time Hunter Weekend Warrior

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    I laughed...a lot!
     
  4. 130Woodman

    130Woodman Grizzled Veteran

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    I don't get it!!
     
  5. Justin

    Justin Administrator

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    This doesn't surprise me.
     
  6. gutone4me

    gutone4me Grizzled Veteran

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    Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people-porn, you sick bastard.

    :lol: :lol:
     
  7. Aaron

    Aaron Grizzled Veteran

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    So how do you know if you've walked into a Gay bar?


    When a gentleman walks up to you and asks if he can push your stool in for you... You look down, and see that it's bolted to the floor...
     
  8. Afflicted

    Afflicted Grizzled Veteran

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    Great stuff you sick bast@$#!

    LOL

    I'll have to pass them along to my sick friends.
     
  9. The Amatuer

    The Amatuer Die Hard Bowhunter

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    My wife is mad I'm LMAO!!

    One day, Little Suzy goes swimming in the lake with her grandmother. After they get out they go to shower.
    “Grandma” Little Suzy asks, pointing between her grandmother’s legs. “What’s that?”
    “Oh,” her grandmother replies. “That’s my beaver, dear.”

    The next day Little Suzy goes swimming with her mother, and they go showering afterwards too. “Mommy, is that your beaver?” asks the girl.
    “Er, yes it is, Suzy. Where did you learn that?” her mother answers.
    “From Grandma. But I think hers is dead because its tongue was sticking out.”
     
  10. NC_Bowhunter

    NC_Bowhunter Die Hard Bowhunter

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    bahahahaha
     

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