So my BIL showed up at my house at 6 am on Saturday morning...

...and said "I got fired from my job (barista), and my girlfriend told me she is moving to Tennessee. Can I stay with you guys for a while?"

So he has been staying with us since, and since he has no job right now, and my wife feels sorry for him, we have been paying for everything. He accompanied us on our couples date Saturday night with some friends (which was awkward as hell). He came to brunch with me and the wife on Sunday morning. He came to dinner with us last night. He has been piling up dishing in my sink. He has complained that we do not keep snacks or sodas in the house. He slept till 3 pm yesterday.

At what point do I become the ******* and ask him how long he plans on staying? My wife won't let me ask right now. I keep trying to remind myself what I would do if it was my brother, but then I remember that my brother is a very successful engineer...

 

My BIL stayed with us for about 10 months in 2010. Before he even moved in we put down some simple ground rules. He was going to pay us $250/month "rent", would clean up after himself, buy his own food, and be out by October 1. I wasn't letting him move in without some rules in place, just to prevent your situation.

The camel's nose isn't just under your tent, he's laying on your couch. You're screwed now.

 

Interesting... I would ask him pretty soon, if nothing else it might give him some motivation to get up and job search before 3 in the afternoon.

And wouldn't you feel awkward being the 3rd or 5th wheel during a dinner date? I would have just stayed at your house if I were him...

 

Last Saturday at 6:01 am.

 

Plus I bet it's a bit akward trying to bang his sister while he's in the house.

Good luck, but Justin is spot on here, you're screwed. Either way you lose, if you throw him out your wife will be pissed, if he stays you're pissed.

Your only hope is he gets a job and he is not as dumb as your sister.

 

I think you have already waited too long. His *** will grow roots in the couch if you don't kick him out soon. Btw, no guy wants to hear his sister getting freaky, so maybe you could play up that angle. Should speed up his job search :D

 

I just want to ask him what he plans to do. If he wants to move in with us for a bit, I would probably go along with it, as long as he paid rent, and we had a set of rules like you listed. We have plenty of room. But my wife won't let me ask that right now, because she says we need to give him to time to figure everything out, that we need to just let him relax for a week.

I just know that the "kid" (he is 25) is a bit of a free loader and does not have any ambition whatsoever. He has taken advantage of my wife's kind heart in the past. I'm trying to be the nice, sympathetic BIL, but I'm a bit leery, which my wife thinks is just me being an *******.

 

Has she met you?

I think you can bring up the topic without sounding like a ****. Its not like this conversation would seem odd. If I were him, I wouldn't be surprised you brought it up. Just ask him some normal questions. Any job leads? Are you going to look for another bartending gig? You could always check X, I heard they were looking for bartenders.

The sooner he becomes comfortable, the harder it will be to get ride of him.

In the end, I find its easier for me to be pissed than dealing with a pissed off wife. Good luck.

 

Well he doesn't really live in this city. He currently "lives" with his girlfriend about 2 hours away. But she is moving to TN at the end of June when their lease is up. If he were to get a job here, my wife would most definitely offer to rent him one of our guest bedrooms. But for some odd reason, he has been applying for random jobs, like a guitar tech in Portland, OR, or a sound tech for a theatre in Philly. So I don't know if he plans on staying here in this city, moving somewhere else, or moving back home.

And just FTR, he is kinda a weird dude. Like really.

 

yeah he'd have to have a plan day one for me, and even then he'd have a time frame. if it were my sis i'd expect no less.

 

You could at least lay down some rules in the meantime. Give him the, "I don't know how long you plan on staying, but if you are going to be living here, you need to start..."

 

I hate engineers.

What kind of shorts does your BIL wear?

 

Im guessing carpenter jorts past his knees

 

I cringe just thinking about saying this...

 

This problem began back when you first met her. Typical guy! You were thinking about sex instead of checking out her relatives.

Some thoughts---

Stop referring to him as your BIL. He's not related to you. He's her brother.

This might be a good time to start a family. You have a live-in babysitter. (Assuming you can make babies quietly.)

Wait patiently for another three months and then tell her that either you or her brother is moving out. Her choice.

Tell him it's his turn to wash the dishes and vacuum.

 

My wife has a loser sister, and from day one, I laid down the rules that we will not house or support her in any way. She has asked us for money on several occasions and the answer is always "We work too hard for our money to give it away to someone that does not." Plain and simple. If she needs help in other ways, we are willing to help, but she knows we absolutely will not be taken advantage of, and has since stopped asking. If she wasn't such a dirt bag it might be a little different.

I would go ahead and piss your wife off now, because there's no avoiding pissing her off at some point about the situation. You might as well do it early before things get over complicated. For example, if I'm paying for your food and shelter, you will be up and out of the house by 8 am looking for a job, any job. Once he has a job, then I would charge him rent. He would also do daily tasks like the dishes, mowing, trash and other things like that while he lived under my roof. To be honest, I would make it fairly uncomfortable for him at all times. Let him know that there are costs involved with his invasion into your life.

 

Substitute "living" for "staying". I would just avoid mentioning any sort of time frame. Such as, "If you are going to be staying here for a while..." Unless you want to get your point across. Then you can say, "but if you are going to be here for a couple more days..."

 

Grow a pair and lay down the rules. The sooner, the better.

 

How loose is she?

 

I laughed...