-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. -Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. -I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. -There is a great need for sarcasm font. -Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. -How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? -I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. - I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. - Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart". - How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? - I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a D-Bag from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! - Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies" -What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? - MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. - Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. - I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. -I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. - Bad decisions make good stories - Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year? -If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. -Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem.... -You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day. -Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. -There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. -I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. - "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. -I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? -I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes. -Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles... - As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. -It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. -I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. -Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it. -Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my butt everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time... -I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. What about it Mudshark? -I think the freezer deserves a light as well. So there they are guys ... add your own :D
What's the antonym of competition? If the earth rotates from West to East, why are the prevailing winds out of the West? If practice makes perfect but no one is perfect, why practice? Who is going to win between MOBOW and PT? Why the heck am I typing these questions? If a bear poops in the woods and there's no one around to hear it, is the Pope Catholic? Tune in again next week, when we'll hear PT say: "HUH?!?"
Why do You Park in a Driveway, but Drive on the Parkway? I just rode in a helicopter with an ejector seat... Have you tried any of those new solar-powered night vision goggles?
Good stuff, this one made me laugh loud enough for the guy in the next cubical to ask me if I was alright
Terry Drury just said "these are the greatest things since sliced bread". Seriously, is slicing bread really that hard? And is sliced bread really that great??
these are great, thanks for the laughs! and yes, those outside my office could not figure out what i was laughing at!
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever. I can't even begin to imagine how many times I have had these exact same thoughts. These were classic. I think when two semis get side by side and decide to drive 15 UNDER the limit that it should be perfectly legal to use firepower to remove them from the road.
I've asked this many-o-times, but... Why doesn't old dog doodie turn powder white like it did in the 70's?
-There is a great need for sarcasm font. its called "LOL" --No it's DUH! And the phone number is true, the wife asks constantly why I keep updating one guys number in my cell... DUH.
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and I instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
LOL. I played Vigilante 8 enough that I wanted to shoot school buses whenever I saw them. I don't have much to add other than: -Wear clothes when frying bacon.
-Are those two guys in the Sonic commericals *****? -Whats up with all the homies holding on to their crotches when they walk? -Is the world really gonna end on Dec 21, 2012? Why don't my new windshield wipers work as good as my old, worn-out ones? So....are eggs good or bad for you now?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo? Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets? The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. Two wrongs are only the beginning Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
That post made me feel good b/c I was one of those little snot's that instinctively knew to blow into the cartridge. God, I miss those days.
