I feel like Garrison Keillor or Pat McManus should be telling this, but I'll do my best to make them proud. The alarm went off at Oh Dark Thirty this morning telling me it's time to get up and go deer hunting. It was well before any sane person going hunting would have gotten up. You see, the stand this morning is a mere quarter of a mile south of the house. I had prepped all my gear the night before and all I had to do is stumble out of bed, get dressed, brush my teeth and shove a couple sticks of green apple gum in my mouth. I'll digress from the story for a moment to let you know that I am one of those people who detests lateness more than anything else. If I have a dr's appointment at 3:00 PM, I'll leave the house early enough to ensure that I am in the office at least 15 minutes early. Anyway, realizing I might have been a tad bit zealous with the alarm clock, I reached over and hit the snooze button and returned to the dream that seemed more important at the time. The next time I remember the alarm going off I thought "boy that was a quick 10 minutes" and then deduced that I could afford another 10 minutes. Just as my arm reached for the snooze button, my wife whispered ever so softly a sentence that had I been masochistic would have been considered foreplay. She said "Honey.....if you touch that snooze button one more time, I'm going to beat you to death." Since my wife has never been accused of having a sense of humor, I turned the alarm off and put my glasses on. Oh Crap! I've hit the snooze button 5 more times without even realizing it and it's now 4:30 AM! I do what I have to do and am out the door at 4:45 AM. As I stepped out the front door I knew it was going to be an interesting morning. The fog was so thick I could have used a machete to make my way to the stand. I tried using one of those cap mounted flashlights but all that did was give me the feeling that I was inside a snow globe. Having lived here for over 4 years now, I knew I could make it to the stand without a light and proceeded to do so. When I got to the stand, I turned the light on again to find my pull rope. While the light was on, I happened to look up to see the ladder disappearing into the fog with no seat in sight. After tying my bow onto the rope, I climbed the ladder and pulled the bow up and turned off the light. As I sat there in the dark, I could hear critters walking past the stand on a regular basis for about an hour. The fog finally started to dissipate about 7:00 AM, which was about an hour after everything went really quiet. At 9:00 AM, I finally got out of the stand and returned home. After this morning, I decided to head out to another stand for the evening hunt. I planned on getting into the stand at 5:00 PM and had my timetable all figured out. It's a half mile walk to the stand but it's all downhill to get there. If I leave the house at 4:40 PM, all will be good. At 4:00, I got this overpowering urge to go to my stand now. I thought that maybe it was a sign. I went out to the mancave and got my hunting clothes on. Just as I was finishing up to head out the door my wife yelled out and said one of the pups was acting like it hurt a leg. Now, I have to look at the pup on the way to the stand which is throwing my schedule completely off. I shot out the door to take a look at Buddy and get my butt to the stand. There was nothing wrong with Buddy, and I took off across the CRP at a fast pace to get back on schedule. Once I hit the tree line 200 yards from the stand, I switched to stealth mode and picked my way through the dried leaves and dead branches littered across the forest floor. I made the climb up into the stand and after strapping myself in, I looked at my watch. 4:55 PM, I made it! I took out an arrow to nock up and noticed it had a field tip on it. I looked in the quiver and they all had field tips! I had grabbed my practice arrows to get out the door on time! I unstrapped myself and climbed down to go back to the house. I quietly picked my way through the forest noise makers and took off once I reached the CRP. As I entered the mancave, my wife yelled out the door "I thought you were going hunting?" "I am!", I replied as I grabbed the broadhead quiver and ran out the door. I was really winded by the time I reached the forest entry point again but took my time to quietly make it back to the stand. I no sooner sat down and had a broadhead nocked up (no pun), I realized I didn't have my quick release on me. Down the ladder again, back out through the trees sounding more like a bulldozer going through a thicket than a stealthy hunter. By the time I reached the CRP, I was huffing and puffing. I walked back to the house while trying to not only catch my breath but also make decent time. For some reason, the vision of Fred Sanford crying out "I'm coming Elizabeth" popped into my head. As I entered the mancave, there was my quick release hanging where it always hangs. Just as I turned to go, my wife yelled "What now?" "I forgot something!" I retorted and opened the door. "Take a flashlight with you!" she screamed. "Why would I need a flashlight?" I yelled back. "Because, by the time you get to wherever you're going, it's going to be dark!" she giggled back at me. I looked to the west to see the sun setting. As I walked back across the CRP I bumped at least 20 deer. I got to the forest line and there were deer all over the forest too. I walked without any effort to be quiet to the stand, climbed up and then lowered my bow and quiver to the ground. I no sooner stepped back on terra firma and I realized that my little camo bag that I keep my snacks and water in was still strapped to the stand. Screw it! I hope the coons eat good tonight because I'm not going back up there. As I exited the forest and started across the CRP for the last time tonight, I could have sworn that I heard deer laughing. I think I might just sleep in tomorrow....
That's a good story, haha and I'm laughing with you not at you. Just think at least you didn't have to do all of the walking and then drive home too!
Yeah I think the best thing I've found from this forum is that all of these things that I used to think only happened to me......well they don't!
Your wife seems to have a good sense of humor... as long as you are not hitting the snooze button early in the AM !!!! LOL My wife hates when I hit the snooze button too a bunch of times and then I don't get up anyways. For some reason that makes her crabby !! Tim
I set my alarm clock across the room so hitting snooze is not an option Sounds like a bummer of a day but at least you got some exersise in
Great story! This has happened to me before in the morning! It is hard to remember all your gear when you can barely keep your eyes open!
Terrible day for you, a laugh that I desperately needed at work tonight. Thank you. I only laugh because I see myself in your story.
DAY 2 I did sleep in today just as I threatened. When I woke up at 5:30, the air was crisp and frost everywhere. Ah, life is good. I could get into a stand by sunrise or go back inside and enjoy a pot, I mean cup of coffee. I opted for the coffee and watching the sunrise from the front porch. I spent most of the day getting odd jobs done and around 4:00 I could feel the timber pulling back to the stand. The fact that the wife was inside coming up with more odd jobs for me to do had nothing to do with it. I chose a stand that has been quite reliable over the 4 years I've lived here. I climbed up in the stand just in time to hear a gunshot. Youth/disabled season closes today and they can use any legal weapon. A few minutes later, a small 4 point came hobbling through bleeding from his shoulder. The speed he was managing made me think "I'm late, I'm late for a very important date (I can't remember which one of the kids' cartoons that was from. After more nothing, I gave PT a call. I was the one in the stand and he was the one seeing deer as we spoke. I think he got tired of talking to me because the line went dead. I sat there until 7:30 without seeing anything else. After I climbed down from the tree, I heard a lone coyote howl behind me. That started an avalanche of barking and howling all around. That in turn caused some deer somewhere ahead of me to start blowing. The chain reaction was about to stop! After all the blowing, howling and barking, I heard a stampede coming down the lane right at me. I turned off the light and stepped behind a pine tree. As I did, a small herd of deer went through. I expected a pack of coyotes to be on their tail, but nothing. The only thing that made me feel better was the fact that the deer were coming from the prairie where there is no tree large enough for a stand.
DAY THREE: Not a single deer all day. This evening at 6:00 PM, the neighbor decided to screw off on his diesel tractor right next to the property line. He kept it up until it was too dark to shoot and then he drove the diesel tractor home. I normally wouldn't say this but, Lord I hope the Amish buy this place. Me not selling him the back 13 acres will seem like nothing to what he will experience!
