I've seen many try to post that it's not selfishness, not this or not that... Bullcrap. Unless he was so mentally unstable he couldn't comprehend what he was doing, it's the act of a coward, plain and simple. I couldn't FATHOM doing that to my children. Hooker, it'll take guts... but reach out to her. Offer help. Mentor the kids. Invite them to play with your kids if you have any. Take them fishing, or camping. You may be able to impact the kids and help offset this nightmare that idiot has burdened them with.
Greg do you think for a second that a person that takes their own life is in their right mind? Not defending the action other than what I stated earlier in the post, but for somebody to choose to end their life is not a temper tantrum it is not a hell with it attitude, I would be willing to wager that the guy had fought and tried to fight thru an issue or depression or something else and it never would go away.
Never thought I would say this on a hunting forum but here it goes. Show some damn compassion for what you don't understand, A man took his own life for what reason we do not know, but obviously he was under duress that many of us can not comprehend. Judgeing in this situation accomplishes nothing, he found his peace let him rest in peace.
Cooking meals, picking up kids. Best thing is to just be there to lend a hand. Help out. Nothing better than that.
I've had people in my extended family commit suicide and had a couple close family members come very close. One of them is the toughest man I know......genetic predisposition to depression, diagnosed and undiagnosed concussions, chemicals from warfare, and having friends killed in combat led him to despair. Thank God he kept it together and has made a pretty good life for himself. Hooker, I would just offer support to the family.....give the wife a hand with her daily mom duties and help with small home repairs/upkeep. As for any of you, if you are ever feeling like you are in a pit of despair, my phone and home are always available if you need someone to talk to, free of judgement......
What if a man is in immense pain every single day, dying a slow death? What if a man has a disease so bad he cannot even raise his own head or wipe his own rear end? I disagree with you, however believe me I would never willingly leave my family behind......
For the sake of not offending some, I'm going to bow out of this conversation. I meant no offense from any of my posts, I just don't agree with the stance that things get so bad you have to end your own life.
Although I didn't lose my Papa to suicide, it was sudden. The best thing I can say - is be there in a couple weeks. Everybody disappears once the funeral/viewings are done. Then it really sets in. It'll definitely be hard for them. I think I'd even ask the son to go do something fun with you, he's going to have the hardest time with this. Many good thoughts going to this family. I've seen it happen more than it should. Hopefully some how they can find peace in it all. Thanks for being a good neighbor.
By choosing the easy way out, he has scared the lives of his children and wife forever. They will now have to carry a burden for the rest of their lives. Always wondering if they could have done something to prevent it, always carrying the guilt and the helplessness of not being able to prevent it. You can call me judgmental all you want, but what he did to those children and the rest of his family was not fair to them and there is no way around it.
I have no idea what that man was going through so I am not going to sit and judge him, but I won't lie my first thought is how can he do that to his kids no matter how bad it is. I am going to bet there are a lot of guys on here that have had things not go as planned and have had major problems that they just can not figure out how to get out of and try and fix it for the sake of their children. Hooker I think the best thing would be to throw them the football since they already play in your yard and listen to them if they need someone to talk to. Taking care of their lawn a few times, bring them over a dinner and some stuff from your garden.
My advice is to offer help that doesn't seem like you are going out of your way for her. She is someone now who has to accept the charity of others in everyday life, something she's probably never had to do, nor ever expected to. One thing would be to mow your own lawn and after your done, drive the mower over to her house and offer to mow since the mower is already out - don't make a big deal out of it and just leave once you are done, no need to go tell her. Next time just go do it without asking her.
Opinion's without knowing all the facts, is not what Hooker asked for. He asked what he could do to help the family deal with life. That certainly is an indication of his caring nature and his humanity. Like others have mentioned - just being around and letting the family know that you care will provide some comfort. Not being judgemental will be another big help. You obviously are a caring individual and should follow your heart as you help this family through this difficult time. They may not even know what they need at this time, so just being around can provide a small measure of comfort. You can't provide answers, but by being accepting of the family's grief and questions - you will become a solid shoulder to turn to when and if they need one. Good luck with whatever you decide to do to help this family. You are a good person.
When it gets to that level, it's between a man and God. I hope God has mercy on him. The agony must have been great. Each man has a breaking point. He hit his. Hooker I feel your pain. I was the last person that one of my best friends talked to before he decided to end his life. I won't get into detail about it, but the last words he spoke to me will haunt me for the rest of my life. Like other said. Give them space at first. Maybe a meal left on the doorstep or just cut the grass without asking. Sometimes people don't want to even talk to anyone when in such a vulnerable, emotional state. Selfish? Maybe. It's human nature to be selfish sometimes. Especially when someone's mental health is not well. It's easy to judge when you've never worn the shoe. May God watch over the ones he left behind......
It saddens me to read some of the responses in this thread. I don't think many of you understand how suffocating depression and mental illness can be. Unless you have been in that state of mind, or been close to someone who has been, it is probably best to keep your comments to yourselves. Calling the man selfish or an idiot will not help the the man or the family he left behind. OP, it will probably be difficult, but I think the best thing you can do is just be there for the family. Take the boys fishing, help them with yard work, make them a meal, etc.
Just as an example of what type of mental state someone can be in. Last year, a guy that worked for me came home from work - as he walked in his house his roommate and life long best friend looked him square in the eyes as he put a bullet in his own head. I can't believe a fully sane person is capable of that.
Hey Hook, unfortunately I've been close (not directly affected but able to see it from the outside) to a few of these the last few years. Some people are just wired differently, most people don't understand that so they cast judgment. However, we're not here to discuss that... About what to do... I would take some food over. Finding the time for the family to eat, or having the stomach to do so will be the hardest part... Take a stack of papa murphy's pizzas, or some lasagna... something very easily able to be heated up. Then when it comes time for the viewing, talk to her, tell her you'll help out if there's anything she needs, yard work, house work... as long as they're reasonable enough people not to take advantage of your kind gesture. Lastly, the hardest part, the kids. I don't have as much suggestions in this category. The situations I've seen the kids were older, the youngest almost out of high school. However, you might just watch over them. Play ball occasionally, take them fishing... just things you would do with your kids that isn't really imposition on you, but a good deed, stuff you would do for any close neighbor kid... Lastly, good luck. These actions affect so many people in a negative way, but people will step up. Oh, if they're hard on money, there's a lot of crowd funding out there now. Some may not agree or not want their business out there, especially if you promote it on FB, but it may just be an option of helping out.
Hey guys, Ive never really posted anything on here before but I figure this is a good place to start. Last summer my best friend committed suicide. My last night I spent with him we were fishing and he was making jokes about death and afterlife but I never thought anything of it. Looking back now I see it as a cry for help. I always looked at suicide as being selfish before that too until I felt the pain he had been living with for so long. To hug his mother and carry his casket was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and living with the thought of not being able to help him with whatever evils he was struggling with will haunt me for years to come. But It has helped me grow to understand that nobody is safe. Depression can affect even the seemingly happiest people you know. My advice for you is to try and help them with anything they need. Make them feel welcomed and loved. Just the other day I helped my friends dad carry a refrigerator downstairs and he was very grateful. My guess is that the family would really like to be loved and comforted(even from people they barely know). Good luck with this very sad situation. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
One misconception I see repeated in this thread is that calling the act selfish is judgmental somehow of the man himself. I would never judge someone for being mentally unstable. I've worked with mental health clinics before and it's amazing the battles within every day people struggle with. That said, there is ABSOLUTELY no excuse for committing suicide when you have children/a family. To do that to your loved ones IS a selfish act. Doesn't mean he his some sick twisted person, just that he made a mistake that will haunt his children forever. It isn't right to place that burden from his shoulders onto theirs. If I were you Hook, I'd wait a week or two and then reach out to simply tell the mother you and your family are there if she ever needs help with anything.
