This is a long read. I don't even know why I'm posting this on here. I guess I just feel like I need to tell someone before I try to close my eyes and sleep. My wife left before I got home to do Ozark Trail maintenance and I'm sure telling my six dogs won't help. It is now 8:00 am on September 21st 2019. I've been up now for 27 1/2 hours. My Mother has been suffering from late stage Alzheimers, severe arthritis and the side effects of a mild stroke for quite some time. We finally agreed a month or so ago that she needed to go into a home and we moved her in a little over two weeks ago. She hadn't been there long before she contracted pneumonia. She was transported to a local emergency room but given her state the decision was made to take her back to the home under hospice care. My sisters who live in the same town as my Mother had been watching over her with my brother and I visiting and helping when needed but my oldest sister got strep throat and my brother and I stepped in to help. Yesterday and last night was my turn. This was particularly tough on me because when I was younger I had breathing difficulties and then once as a young adult I pretty much drowned and had to be resuscitated. I'm phobic about not being able to breathe. I won't go swimming in water over my head. At 2:30 this morning I was actually typing a thread here saying how uncomfortable I was, all the time listing to the rattling in my mother's throat. The sound changed. I looked up and bubbles were coming out of her mouth. I ran to the door, yelled for the nurse who came in and suctioned. She ran to get some medicine (I think she said atropine). Guys, I haven't prayed in a LONG time. I haven't prayed because I had convinced myself that it doesn't do any good coming from me but very early this morning during the maybe 60 seconds that nurse was gone I did pray. I prayed for my mother's suffering to stop. I prayed for a merciful end. Less than five minutes later my Mother was gone. I have no idea if it was coincidence or or an answer to a prayer. The event did, however, leave me with images that I'm sure I'll see again in my nightmares. I watched her pass in the exact way I am most afraid of dying. I have never felt that horrified in my life. I am just thankful that she was sedated enough that she most likely didn't realize it was happening. We are all hurting, but we are also happy that her suffering has ended. I have to sleep now.