sun, who is in a prison. - Dear sun, life's so hard for me since they took you to a prison: nobody digs a vegetable garden, nobody plants potato's... The sun writes back to her mother: - Mom, please stay away from the garden. If you start digging it, the police may come and both take you to a prison and prolong mine imprisonment.. Mother writes back to her sun: - Darling, together with your last letter police came. They dug all over the garden, but haven't found anything. The left being extremely frustrated. Sun writes his mom: - I helped as much, as I could with this. Please plant the potato's by yourself.
Not to put pressure on you Old Man in your retirement but did you read the weak jokes posted while you were away? The season is coming up we need you to step up.
Just got back online after moving. Closer to grandkids now. This retirement stuff is tough. I've worked harder in the last two months than I had in the last ten years while I was still working. That's no joke either. May have time to be regular here in a month or so. There's plenty of joke sources out there. Cut and paste ain't hard to do. Everybody can chip in here.
It's only funny if you do it though. Everybody else is just a try hard wanna be. Glad you're next to the Gkids now.
This is a follow up to the old man's post about dogs. Dogs look at man and say, "they feed me, they love me, they must be gods." A cat says, "they feed me, they love me, I must be A god." Sent from my SM-S820L using Tapatalk
1. I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now! 2. I didn’t make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row. 3. I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning. 4. Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven’t met yet… 5. I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me! 6. When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment. Now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation. 7. My people skills are just fine. It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs working on. 8. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees. 9. The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.” 10. I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week. 11. Even duct tape can’t fix stupid… but it can muffle the sound! 12. Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway? 13. Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
A little boy at a wedding, looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?" His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life." The boy thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
Five surgeons are in a bar when the discussion turns to patient preference. The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second, responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon, says, "No, I really think librarians are the best! Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon, chimes in: "You know, I like construction workers...Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over." But the fifth surgeon, shut them all up when he said: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains,and no spine... Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable."
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled. "This is great!" "Will I meet her at a party?" he croaks. "No," says the psychic. "In biology class."
A young deer in the woods learned to use all four hooves equally well... He was known to be bambidextrous.
They found a cat on mars. A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes.' He addressed the man, 'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?' Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
