Joke of the day.

A friend said she did not understand cloning.

I told her that makes two of us.

 

I'm not saying she is ugly, but when she goes to the park dogs smell her face.

 

I'm not saying she's ugly but raindrops avoid her face.

 

What do you call a bunch of one hundred dollar bills hanging on the front door?
A wreath of Franklins.

 

I had the worst time at therapy today.

Me: I am terrified of random letters.

Therapist: You are?

Me: [screams]

Therapist: Oh, I see.

Me: [screaming intensifies]

 

My wife asked me to get out of the house because I can’t stop singing Christmas songs.

I said, “But Baby, it’s cold outside.”

 

I don't think I posted this one. You have to use your imagination, too.
The world has been devastated by a nuclear holocaust. Only a few animals survived. A male gorilla is wandering around, looking for something to eat. He happens to meet a female gorilla.
Gorilla talk: "I'm starving. Do you have anything to eat?"
She went into a cave and came out with an apple.
"Are you going to start that again?"