A woman with small boobies buys a finely carved mirror at an antique shop and hangs it on her bathroom door. The next morning, she playfully says, "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my boobies size 44." There is a flash of light, and her boobies grow to enormous proportions. She runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes, they both return. The husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror, mirror, on the door, make my manhood touch the floor." There's a flash of light, and both of his legs fall off...
Got this from a friend this past Sunday: A priest and rabbi walk in to a bar. The bartender looks up, "What? Is this the start of a joke?"
A blonde got tired of all the blonde jokes… So one evening, she went home and memorized all the U.S. state capitals. The next day at the office, a guy started telling a dumb blonde joke — she quickly cut him off: "I've had it with these blonde jokes! I went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized every single state capital." One of the guys challenged her: "Alright then, what’s the capital of Nevada?" She proudly replied: “N.” Remember... Technically correct is the best kind of correct.
Let’s have a moment of silence for everyone stuck in traffic on their way to the gym... to ride stationary bicycles. ♀️
Two women were playing golf ⛳️️♀️. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball flew directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball struck one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands over his groin, dropped to the ground, and rolled around in agony. The woman rushed over and said, “I’m so sorry! Please let me help—I'm a physical therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you’ll let me.” The man replied, “Oh no, I’ll be fine in a few minutes.” But he was clearly in agony, curled up in the fetal position and still holding his groin. At her insistence, he finally agreed. She gently moved his hands aside, loosened his pants, and placed her hands inside. She administered a tender and expert massage for half an hour and then asked, “How does that feel?” He replied, “It feels great… but I still think my thumb’s broken.” ⛳️
A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey. He takes it outside to enjoy on the bench. As he’s sipping, a nun walks by and scolds him: “How can you pollute your soul with the Devil’s drink?” The man replies, “It’s not the Devil, it’s just whiskey.” The nun argues it’s wicked and sinful, but admits she’s never actually tasted whiskey- only heard from others how evil it is. After some back and forth, the nun finally says, “Alright… if I had just a sip, I’d understand better. But I can’t be seen drinking out here. Could you order me one in a teacup?” The man nods, heads back inside, and says to the barman: “Two whiskeys, but put one in a teacup, please.” The barman slams the counter and yells: “Is that nun here AGAIN?!”
