Hey, I know exactly where that power pole is at. I used to have to climb it with hooks and belt. Scary!
A senior lady was running late for bingo and driving 65 in a 40 mph zone when a cop pulled her over. “Ma’am, may I see your license?” he asked. She calmly replied, “Sorry, officer, I had it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.” The officer frowned. “Then can I see your registration?” She said, “I stole this car… and the owner is in the trunk.” The officer shouted, “Ma’am, DON’T MOVE!” and called for backup. Minutes later, the Chief of Police arrived with half the squad. “Ma’am, may I see your license?” the Chief demanded. “Of course, officer,” she smiled sweetly and handed it over. It was perfectly valid. “Can I see the registration?” he pressed. She reached into the glove box and produced it - also a legitimate document. Finally, the Chief ordered the trunk opened… and it was completely empty. The woman turned, pointed her finger at the first cop, and said, “And I’ll bet this darn liar told you I was speeding too!”
️ A man and woman are having dinner in a restaurant. A waitress notices the man slowly sliding down his chair until he disappears under the table. The woman, however, looks completely unconcerned! Concerned, the waitress whispers to her, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table!” The woman calmly replies, “No actually… my husband has just walked in the front door!”
A plane is flying to Toronto ✈️ when a blonde in economy moves up and sits in first class. The flight attendant checks her ticket and says, "Ma'am, you paid for economy, please return to your seat." The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto, and I'm staying right here!" ♀️ The flight attendant tells the pilot and co-pilot about the situation. The co-pilot tries to explain, but the blonde repeats, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Toronto, and I'm staying right here!" The pilot says, "She's blonde? I’ve got this - I speak Blonde. I'm married to one." He walks over, whispers something in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I’m sorry!" and returns to her seat in economy. ✌️ Everyone is stunned. "What did you say to her?" they ask. He replies, "I told her first class isn’t going to Toronto."
True story: Our town had a drive-in theater many years ago. The manager and a couple of folks were going to pull a prank. An announcement was made that a man was in the office, saying his wife was there with another man. They were asked to leave the theater. The prank was a car would leave the theater. What was hilarious was two cars left!
Two herring who were brothers would stop at a local bar after work. One day, only one showed up. The bartender asked where his brother was. "What? Am I my brother's kipper?"
Husband: The freakin' nerve of that doctor! He said, 'I’m so old; he referred me to an archaeologist!' Wife: He said audiologist, dear… you're going deaf.
Little Timmy attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his dad moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs, slapping their rumps, and putting his hands on their chests. After a while, Timmy asked, “Dad, why are you doing that?” His dad replied, “When I’m buying horses, I have to make sure they’re healthy and in good shape before I buy.” Timmy, looking worried, said… “Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom.”
Dad: You should become a cop. Daughter: I don’t want to. Dad: You chase the same men they do, might as well get paid for it.
✈️ I've always said that when I retire, I'm going to travel. Just never expected it would be mostly to the doctors!
A couple of guys pulled their pickup into a lumberyard and one of them strolled into the office. “We need some four-by-twos,” he said. The clerk raised an eyebrow. “You mean two-by-fours, right?” The man scratched his head. “Uh… let me check.” He walked back to the truck, had a quick word with his buddy, then returned. “Yep, two-by-fours.” “Alright,” the clerk said. “How long do you need them?” The man frowned, deep in thought. After a long pause, he muttered, “Hmm… better check.” He disappeared again, had another hushed discussion by the truck, then came back inside. With a confident nod, he announced, “A long time. We’re building a house.” #fblifestyle
