Two little boys were in a hospital room. "Are you medical or surgical?" "What do you mean?" "Were you sick when you came here or did they make you sick after you got here?"
I hired a kid to paint my porch. When he came back to get paid, he said, "By the way, that was a BMW, not a Porsche."
A blonde is sitting next to a lawyer on a plane ✈️, and he’s eager to test her intelligence. He offers her 10-to-1 odds: for every question she can’t answer, she owes him $5 , but for every question he can’t answer, he’ll give her $50. She agrees, and the game begins! The lawyer asks, "What’s the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?" ✨ The blonde hands him $5, without question. ♀️ Then it’s her turn: “What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down with 4?” ️ The lawyer is totally stumped. He spends hours Googling , making calls ☎️, but he can’t find the answer. Finally, frustrated, he gives up and hands her $50. The blonde puts the $50 in her purse , and the lawyer says, “Okay, what’s the answer?” Without saying a word, the blonde hands him $5.
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, “Fellas, I got real problems. I’m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o’clock, I get up and I try to urinate. All day long, I try to pee. They give me all kinds of medicine, but nothing helps.” The second old man says, “You think you have problems. I’m eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00, I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff, but nothing helps.” Finally, the third old man speaks up: “Fellas: I’m ninety years old... Every morning at 7:00, I pee like a racehorse. At 8:00, I poop like a champion.” The other two look at him, confused. “So what’s the problem?” they ask. He replies, “I don’t wake up until 9:00.”
