I’m not old enough to have served in Vietnam, but I’ve been to Pattya and Phuket on my deployments. Subic Bay PI was an interesting port as well.
My wife dressed up as a cop one night and said she was arresting me for being good in bed. 5 minutes later she said she was dropping the charges due to a lack of evidence.
Greenhorn: Wow, you have a lot of flies buzzing around your horses and cows. Do you ever shoo them? Cowboy: No, we just let them go barefoot.
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers. “Yes,” he said. “My dad taught me.” “Good. So what comes after eight?” “Nine,” answered Johnny. “And what comes after nine?” “Ten.” “And what comes after ten?” “The jack.”
A son sends a subtle note home from college Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on. The Reply: Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad
A sweet grandmother called St. Joseph's Hospital and timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator replied kindly, "I’ll be glad to help, dear. What’s the name and room number of the patient?" In a soft, shaky voice, the grandmother said, “Norma Smith, Room 302.” The operator put her on hold to check with the nurse’s station. A few moments later, she returned: “I have good news! Norma is doing very well. Blood pressure is perfect, her labs are normal, and Dr. Cohen says she’ll be discharged tomorrow!” The grandmother sighed with relief, “Oh, thank you so much. God bless you for the good news!” The operator, smiling, asked, “Is Norma your daughter?” And the grandmother replied... “No, I’m Norma Smith in Room 302. No one tells me sh*t” Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
His wife was ranting and raving about him going out with the boys on Saturday night. Finally he got tired of listening to her. He poured a big glass of whiskey. "Drink this." She did and said, "That is the most horrible tasting stuff I have ever had." He replied, "See and you think I was having fun."
❄️ On a freezing cold winter morning, a blonde and her husband were having breakfast when the radio announcer said: “We’re expecting 8 to 10 inches of snow today. Please move your car to the even-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through.” Being the helpful wife she is, she bundled up and moved her car. ✅ Next week, same scenario - radio says: “10 to 12 inches of snow today. Please move your car to the odd-numbered side.” Out she goes again, moving that car like a champ. ✅ Week three: They’re sipping coffee when the radio announcer begins, “We’re expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow and you must park…” And POOF - the power goes out! ⚡☕❌ The blonde looks panicked and says, “Oh no! I don’t know which side to move the car to now!” With the calm patience only a man married to a blonde could master, her husband lovingly says, “Sweetheart… why don’t you just leave the car in the garage this time?”
On my way to HR again, because I nicknamed a coworker "Pothole." Because everyone tries to avoid him.
A science teacher was giving a lesson on the effects of different substances on living things. To demonstrate, she placed four worms into four separate containers: One worm in beer One worm in wine One worm in whiskey One worm in mineral water The next day, she showed the class the results: The worm in the beer? Dead. The worm in the wine? Dead. The worm in the whiskey? Dead. The worm in the mineral water? Alive and squirming. The teacher turned to the class and asked, “So, children, what can we learn from this experiment?” Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Easy! If you drink beer, wine, and whiskey… you won’t have worms!”
A 15-year-old came cruising home in a bright red Ferrari ️ and his parents nearly blew a gasket! "WHERE did you get that car?!?!" they screamed. The kid shrugged and said, “I bought it today.” “With WHAT money?! A Ferrari costs more than our house!” The boy calmly replied, “This one was only $15.” Mom dropped her coffee ☕. Dad turned purple. “WHO would sell a Ferrari for $15?!” The kid said, “Some lady up the street. I was riding my bike ♂️ past her house and she asked if I wanted to buy a Ferrari for 15 bucks.” Mom shrieked, “JOHN! You go up there right now and find out what in the world is going on!” So Dad marched up the block ♂️ and found the woman peacefully planting petunias like she didn’t just cause a parental meltdown. He introduced himself and asked, “Why did you sell my son a Ferrari for $15?!” She smiled sweetly and said, “Well… this morning my husband called. Turns out, he ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and said he’s never coming back. Then he told me to sell his Ferrari and send him the money.” “So I did.” ♀️
