One year, for my birthday, my dad took me to one of those restaurants where kids under 10 eat for free. Right before we walked in, he goes, ‘Remember. You’re 9 today.’ Ten seconds later, the hostess asks, ‘And how old are you, birthday boy?’ I panicked and blurted out, ‘Twelve!’ and my dad was so mad. Worst 18th birthday ever.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I'm wearing hers because good dads listen. Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
A man got on the train with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls ️️ and sat down next to a beautiful (yep, you guessed it) blonde ♀️. The puzzled blonde kept staring at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after several curious glances, he said, “It’s golf balls.” She kept looking, thinking hard ... then finally asked, “Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?” Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
I watched as my wife panicked with devastation when she broke one of her nails today opening a can of coke... Unlike yesterday when she hit a curb in our new car going 40mph and said "oopsie" Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
I told my wife I wanted to be cremated. She made an appointment for Tuesday. Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
This is one of my favorite places to check each day. Starts me off with a chuckle or a laugh. Keep 'em coming!
I went to the doctors recently. He said: "Don't eat anything fatty" I said: "Like what, bacon and burgers?" He said: "No fatty, don't eat anything." Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
An old redneck went to the city for the first time. While wandering around, he went into the fancy lobby of an elite hotel. He noticed a rather homely old woman get on the elevator, the door closed, the bell rang and a few second later, a beautiful young lady got off the elevator. He thought for a minute and said, "Should have brought my wife."
A couple who'd been married forever were having one of those deep conversations. The husband asked, “If I died, do you think you’d remarry?” The wife thought for a moment and replied, “Well… it might get lonely. If I met the right person, maybe.” He sighed and said, “I just hate the idea of some idiot sitting on my couch, watching my TV, and using my tools.” She looked at him and said, “Well, what makes you think I’d marry another idiot?” Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I’d like to donate. Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That’s much easier. Wife: But there are poor starving people who could really use these clothes. Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving. Update: Husband will be in the hospital for a few more days - doctor says he’ll be okay… but he’ll limp for a bit. Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you" I couldn't believe it,... You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return. Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
I still remember it like it yesterday. Twenty eight years ago I was in the room, filled with excitement waiting for the big moment. It finally happened and I went running out of the room screaming to my friends “It’s a boy! It’s a boy!” That was the last time I went to Thailand.
The. Troubling part was it took you an hour to come back out Sent from my iPhone using ]][emoji[emoji6]]]Bowhunting.com Forums
Grandpa to his grandkid, "Go hide, your teacher is here because you skipped school today!" Grandkid: "You go hide... I told her you passed away!" Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
To the irritation of the judge, a man was trying to be excused jury service. “Tell me,” said the judge, “is there any good reason why you cannot serve as a juror in this trial?” The man replied: “I don’t want to be away from my job that long.” “Can’t they do without you at work?” demanded the judge. “Yes,” admitted the juror. “But I don’t want them to realize it!!!”
I put a picture of my wife up in the kitchen that said employee of the month. I don’t understand why she is mad at me? Sent from my iPhone using ]][emoji[emoji6]]]Bowhunting.com Forums
