Fun Fact: Did you know if you watch JAWS backward… It’s a very heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms and legs to disabled people!!!!
Junior, it's time to get up and go to school. Aw, ma. Why do I have to go to school? Why don't you want to go to school? Ma, the teachers talk about me and the kids make fun of me. Junior, you have to go to school. You are the principal.
It was a baby mosquito's first day to fly out from home. When the mosquito came back home later that day, the father mosquito asked, "How was your journey?" The baby mosquito replied, "It went great, everyone was clapping for me!
I always say that it’s not how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get back up, but the cop said, “That’s not the way field sobriety tests work.”
I love Little Johnny jokes. After all, it is my name. One day a teacher her asked her class if any of them could come up with a poem using the word “Timbuktu”. The teacher’s pet Billy raised his hand and the teacher called on him, After a minute or two he said he was ready. He said “Across the barren desert sand there traveled a dusty caravan. Along they traveled two by two, Destination Timbuktu.” The classroom erupted in applause and the teacher said “Very good Billy!” Then she asked If anyone else wanted to try. Eventually Little Jonnny’s hand shot up. The teacher called on him and Little Johnny said “I’d like to take a crack at it.” Against her better judgement, she said “Alright Johnny.” Little Johnny stood up, cleared his throat and said “Me and Tim, a-huntin’ we went. We found three hookers in a pop-up tent. They were three and we were two, so I buck one and Tim buck two.”
I ran out of toilet paper, so lm doing that "Trousers halfway up" waddle to go and get some more. I'm almost at Walmart now…
1. A girl wasn't feeling good so she got a thermometer to take her temperature. Her sister looked and said, That's the dog's thermometer. You mean the dog's had it in his mouth? Not exactly! 2. What is the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
So this reporter checks in at some old hotel smack in middle of nowhere. Coming into the lobby, he is confronted with the strange sight of an old Indian, whittling stick, long black hair, reddish skin, sitting on one of the chairs as if he intends never to get up. "That's Old Chief Forget-Me-Not," whispers the man behind the desk reverently, "he is allowed to stay here for free because he let me build my hotel on his reservation." "Why the weird name?" whispers the reporter. "Old Chief NEVER forgets anything that happened to him since he was two. Now he is 102. Fantastic memory." Once the reporter has checked in, he decides to check out old Forget-Me-Not. "Hey Chief!" he calls, "What'd you have for breakfast on the morning of your 21st birthday?" "Eggs," replies the Chief without even looking up. The reporter is so amazed, he jumps in his car and drives at least two hours over to where his other reporter friend is staying. Once telling the story over, both reporters jump in the car and drive right back two hours to the hotel, smelling a big scoop. On the way, the second reporter tells the first: "Why don't you address the Chief more respectfully, so he'll demonstrate to us more?" Following his friend's advice, the first reporter greets the Chief with a resounding "HOW!!" "Scrambled," replies the Chief.
Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy, or something like that. I didn't read the whole article.
