A preacher was stopped for speeding. The preacher tried very way to get out of the ticket. "But officer, I'm just a poor preacher!" "I know. I've heard you."
A game warden spotted Little Johnny leaving the woods with a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped Little Johnny and asked him, “Where did you get that turkey?” Little Johnny replied, “What turkey?” The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.” Little Johnny looked down and said, “Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!” Getting mad, the game warden said, “Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I’m going to do to you.” If you break his leg, I’m gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I’ll break your arm. “You get it? Whatever you do to him, I’ll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?” Little Johnny thought a minute and said, “Well then, I guess I’ll just kiss his butt and let him go!”
It was graduation night at Cox High School and they were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a problem, Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight." Well now, Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team, and when the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance, give Bubba another chance!" Pat Dye and the principal had a quick conference and afterward, the principal announced that they have decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba is told that he will be given a "One Question" math test and if he passes, he can graduate. The question is, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thinks for about 20 minutes and finally says, "I have it! The answer is 5!" There is complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds and then the entire Cox High School football team jumps up and begins to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance. Give Bubba one more Chance!"
I heard you are a widower three times. That is correct. How did your first wife die? She ate poisoned mushrooms. And how did you second wife die? She ate poisoned mushrooms? And your third wife? She had a fractured skull. How did that happen? She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.
A woman was angry. Her husband was coming home late again, so she left a note saying “I’ve had enough and have left you. Don’t bother coming after me.” Then she hid underneath the bed to watch his reaction. Soon the husband came home. She heard him in the kitchen before he came to the bedroom. She saw him walk up to the dresser and pick up the note. He stopped for a minute. Grabbed a pen, wrote something down on the note. He picked up the phone and called someone saying “She’s finally gone. Yeah, I know, about bloody time. I’m coming to see you. Put on that sexy French nightie I like. I love you and I cannot wait to see you. We’ll do all the naughty things you like.” He hung up the phone, grabbed his keys, and walked out the door. She heard the car drive off as she held back tears and came out from underneath the bed. She seethed with rage and grabbed the note to see what he wrote: “I can see your feet. We’re outta bread: be back in 5 mins.”
