Just bought a CD called "Sounds of the 70s". I don’t recommend it though. It's just full of old people wheezing, creaking and moaning.
The nurse told the parents of a newborn, “You have a cute baby.” Another nearby new dad said, “I bet you say that to all the new parents.” “No,” she replied. “Just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” The husband asked, “So, what do you say to the others?” The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger. You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board, said the minister. I know, said the man. If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him.
A man loses three fingers in a work accident. At the hospital he asks the doctor, "Will I be able to drive with this hand?" The doctor replies, "Maybe. But I wouldn't count on it."
A young man went to confession. "Father, I kissed Mary Maloney last night." "How many times did you kiss her?" "Father, I came to confess, not brag."
We Uber drivers never know whom we’re going to end up with as a passenger. One day, I was driving over a new bridge, the design of which was very confusing. Completely confounded, I muttered, “I’d love to meet the genius who designed this mess.” With that, my passenger extended his hand in my direction and said, “Well, today is your lucky day. My name is Mike, I work for the county engineer’s office, and I’m the genius who designed this!” Surprisingly, he still gave me a tip.
A vegan and a vegetarian jump of a cliff to see who will land first Who wins? Society Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
