A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?" "Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent. "The stork brought you to us." "Ohh..." said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked. "Oh, your grandparents found us under a rock." "Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted. "Well darling, they were found under a cabbage leaf," said the parent. Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store. After a few minutes the clerk became curious and asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?" The boy shook his head, "No." "Then what kind of card is it that you want?" asked the clerk. The boy answered wistfully, "Got anything in the line of blank report cards?"
The teacher asked little Johnny, "If you had one dollar and you asked your dad for another dollar, how much money would you have?" Johnny answered, "One dollar." The teacher said, "Johnny, you don't understand math." Johnny replied, "You don't understand my dad!"
Two roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn’t seen hide nor hair of anyone. So they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the west side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob said, It’s the only way down. I will go first.” Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, “Hey Bob! How deep did you go?” Bob yelled back, “I went to my ankles Dan, come on – JUMP!” Dan jumped and sank clear up to his neck in manure. “I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles!” he shouted at Bob. “I did, explained Bob, “but I landed head first.”
During a terrible storm, all the highway signs were covered with snow. The following spring, the state decided to raise all the signs twelve inches at a cost of six million dollars. “That’s an outrageous price!” said a local farmer, “but I guess we’re lucky the state handled it instead of the federal government.” “Why’s that?” “Because knowing the federal government, they’d decided to lower the highways.”
Went to see a UB40 tribute band last night called WD40. They were a bit rusty to start off with but soon loosened up.
