As of now, we live in Creston, BC. I grew up in Chilliwack mostly though. Lived in the Cariboo for a time, now we're here helping out my wife's aging parents. Victoria's a beautiful place! The Royal BC Museum is something else eh? My Dad lived on the island before he passed.
A hillbilly came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Al, somebody just stole your pickup truck." Al said, "Did you see who it was?" The hillbilly replied, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number!"
So in my area the jokes are about the Norwegians or the Polish. Both groups settled the area and go back and forth with the joshing. Speaking of which: The Red River of the North flows through our area. It is known for the big catfish. Many fishermen would rather something other than the cats to catch. So in an effort to make everyone happy the Game and Fish stocked some Coho Salmon in the river. The problem came up though when they would not spawn in the murky water of the red. So the GnF crossed the Cohos with Walleyes so they’d reproduce in the river. This went well but after a few years the fishermen complained there was no fight in the fish. So the GnF crossed them with a Musky to add some fight to the game. They named the resulting fish the Kowalski but the damn thing couldn’t swim.
When we lived in the Cariboo, we lived on a lake. Beautiful setting! Thunder and lightning storms every evening in the summer. Wildlife everywhere. It was beautiful. Once the ice started receding in the spring, the brown trout would come up to look around and feed. Then around late April, they would spawn. For the two weeks from when the trout would come up to the water's edge (about 20 feet out from shore), it would be fantastic fishing! One year my son and I caught around 40 brown trout weighing in around 7 pounds or so on average! Great fun, awesome bonding experiences.
Funny...the Norwegian part just hit me now. Darned 5g!!! Anyway, my wife's side is from Norway. There's definitely a lot of ammo that comes from those people. They seem to put their foot into it without even realizing it. Her dad is so easy to prank. He's getting on now, so I have to be a little careful I don't go too far. Hehe...
A Catholic priest, a Baptist preacher, and a Jewish rabbi want to see who is best at his job. So each one goes into the woods to find a bear and try to convert it. Later, they all get together. The priest begins: "When I found the bear, I read to him from the catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his first Communion." The preacher says: "I found a bear by the stream and preached God's holy Word. The bear was so mesmerised that he let me baptise him." They both look down to the rabbi, who is lying on a stretcher in a full body cast. "Looking back," he says, "maybe I should not have started with the circumcision."
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city. But his wife looked back and was turned to salt." His son asked, "What happened to the flea?"
Two Newfies were discussing Quebec's plans to separate from Canada and the one commented that it might not be a good idea for such a large province to separate from Canada. The other shook his head and answered, "Are you kidding me? If Quebec separates, then it won't take nearly as long to drive to Toronto!"
Q: How do white people treat Indians? A: With reserve. The blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don't sell bottom deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more. "I'm sorry," says the pharmacist, "we don't have any." "But I always get it here," says the blonde. "Do you have the container it comes in?" "Yes!" said the blonde, "I will go and get it." She returns with the container and hands it to the chemist who looks at it and says to her, "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant." The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, "To apply, push up bottom."
A blond, redhead and brunette were all competing in the breast-stroke swimming race. When the race was over and the blond came in third, she protested to the judge and said the redhead and brunette were obviously cheating. The judges asked the blond how she could tell they were cheating? "Well, it was obvious! THEY were using their arms!"
The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him. IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.” Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there’s the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $30 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi rum and a dozen Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.” IRS AGENT: “That’s the guy I want to talk to – the mentally challenged one.” Boat Owner: “That would be me. What would you like to know?”
Two friends are walking their dogs — a Dalmatian and a Chihuahua — when they smell something delicious coming from a nearby restaurant. The guy with the Dalmatian says, “Let’s get something to eat.” But the guy with the Chihuahua says, “We can’t go in there, we have dogs with us.” So the first guy says, “Just follow my lead.” He puts on a pair of sunglasses and walks into the restaurant. “Sorry,” says the owner, “no pets allowed.” “But this is my seeing-eye dog,” the guy with the Dalmatian says. “A Dalmatian?” “Yes, they’re using them now.” The owner says, “Very well, then, come on in.” The guy with the Chihuahua repeats the process and gets the same response from the owner: “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.” “But this is my seeing-eye dog,” says the second guy. “A Chihuahua?” asks the incredulous owner. “A Chihuahua?!,” says the man in the dark glasses. “They gave me a Chihuahua?!”
Why did they find two newfies frozen to death at the drive in theater? Because they went to watch 'Closed for the Winter'!
Canada's Worst Air Disaster occurred earlier today when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a cemetery early this morning in central Newfoundland. Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as searching continues through the evening.
Three men were discussing at a bar about coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading a "tale of two cities" and she gave birth to twins" "That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'the three musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets" The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!" When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, " When I left the house, my wife was reading Ali baba and the forty Thieves"!!!
