Joke of the day.

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by grnhd, Apr 19, 2014.

  1. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    With the Covid 19 cases rising our governor has issued a mandate that the seven dwarfs have been advised that they can only meet in groups of 6...


    One of them isn’t Happy!
     
  2. dprsdhunter

    dprsdhunter Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Top Ten Reasons Why Men Prefer Guns Over Women

    And here we go...

    #10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

    #9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

    #8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

    #7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

    #6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

    #5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

    #4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.

    #3 - A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

    #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.


    And the Number One reason
    Why Men Prefer Guns over women.....



    #1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun.


    Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
     
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  3. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Old man Murphy and old man Sean were contemplating life when Murphy asked, “If you had to get one or the other would you rather get Parkinson’s or Alzheimer’s?
    ”Sure, I rather have Parkinson’s”, replied Sean

    “’Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!”
     
  4. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    The first-grade teacher was showing pictures of animals to her students to see how many they could name. She held up a picture of a lamb, and a little girl said, "That's a sheep!"

    "That's right!" said the teacher. "How about THIS one?" she said, holding up a picture of the king of beasts.

    "That's a lion!" answered a little boy.

    "Right!" said the teacher. Then she held up a picture of a deer. No one volunteered an answer. She tried to help. "What does your mother call your father?"

    Johnny said, "I know! That's a lazy old goat!"
     
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  5. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A college pizza delivery boy arrived at the house of Mr. Smith. He delivered the pizza to his trailer. After giving it to him, Mr. Smith asked: "What is the usual tip?"
    "Well," replied the youth, "this is my first trip here, but the other guys say if I get a quarter out of you, I'll be doing great."
    "Is that so?" snorted Mr. Smith. "Well, just to show them how wrong they are, here's five dollars."
    "Thanks," replied the youth, "I'll put this in my school fund."
    "What are you studying in school?" asked Larry.
    The lad smiled and said: "Applied psychology."
     
  6. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A man walks into a gastroenterologist’s office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter.
    “Sir, why don’t you come over here so we can get you checked in?” says the receptionist.

    “That’s why I’m here,” he says, “I have difficulty passing stools.”
     
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  7. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    One day a man called the church office and said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

    The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?

    The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?"

    She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!"

    To this, the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the church building fund . . ."

    To this, the secretary quickly responded, "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just walked in!"
     
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  8. dprsdhunter

    dprsdhunter Die Hard Bowhunter

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  9. Sota

    Sota Legendary Woodsman

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  10. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year old's.
    After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”

    Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
     
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  11. dprsdhunter

    dprsdhunter Die Hard Bowhunter

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  12. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Before crowbars were invented...
    ...most crows drank at home by themselves.
     
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  13. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A woman with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean.
    Nervously, she asks a crew member, “How far away from land are we?”

    He reassures her, “Don’t worry, we’re only 5 miles from land.”

    Relieved, she says “Oh, in which direction?”

    “That would be straight down Ma’am.” he replied.
     
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  14. dprsdhunter

    dprsdhunter Die Hard Bowhunter

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  15. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
    "He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
    "Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
    "Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
    "Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"



    Sounds like something my #3 Granddaughter would say. :lol:
     
  16. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That’s more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.
    I told her that it’s no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.

    She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.

    Then I explained to her that it’s more then enough time for me to swap the tires.
     
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  17. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    One day YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook will merge...
    It'll be called YouTwitFace.
     
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  18. wl704

    wl704 Legendary Woodsman

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    You may have heard apple will be getting into the EV market, but they won't use windows.
     
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  19. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    I watched my dog chase his tail for 30 minutes.
    And I thought “Wow, dogs are easy to entertain!“

    Then I realized, I just watched my dog chase his tail for 30 minutes.
     
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  20. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.

    Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.

    And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs. Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.

    Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.

    Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."

    All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
     

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