While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident. The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches." "What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer. "Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me, so I measured it!"
Dave’s best friend passed away recently. Grieving before his grave he said, “Bro, I really miss you. My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now. How about you reincarnate as my child?” A month later, Dave’s wife gave birth to a boy. As his child grew older each day, he realised he looks a lot like his best friend. Dave’s really happy that his prayer worked.
HARD WORK... Every morning, the CEO of a large bank in Manhattan walks to the corner where a shoe shine is always located. He sits on the couch, examines the Wall Street Journal, and the shoe shine gives his shoes a shiny, excellent look. One morning the shoeshine asks the Executive Director: - What do you think about the situation in the stock market? The Director asks in turn arrogantly: - Why are you so interested in that - that topic? "I have a million dollars in your bank," the shoeshine says, "and I'm considering investing some of the money in the capital market." - What your name? –Asks the Director. - John Smith H. The Director arrives at the bank and asks the Manager of the Customer Department: - Do we have a client named John Smith H.? - Certainly –answers the Customer Service Manager–, he is a highly esteemed customer. He has a million dollars in his account. The Director comes out, approaches the shoeshine, and says: - Mr. Smith, I ask you this coming Monday to be the guest of honor at our board meeting and tell us the story of your life. I am sure we will have something to learn from you. At the board meeting, the Executive Director introduces him to the board members: - We all know Mr. Smith, who makes our shoes shine in the corner; But Mr. Smith is also our esteemed customer with a million dollars in his account. I invited him to tell us the story of his life. I am sure we can learn from him. Mr. Smith began his story: - I came to this country fifty years ago as a young immigrant from Europe with an unpronounceable name. I got off the ship without a penny. The first thing I did was change my name to Smith. I was hungry and exhausted. I started wandering around looking for a job but to no avail. Suddenly I found a coin on the sidewalk. I bought an apple. I had two options: eat the apple and quench my hunger or start a business. I sold the apple for two dollars and bought two apples with the money. I also sold them and continued in business. When I started accumulating dollars, I was able to buy a set of used brushes and shoe polish and started polishing shoes. I didn't spend a penny on entertainment or clothing, I just bought bread and some cheese to survive. I saved penny by penny and after a while, I bought a new set of shoe brushes and ointments in different shades and expanded my clientele. I lived like a monk and saved penny by penny. After a while I was able to buy an armchair so that my clients could sit comfortably while cleaning their shoes, and that brought me more clients. I did not spend a penny on the joys of life. I kept saving every penny. A few years ago, when the previous shoe shine on the corner decided to retire, I had already saved enough money to buy his shoeshine location at this great place. Finally, three months ago, my sister, who was a whore in Chicago, passed away and left me a million dollars.
Contrary to many people's belief, a good night's sleep does exist. It had one last night. It was the first in three months. A good night's sleep should be on the Endangered Species List.
