So this young American guy goes hunting in England. After a hard run, the Master rides up to him, says, "May I have a word, young man? Now I realize that you are from the colonies where, perhaps, the formalities are not subscribed to as scrupulously as one might hope, but may I offer a suggestion? When you spy a fox running in the distance, the proper cry is "Tally- Ho!" Definitely not---"There goes the effing fox,"
I sell balloons for $1 each. Or if you want them blown up it’s $1.20. I’ve adjusted the price to allow for inflation.
A woman crashed her car. She told the policeman the man she collided with was on his phone and drinking a can of beer. The policeman said he can do what he likes in his own living room.
First day as a police officer... Captain: "Why did you call for back up?" Me: "There was a fly in my car." S.W.A.T. Team Leader: "What exactly do you think we do?"
A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won? The 5th grader from Alabama, because he’s 18 years old.
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
