Joke of the day.

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by grnhd, Apr 19, 2014.

  1. Artem256

    Artem256 Weekend Warrior

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2019
    Posts:
    379
    Likes Received:
    174
    Dislikes Received:
    2
    Damn that one hits hard
     
  2. takemrarely

    takemrarely Weekend Warrior

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2015
    Posts:
    285
    Likes Received:
    114
    Dislikes Received:
    0
    Sounds like something my MIL would say to my wife.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
    Artem256 likes this.
  3. wannabe hunter

    wannabe hunter Weekend Warrior

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2019
    Posts:
    214
    Likes Received:
    81
    Dislikes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Western Central Europe
    Women have a natural ability to make a male feel guilty. Especially those they depend on.
     
    Artem256 likes this.
  4. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    One shop owner asks another, "So, have you had any responses to your ad that you're looking for a night watchman?"
    "Yeah, we got robbed last night."
     
    sheddinva likes this.
  5. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.
    He said, “Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it’s completely gone now. My hair can’t be saved. But look outside at the forest. It’s such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they’ll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair.”

    “What I want you to do,” the man continued, “is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family’s duty to keep this forest strong.”

    So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
     
    sheddinva, Artem256, BikiBoki and 5 others like this.
  6. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
    The judge asks her, “First offender?”

    She replies, “No, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”
     
    sheddinva likes this.
  7. elkguide

    elkguide Grizzled Veteran

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Posts:
    4,655
    Likes Received:
    822
    Dislikes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Vermont
    I might wake up early and go for a run.
    I might also wake up and win the lottery.
    The odds are about the same.
     
    sheddinva, The Old Man and Artem256 like this.
  8. Artem256

    Artem256 Weekend Warrior

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2019
    Posts:
    379
    Likes Received:
    174
    Dislikes Received:
    2
    Yep!
     
  9. Artem256

    Artem256 Weekend Warrior

    Joined:
    Feb 16, 2019
    Posts:
    379
    Likes Received:
    174
    Dislikes Received:
    2
    Ha!
     
  10. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    My wife told me that she would smash my face into the keyboard if I didn’t stop being misogynist.
    And that’s when I let her know that I’m the Man of the House, the King of the Castle, the Lord of theMancjkkf no jskslskf d j.lo alsjdj djdjslai48 err is shwks9ri3jekdo 3irbdjdibsks.
     
    BikiBoki, sheddinva, Artem256 and 2 others like this.
  11. axtell343

    axtell343 Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Nov 5, 2014
    Posts:
    1,656
    Likes Received:
    2,452
    Dislikes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Northeast PA
    If a couple from West Virginia decides to get a divorce, are they still considered brother and sister?


    Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
     
    BikiBoki, sheddinva and Happy like this.
  12. wl704

    wl704 Grizzled Veteran

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2012
    Posts:
    6,221
    Likes Received:
    5,832
    Dislikes Received:
    11
    Location:
    greater-Charlotte NC
  13. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    At a winery, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
    A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position. The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.

    The drunk tried it and said, “It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.”

    “That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass…
    “This is a Cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.”

    “Correct.” A third glass… “It’s a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive,” the drunk said calmly.

    The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine.

    The alcoholic tried it. “It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don’t get the job I’ll name the father.”
     
  14. elkguide

    elkguide Grizzled Veteran

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Posts:
    4,655
    Likes Received:
    822
    Dislikes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Vermont
    I accidently went grocery shopping
    on an empty stomach.



    I am now the proud owner of aisle 4.
     
    Artem256, TJF and The Old Man like this.
  15. Sota

    Sota Legendary Woodsman

    Joined:
    Jun 28, 2014
    Posts:
    19,371
    Likes Received:
    8,674
    Dislikes Received:
    50
    Location:
    Minnesota
    I am tired of following my dreams, I am just going to ask where they are going and hook up with them later.
     
  16. elkguide

    elkguide Grizzled Veteran

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Posts:
    4,655
    Likes Received:
    822
    Dislikes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Vermont
    Tip of the day.

    NEVER ask a woman
    who is eating ice cream
    straight from the box,
    how she's doing!
     
    Artem256, BikiBoki, cantexian and 3 others like this.
  17. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    How much cocaine did Charlie Sheen do?




    Enough to kill two and a half men.
     
  18. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    I felt uncomfortable as I pulled into the cemetery today. The gps blurted out ”You’ve reached your final destination. “
     
  19. elkguide

    elkguide Grizzled Veteran

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2012
    Posts:
    4,655
    Likes Received:
    822
    Dislikes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Vermont
    Some Judges have a strange sense of justice.

    A 70 year old man robbed a bank and then promptly sat down in the lobby and waited for the police.
    When he went to trial, he told the Judge that he would rather live in jail than with his wife.
    The Judge sentenced him to house arrest!
     
  20. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2012
    Posts:
    2,274
    Likes Received:
    2,880
    Dislikes Received:
    4
    Location:
    North Dakota
    Three men die and meet Peter at the pearly gates.
    "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
    The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
    The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
    The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St.Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,"And just what do those Symbolize?"
    The man replied, "They're Carols".
     
    sheddinva, Artem256 and Sota like this.

Share This Page