Three sailors are discussing their cargo. They are used to transporting goods and make a good living doing so, this time however they’ve been tasked with taking 300 boxes of penis shaped potatoes across the channel and they all think it’s a joke. “We’ll be a laughing stock” says the first sailor. “I’ll never be able to live it down” says the second. “Let’s tell the captain that we’ve decided not to go” says the third. Headstrong they head to the captains quarters to voice their displeasure and inform him of their decision. The captain hears them out but ultimately disagrees and informs them that they’ll be going ahead with the journey. “But we’ve got you outvoted 3 to 1” the sailors cried in unison. “You fools” said the captain “you’re all forgetting one thing!” “What’s that?” Exclaimed the sailors. The captain stood tall and addressed them powerfully. “That this isn’t a democracy…” “It’s a **** tater ship!”
A 10 year old girl asks her mother… “Mommy, How was I born?” The mother smiled and replies, “Once upon a time your father and I planted a wonderful little seed. Daddy put it in the soil and I looked after it. Every day I gave it water and fertilizer. After a while the seed started to grow into a lovely plant with pretty green leaves. After a few months the plant grew big and healthy with lots of buds. When the plant was about 4 feet tall we cut it down and dried it.” “…and?” “Then we smoked it and got so high that we made love without a condom.”
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a school teacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a school teacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"
After being challenged by the rules in high school, I somehow graduated. A few years later, I married and was talked in to running for the school board. At my first meeting, the principle walked in and gave me a disgruntled look and I just couldn't help myself and said...…... "I'll bet that it's a little bit hard on you to know that I am now your boss!"
Reminds me on a quote, can't remember the original author: Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. I now tell it to my kids when they have trouble with school & teachers.
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened and the casket rolled inside. The beautiful heart then closed, sealing the doctor inside, forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry. I was just thinking of my own funeral...I'm a gynecologist." The proctologist fainted.
A guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker worked. She stuck her head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes..." Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
As someone who is married to a teacher, I can attest that that statement is not entirely accurate. It should read, "Most who can, do profitably. Some who can, teach. Those who can't teach, administrate. Those who can't administrate, run for office."
Might be true. However, I never met such an able teacher, which doesn't mean they don't exist. Like the proverbial black swans ... Left this out, because the discussion was about teachers. But I fully subscribe to that second part.
This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. "This mower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to curse at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!" "Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you."
Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face. The other guy asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test." The second one asked, "So? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?" The first guy replied, "No. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger." Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "Why are you crying?" Then the second guy replied, "I have come for a urine test."
You can read and type. I am guessing that somewhere along the way an able teacher had something to do with you developing these skills.
Not really a joke, but funny. Welcome to the South. https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10210333077563442&id=1837077897
There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale." A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass those f**king potatoes!"
Cat vs. Dog What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 5. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 6. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 7. They're moody. 8. They leave hair everywhere. CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a Dog? 1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They leave their toys everywhere. 8. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. 9. They go right for your crotch as soon as they meet you. CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coat
