Joke of the day.

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by grnhd, Apr 19, 2014.

  1. wl704

    wl704 Grizzled Veteran

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  2. cls74

    cls74 Legendary Woodsman

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    I damn near choked on my drink when I seen this.

    Holy chit is that funny lmao :lol:

    FB_IMG_1555374259027.jpg
     
  3. cls74

    cls74 Legendary Woodsman

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  4. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb, "Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?"

    "What?" the man huffed. "Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?"

    "Well no," the tourist said, "I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway."
     
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  5. cantexian

    cantexian Grizzled Veteran

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    I wouldn't trust that Senator. He will only think about this missed opportunity for not having a parking tax. Pay a tax every time you park.
     
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  6. cls74

    cls74 Legendary Woodsman

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  7. wl704

    wl704 Grizzled Veteran

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  8. sheddinva

    sheddinva Weekend Warrior

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    what-hump.jpg

    Sorry, had to. One of my favorite movie quotes next to "Abby Something"
     
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  9. wl704

    wl704 Grizzled Veteran

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    So many great lines from that movie
     
  10. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
    "Mom", he asked, "Are these my brains?"
    "Not yet," she replied.
     
  11. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A 75 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.

    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.

    The next day the 75 year old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

    The doctor asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, and then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth; first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out still nothing. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeez'n it between her knees, but still nothing.

    The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?"

    The old man replied, "Yep, but no matter what we tried, we still couldn't get that damned jar open."
     
  12. elkguide

    elkguide Grizzled Veteran

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    I didn't know that you were 75 years old, Old Man!!!!!!!
     
  13. axtell343

    axtell343 Die Hard Bowhunter

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  14. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Not quite, but closing in.
     
  15. elkguide

    elkguide Grizzled Veteran

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    Amazing just how fast those "GOLDEN" years approach and then seem to rush on buy!



    (though I think that someone mixed up the minerals because I think they are the "RUSTY" years!)
     
  16. elkguide

    elkguide Grizzled Veteran

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    Not much of a bumper sticker or logo type of a guy but when this truck passed me today it made me reconsider.

    Best one I've seen in a long time.





    Had a 3/4 ton, heavy duty, lifted, blacked out, huge mud tires with super exhaust pass me today

    and on his tailgate he had the decals that read....






    I IDENTIFY AS A TOYOTA PRIUS!!!!!!!
     
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  17. Black Hills Hunter

    Black Hills Hunter Newb

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  18. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    A parishioner who only attends church on holidays is leaving church after Easter mass. The preacher is standing at the door to shake hands. He grabs the parishioner by the hand and pulls him aside. “You need to join the Army of the Lord!” the pastor tells the parishioner.

    The parishioner replies, “I’m already in the Army of the Lord, pastor.”

    The pastor questions, “Then how come I don’t see you in church except at Christmas and Easter?”

    The parishioner whispers, “I’m in the secret service."
     
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  19. wl704

    wl704 Grizzled Veteran

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  20. The Old Man

    The Old Man Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

    “Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course – I think the police are wonderful – but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a dick?”

    “Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct.”

    “What about if I were just to think it?”

    “No sir. You can think whatever you like.”

    “In that case, I think you’re a dick.”
     
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