A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now."
No mail service today either. Rain, snow, or dark of night is one thing. This cold is quite another. Good for them. I can't blame them at all.
I got my dogs all fired up for the afternoon walk we made it up to the barn and filled the feed bucket and they were already picking their feet up and didn't want to go, I brought them to the house. I think they might have a little frostbite on the pads from the past couple of days.
This was my nine year old nephew. I don’t know why I laughed so hard but I haven’t laughed like that in a while Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
Almost makes you want to fly Southwest Airlines. This lady is good! https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/vir...eech-to-passengers/vi-BBSTjYe?ocid=spartanntp
Bill and Moe had started with only five hundred dollars between them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes. Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, the business failed, and personal debts forced both into bankruptcy. Bill and Moe blamed each other for the troubles, and they parted on unfriendly terms. Five years later, Bill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped for a cup of coffee. As he was discreetly wiping some crumbs from the table, a waiter approached. Bill looked up and gasped. "Moe!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, seeing you working in a place as bad as this." "Yeah," Moe said with a smirk. "But at least I don't eat here."
In January, my wife, a physician, met with an elderly patient. "So was Santa good to you?" she asked. "Real good," he said. "I got an SUV." "Really?" "Yeah .… Socks, Underwear, and Viagra."
When old MacPherson celebrated his 95th birthday, his cronies, for a joke, sent him an attractive masseuse. When she rang the doorbell, he hobbled to answer and found himself gazing at a svelte blonde figure. "I'm here to give you super sex," she said brightly. He thought for a minute. "I'll have the soup,"he said finally.
I had spent the late winter months waiting impatiently for signs of spring. When the first warm, sunny Saturday arrived, I eagerly unlocked the storm door and stepped onto our patio deck. I was pleased by the sight of green sprouts and the sounds of singing birds. More than anything else, I delighted in the sweet aroma of the spring air. Knocking on the kitchen window, I beckoned to my wife to join me in enjoying the pleasures of the season. She quietly brought me back to earth when she reminded me that I was standing over the dryer vent, inhaling the scent of fabric softener.
Recently, a man stopped at my desk at the library asking for help. A woman had breast-fed her infant and forgotten to “tuck herself back in.” I walked over to Lady Godiva and as tactfully as I could, said, “Ma’am, I’m very sorry, but we don’t allow open drink containers in the library.”
I have been on multiple flights with her and yes, she is worth the price of the ticket. I've seen people in horrible moods, turn on a dime and cry she made them laugh so hard.
Two jokes for the price of one- Heard this from our minister of music- what do you call a nun who sleepwalks? A roaming Catholic. Did you hear about the Australian aborigine who bought a new boomerang and went bonkers trying to throw the old one away?
A girl from New York and a girl from the west coast were seated side by side on an airplane. The girl from New York, being friendly and all said, "So, where ya from?" The west coast girl said, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence." The girl from New York, sat quietly for a few moments and then replied: "So, where ya from.... b!tc#?"
