Hey, I'm all for making sure the kids know whats acceptable, and what isn't...but some of the responses sound like paranoia. If they aren't giving you a reason to be suspicious, then why be?
To me, Vito....the stakes are simply too high. If I'm to err.....it'll be on the side of paranoia. I'm OK with that. What's the downside? Serious question. Do you weigh this against what may be quelled? Is it worth it? I can't answer this for anyone else.
Just a difference of opinion. Snooping in their rooms and checking text messages, when the kid has done nothing to make you suspicious, sounds like paranoia and/or lack of confidence, to me.
Matt, maybe I have a jaded mindset due to where I work. I work at a juvenile lock-up facility that houses some really nasty kids. We have kids that come in on their first charge, yet their first charge is really sick. We have kids in for gang raping their female acquaintances, kids filming and receiving texts of 12-13 yr olds girls in porn type videos, kids setting up gang murders on their phones, etc......and their parents thought they were great kids b/c they had never done anything that they "knew" about.
He's never given me a reason to check his phone. But, I would. Do I look in his truck? I have. I will, again. Do I snoop (tough word!) in his room? I don't make a habit of going in there. But, I wouldn't feel any different going in there than I would going in my own closet. Would I find a 'Playboy'? Probably. But, that's something we've talked about, and he's got no reason to hide that from us. Would I find a beer bottle? Probably. Would I sweat that? No. I know him pretty well. If I've learned one thing about parenting.....it's not always what you EXpect......it's what you INspect. I'm a realist.
My mom made it pretty clear that she could go through any of 'my' stuff anytime she wanted. It wasn't a bad thing... I understood it as her being a parent and she really trusted me a lot because she never found anything that was 'bad'. Tho' I did have a pet snake that I put in my jewelry box ..and that freaked her out. I'm not really sure what she thought she might find. Back in the day, my parental units were big time drug dealers. I remember being tasked with separating sticks and twigs out of a bale of mj that came in. I never had much to do with the drugs then so I know she wasn't worried about that. I was also allowed to drink at home if I wanted. (never wanted to drink..) So it wasn't booze. Maybe naked photos or something? (but one year my mom got a subscription to Playgirl magazine and I was allowed to look at it.... mostly I laughed... "that looks like a dried up potato!") :D I can also say that to this day if she wanted to look at my texts or emails.. I'd let her. Heck, I'd let just about anybody look at my texts and emails. I don't have much to hide... and they're pretty boring anyhow. ... 'cept for those texts from Vito... So... yeah, I don't believe it's an invasion of privacy... it's being a parent.
Honestly, you guys don't have to justify why/how you raise your kids (legally). I thought some of the actions sounded like paranoia, when some (maybe all) of you are good enough parents that you don't need to be paranoid. As for tailing your wife, for those that do, I was just looking out. I don't want anyone to get caught. Its guy code. Why is anyone listening to anything I say, anyway? And my wife is watching the bachelor, so I'm bored. You don't make over 2,000 posts by always adding substance.
I wouldn't label it paranoia. It's not like you spend all day worrying about what your kids doing wrong or running around the house in panic mode because you believe something is wrong. I see it as a usefull tool to guide them in the right direction (if needed). I look back and see all the stuff my mother had no clue about when I was a teen (and she was a good mother), I turned out pretty good, but she should have done some more snooping lol. Or maybe she did and I don't know..... hmmmmmmmmmmm. Whatever I have to do to send them down the right path is what I'm going to do. If that involves looking through the room from time to time to (maybe) catch something that isnt right..... so be it. They're only that age once. Who knows what could steer them off course.
I was raised In a strict house hold. Did my mom search my room? I'm sure she did but don't know for sure. Will I search my daughters room If I'm suspicious of something? You damn right! To me It's not sneaking.
yeah I dont' think snooping or sneaking was the best terminology. More like searching or looking without their knowledge?
Hard to say bruce. I turned out good. Good person (for the most part). Good values, ethics, good job etc.... It did take me awhile to get there and went through some rough times though. I think how I turned out was me being a very self motivated and maybe aside from Jordan the most compeitive person there is lol. I probably could have gone a different way though. p.s. my mother was a way above average parent. She had her hands full and I really can't believe how she got through what she did with me and my brothers.
That's kind of my point. We don't turn out well because are parents were proactive and searching without our knowledge. We turn out well because of the examples set by the people we look up to. The people we look up to may not have been our parents but, none the less, it is by their examples that we decided that was how we wanted to be. My folks weren't proactive at all. They were divorced so I never saw my father and mom grew up on a farm and thought we should grow up the same way, zero supervision. One time I called her from Michigan after I had been gone for 2 weeks and she said, "Oh, I wondered where you were." I was 15 yrs old at the time LOL . I had some rough spots too but I think I turned out pretty good but only because someone made a difference in my life with their example of how a person should be, not by examining my stuff for possible infractions. Show your children the kind of adult you want them to be by being an example and they will likely turn out pretty good. They will do enough stuff right out in the open for you to have "teachable moments" over. Searching their stuff without their knowledge, even though it is your "right" as a parent, only teaches them you don't trust them and they aren't deserving of your respect.
I just asked my two oldest kids about searching their rooms. My eight year old daughter said I could search her room whenever I wanted to because "there is nothing inappropriate in there". My six year old son said, "no". hahahaha
Question to anyone, years ago do you think there was less problems with kids then there Is now? I believe there was much less problems then because parents weren't trying to be best friends with their kids but rather parents.
No. There has always been crappy parents. There have always been rotten kids. ALWAYS. This is not a new phenomenon.
