Don't know why this just came to my mind but it did. Do you think its ok do snoop around your kids bedroom? With no real suspicion of anything, but just to see if there is something laying around that might raise a red flag? Or do you think that is invading their privacy and not the right thing to do? Just curious is all.
It's not invasion of privacy if they don't catch you snooping! lol. I've been on the receiving end of that a time or two. I was angry, but then I realized I lived under my parents roof and they had the right to do as they saw fit. If there is a chance you can stop a behavior before it becomes a problem, then you have done your job as a parent.
As a child I wouldn't have liked it, but I would know that it's really my parent's room, not mine. As a parent, I feel the same way. I think I would make sure that the child knows that this is the case ahead of time. This is not saying I think you should tell your child that you are going to perform random searches, but you might want to ask their opinion on how they view the subject.
It's not their house, they're just living there:D In all seriousness, that's how I was raised, and it's how I will raise my future kids. They may "hate" me at the time, but I see too many non proactive parents trying to be "friends" with their kids these days, and they're failing...miserably.
How would a child learn to respect and value the privacy of others if the only people they should be able to trust don't respect and value their privacy? If I get to the point where I feel the need to snoop around in their room then I think I have failed when it comes to gaining my child's trust and communicating with them.
I would like to add: If I am going to search my childs room I am going to tell them why I feel the need to search it and have them present while I search it.
I agree with Bruce. My kids are young, and we haven't had to deal with type of issue yet. I hope I can trust my kids when they get older, but I was a teenager once and I know what teenagers are capable of. If I ever feel I need to snoop, I will give them the chance to come clean first. If they don't, and I still feel I need to search their room, they will be present. At least thats how I hope it will play out. Tough to say until I'm in that situation, and I hope I never will be.
If I feel a need to search my child's room, I will do it with or without their consent. Ideally, I would like to have them conditioned to the point that they will sit and have a mature conversation with me prior to me searching their room. If not, so be it. I remember growing up that my parents did not have really deep conversations with us, they expected us to behave in a certain manner and if we did not, there were immediate and not fun consequences. I am trying to raise my kids just a bit differently. Although it is hard for me, I am forcing myself to have deep/emotional conversations with my kids, discussing any and everything. This is so as we grow older together our bonds will be strong and true, bonds built on emotion/love and not on being robotic.
ohhhhhhhhhhhh i get fired up with this stuff!!! disclaimer: i have no children i feel it is the parents right/duty to be involved to the utmost in their childrens life. when that child get older some things can be dicussed like a journal and maybe some notes from boy/girlfriends but only after some rules (sex, drugs and drinking) have been established. i really think it would be fun to be a parent, a lot of work! but fun. hug and kiss your kids just cause tonight =-)
I agree with the sentiment of this... sadly though, the real world doesn't collide nicely with this seemingly idealistic approach... kids are not ~only~ raised by their parents anymore... being a parent means being involved, sometimes that breaks thru privacy barriers, life is rough and the sooner kids understand that the better... i mean really, when they go off to work their email and web use is tracked and there is absolutely zero right to privacy there either, why should that expectation exist in a home with more do's/don'ts than most jobs???
It's not an invasion of privacy..... It's your DUTY. The critical thing is how do you handle it when you find something you don't like.
When Haley and Sheree came to live with us we told them we want them to be able to trust us. However, we also told them that thier rooms were a part of our house and we could be in there at any time looking for anything. They have given us zero reason for suspicion so we have not snooped yet. They know it could happen.
If a parent feels the need to sneak around behind their childs back, snoop in their room, then they should take a long look in the mirror when trying to find the reason.
Bruce: You're essentially saying a child has the same mental capabilities we do.....if you value their judgement on an equal basis. Am I off base?
