"How To" Proven Face Paint method.

Discussion in 'Bowhunting Talk' started by selfbros, Sep 16, 2016.

  1. selfbros

    selfbros Die Hard Bowhunter

    Jul 20, 2011
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    Glen Carbon, IL
    Have you ever painted up your face, and then set out to your favorite tree stand. Shortly after you were all settled in, an unexpecting deer happens along and BAM it looks up at you while you’re attempting to make your move. That feeling comes over you with high intensity. That feeling when you know you’ve been busted, but you assure yourself “Man I have painted my face just like Justin and Todd so there can be no way this deer sees me”. Then the doubt takes over as this deer tilts its head in bewilderment, as if you can read its mind and hear it think “WTF”. You’re frozen in time waiting for this timid creature of the woods to turn away, but it continues to stare at you. Again the doubt reaches in and this time it grabs your soul and shakes you as to say “you missed a spot on your face you dam fool”. Meanwhile, this deer is undoubtedly thinking “WTF is wrong with this human's face, it looks weird as hell; I mean, did this human put that crap on its face in an attempt to blend in with something, or merely to scare the pellets out of us witty deer” and everything falls apart as the deer stomps its hoof into the ground in laughter and scurries away telling all the deer and other creatures about the goof in the tree with the weird *** face. Meanwhile, your left there along contemplating jumping from the stand to end the taunting of this malleus creator who’s now bullied you so much into thinking you can never step into these woods again. The shame of it all.

    Well petty yourself no more, for now there’s a way to get your confidence back and earn your respect back from those creatures who’ve so thoughtlessly took it away from you. Here at SelfBros. INC our researchers have been observing and recording all type of face covering. From facemask, paint and the most common wearing the skin of a squirrel. Most recently, we’ve concluded our research and have developed a “best in Class” method of concealment. A method so advanced that even our researchers have forgotten they even exist. Trust me when I say, it’s a true fire method that will fool even the most advanced mature bucks. There are a few simple steps that will leave you virtually invisible to those prying eyes of the woods. As soon as you apply, it will be as if you stopped existing at once. The horror struck squirrels will undoubtedly fall from the trees and the woods will be filled with the still shaking corpses of all those poor little pathetic creatures.

    Presently, you may think we at Selfbros. Inc have lost touch with reality and some may believe us mad. Yet once you try our method you too with be as confident as we are today. Here’s our simple but deadly formula of success
    1. Gathering of material. (The colors of this procedure can very, so choose what you like.)

    2. Applying first coat. (Base Layer if you will) apply around your eyes and mouth.

    3. Apply filler coat. (2nd Layer) this step insures full concealment of the face.

    4. Now to add the details that set you apart from those poor fools that are contently busted by the prey they pursue.

    Now that you’ve completed all of the above steps you’re ready to go back to that tree stand and stand proud, for not a single being will laugh at you ever again. You are Man (or Woman) and you are the keeper of your domain. Rest assure the next time this deer crosses paths with you. You’ll be the one laughing.

    If you don’t believe us then just listen to what some of our happy followers had to say.

    FITZ“It blows my mind the peer genius of it all. People have showered me with heartwarming complements when I use Selfbros. Inc facial paint method. Thanks guys!”

    Tony“I’ve always painted my face like this when I’m along and dressing myself in my wife dresses, but I never knew it was so wonderful to use in the woods."

    Ace Ventura“Yes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Can ya feel that, buddy? Huh? Huh? Huh? “

    Copehunt“I must have done something wrong?”

    Cablebob“I used this face paint method along with the Squirrel shied deluxe and now I’m the greatest hunter of all times.”

    Justin“this works great in the woods, but man did I give my family a scare when I returned home and forgot to remove it from my face.”

    These were just a small sample of comments we received.

    Remember folks we strive for excellence in all or our methods and products. And we can’t wait to hear your success stories. Until next time happy hunting.

    Disclaimer: Selfbros, Inc and its affiliates are in no way to be held responsible for getting shot in the tree while wearing said face paint method. In addition, Selfbros, Inc and its affiliates are not responsible for hunters who get sexually assaulted by Tigars, lions, or Ligers. The Face painting Method is only to be used as a tool to fool deer. It is not to be used to commit crimes or for political purposes. Also any use of this product by MTV’s Jersey Shore will not be acceptable and we will prosecute to the fullest extent of the law. This product maybe illegal in some states, please check your local laws before using the Face paint method. This product has not yet been approved in Mexico.

    Warning, using this face paint method may cause persons to get shot, raped by wild beast, or up to but not limited to personal injury or death. Also, be aware that in some extreme cases the use of this method has resulted in divorce. In most cases applicants have received excessive respect from other hunters.
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2016
  2. tacklebox

    tacklebox Grizzled Veteran

    Nov 2, 2012
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    Central KS
    ;).... poor poor Tony

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