How do you handle grandparents that do not share the same beliefs as you?

Take all the gifts back and exchange them for some hunting stuff.

Seriously... express your concerns in a nice way and suggest a single nice gift. I would suggest, saying something along the lines of "We want the children to embrace your traditions, but let's define some limits so we don't cause confusion for them later."

 

And of course you can always throw out there "Why yes,now that you mention it,
Those pants do make your *** look big!
She probably wouldn't have baby sat for you anyways,

 

My family was never into birthdays growing up, so naturally I wasnt either when my kids were little....

until I found out how much that hurt my wife. Since then I try to make all my kids birthdays a huge deal in terms of excitement....
not necessarily gifts.

 

The only problem I see is this. When mini hooker gets older, he/she is going to compare the amount of gifts from you vs the amount from the grandparents. Then you will look like a cheap bastard

 

X2

My wife's mother is a jehova witness but her dad was not and so Christmas and birthdays were always messed up for her because she always felt left out. I think it's a wonderful time of year to just chill out and be happy for a few weeks and hand out and receive a few gifts on Christmas morning.
After January 1 we can get back to all of our issues and problems of the world. They will still be there.

 

This is one of the things where it is hard to compromise on. My wifes family does not give many presents which is what my wife and I prefer but my Mom is ridiculus with the presents every year. She gives them so much crap we have only given the kids a couple of things each year because there is definitely is a point where enough is enough. Even with asking her not to do it she does what she wants. I almost took the kids home one time and told her she needed to stop the only thing this did was upset the kids and the last thing I wanted to do was ruin Christmas for them. So we have sort gave in on this one and figure there are other battles that are more important. Good luck I hope you can get it worked out.

 

Seeing the joy on your child's face just may soften your heart on that topic

 

Okay I am going to bite... May I ask "why" you don't want Christmas to be a big deal? I promise no judging. It may surprise you but it isn't that big of a deal at my house either though we do enjoy the family time.

 

I don't like the way some people go crazy at Xmas time either. We just never had the money when I was a kid and I see no reason to waste money on something someone may not want now. LOL When my only son/child was a kid...well we spent money for Xmas. He got everything from Go Carts, skis, to you name it. That was fine. Now I just buy he and his wife gift cards for a couple hundred bucks at REI. He makes more money than God and has all the toys. I just feed his outdoors habit a little. When I moved back here my sister in law wanted to know what I wanted for Xmas. I told her "NOTHING". She's an Xmas shopper aholic. She starts shopping in Feb and keeps it up until Xmas. It's insane what she buys. If she knows you... she's buying you something. I told her, you've been my sister in law for nearly 50 years. What did you buy me before I moved back here in 2007... exactly... NOTHING. What did I buy you for Xmas.... EXACTLY...NOTHING. Why ruin a great relationship by starting now. You'll buy me something... then I have to buy you and my brother something. Then you'll try to outdo me next year. THe next year I'll feel obligated to buy more and it becomes a spending war. Do me a favor.... buy me nothing and I won't buy you anything. Spend it on your grand kids. My speel was wasted.... she bought me a damn electric toaster over I don't use. So of course... I had to buy them something... and every year it gets bigger. I finally got tired of trying to come up with a gift. I now buy them a few bottles of wine. But like this year.... we've gone from nothing to $200 in wine. I'm turning them into alcoholics.

 

I know it's cliche, but I really do hate the materialism that surrounds Christmas.

 

I too hate the materialism around Christmas but I love spiced rum and egg-nog. You take the good with the bad.

 

Christmas definitely Isn't what It used to be. It's way to much about kids getting an over abundance of presents. But who am I to judge I guess. I'll say this though- I grew up most of my life without grandparents. My last grandparent died when I was 12 years old. I was very close to them all. Anybody that *****es about grandparents to me usually gets an ear ful. Enjoy them while they are here. Some of us didn't get to.

I've saw where kids don't get much at Christmas (some of these parents weren't much for Christmas). The other 11 months out of the year the spoiled little ****s get everything else.

 

^^^^ This! I only knew one of my grandparent's. She passed away several years ago.

 

I've had my share of mother in law problems at Christmas. The big one is 5 years ago she bought a dog for my then 3 year old for Christmas without consulting us. We were the only ones in the whole family who didn't know about it. Her reasoning was that she knew we'd say no.

How's that for respect huh?

 

Holy hell threads like these make me appreciate my parents all the more. What does it matter if your kid has an extra nerf gun to play with? The excitement of Christmas and presents was one of my favorite childhood memories. My grandparents spoiled me with gifts, money, and time...

Teaching a kid respect, manners, doing the right thing, morals, etc is 100% independent of material gifts. I'm proof of that cause I grew up with as much crap as any kid I know and turned out better than dang near all of them


As for religion and holidays and such....I think you owe it to your child as a human to let them decide without prejudice influenced by you. My father doesn't believe in god I don't think, yet he never once forced me to go to church (as my mom wanted) or his beliefs on me at an early age (as he likely wanted)... They taught me to do the right thing and be a good human being first and foremost, and let me decide in my own time growing up. The only time I went to church as a child was when I asked to go with grandma. I was naively skeptical throughout high school and didn't truly see the light (bad pun intended) until college.

In my mind, nothing BUT a creation theory including god makes sense and no science yet has come close to disproving this. In your mind its the opposite, every person deserves to be able to decide for themselves...

 

I would have told her what I told folks when I moved here after my wife died. Everyone first off wanted to "FIX me UP" with this great friend who was a wonderful person... yada yada yada. I just stopped them in their tracks and said, "we're friends. If you want to remain my friend you will not try to dictate which way my life goes now. If I want a girl friend... I can find one that suits me and not you. Are we clear?" The next thing was I had to put down both of my wifes cats within 6 months. One neice showed up with a cat to keep me company. I told her I appreciated her concern for me... "but if I wanted another pet I'd have it. If you leave that cat here it will be buried next to my wife's 2 cats before sundown". At my age the only pet I need is a nap and a bottle of good bourbon. LOL She took the cat home. I know, I'm a grinch... but I like it that way.

 

Materialism... cliche or not... its the reality of what happens when we focus on our ourselves and miss the far greater point. You want to shield your children from such nonsense... kudos to you. As to the posts questioning whether you are doing right or not... That wasn't your question was it? You were looking for a strategy as I understoood it.

You're not likely to get the in-laws to completely agree with your position and you certainly don't seem like you would want to spoil their joy, so the best course as I see it is to be honest with them and share that you want/need them in your children's life but ultimately there are some boundary limits. You guys can work out those limits. I would suggest limiting gifts to needed things such as baby care supplies for now such as outfits and blankets, etc... Again honest communication will be the challenge AND the secret to successfully navigating future potential conflicts. Well handled; you'll look like the clear leader of the family in your wife's eyes as well as your in-laws' and they will respect you as the great dad we all know you are going to be.

 

What did you do with the dog? That would have resulted in an immediate trip to the pound for me.

 

Kept it, still have it today. I couldn't bear to take it away from my daughter, she was so excited. Which is what my MIL was counting on.

That was 5 years ago, I told her then she crossed the line and things between us will never be the same - to this day I only talk to her when I have to or if I want her to babysit.

 

Make it what you think it should be but just make it speacial. IMO