Hey guys, I need some words from a few good men so I thought I'd ask here since it involves the guy that used to be my main hunting buddy (Mechdoc has replaced him) My buddy is getting married Saturday, typical White Trizzle back yard event. My dilemma is that he blew off my wedding, lied about why he wasn't going and instead used his plane ticket to Vegas a week later for a bachelor party(1 of 3 for a friends second marriage?). The guy was one of our buddies that ended up marrying a girl that I was seeing prior to my wife(Springer Baby!). Naturally my best friend decided it would benefit him to spend the following weekend blowing 3 grand on hookers and gambling than going to my wedding the week before even though we had been friends for 15 years. I was also advised he would make good on the 200.00 dinner for him and his lady as well as a sizable gift, never even got a card. The hard part is this guy was with me on public land when I shot my first deer. We have been roomates twice and helped each other through our divorces from our first wives. The difference is that I walked away from partying and became no fun unless he wanted to hunt and then rarely ever showed up. We worked together as well, at nightclubs and for his dad, I am like family. I no longer like to live the Studio 54 life so I am no longer cool or fun, that is what I gather out of everything. So the kick in the balls is that 3 Bachelor Party boy is best man, I wasn't even asked to stand up even though Me and another buddy threw his bachelor party since the 3 Bachelor Party boy was too busy. I am contemplating not showing up to his wedding but several friends in our circle said not to stoop to his level. Here are my question guys, help me decide. 1. Do I be the bigger guy, get some free drinks and grub and get my white trizzle on? 2. If I do go do I take a card with money? Take a card with no money? Take nothing and pull his famous move and say "Dude, I dropped it off and you should have gotten it. That sucks because I had 400 bucks with that card, you better find who took it" 3. I am supposed to wear slacks and a shirt and tie, two of my buddies that are going are tired of his crap and wearing jeans and a button down shirt complete with gold chain and chest hair showing(Magnum P.I. Look) Do I wear slacks if I go or wear jeans? 4. He wanted to borrow my buddies JD Gator for his Valet service which consists of his 15 year old son and friend. The guy that owns the gator has a dad dying of cancer and his mom needed a room painted, captain reliable dissed her and never showed up even though they own the farm the bachelor party was at and have always let him hunt there with us. Do we at the last minute say "sorry dude, Mike's dad needs that Gator down at the farm" and let the kid with no license hoof it instead of crashing the Gator? 5. Last but not least if 3 bachelor party boy's wife hits on me when she gets drunk(Usually happens whenever we have the pleasure of running into them) do I let my wife kick her tail or do I kindly tell her husband to put a leash on his ole lady? I obviously need to turn to some real people for an answer, help a brother out!
Sheet dude, I'm slightly confused but I'll try. I'm not going to directly answer any of your questions, you can decide what to do there. But, I will give you my outlook on life when it comes to these types of situations with people......its short and simple. No matter what you and a person did in the past, things change....people change. I have people that I used to do a ton of things with and even considered them great friends, but no longer talk to them. Why? Because time has changed them AND me. There is nothing there to share anymore. Maybe you need to let go and realize that you share very little in common with them. Hanging on only holds you back in life. Sorry this was short brother. Its painfull, but a fact of life.....things change.
Thanks Dan- I am with you but have a group of friends in the middle of the issue. Most are frustrated with him, half say don't even show up but the other half say don't stoop to his level. I guess it's hard to see how bad he has torn up his life with the direction he has gone. I will likely go and not take a card or anything and make it my last social obligation
I may be young, but I have experienced something similar. I was best friends with the same guy for many years, and I mean we were ALWAYS hanging out together. But throughout the friendship, he was somewhat like the friend you are describing. An inconsiderate, unappreciative hack. And honestly, not a very good person. I tried to keep up with his lifestyle for a while, bit it just wasn't for me. And eventually time and events drove a hard wedge between us until..eventually we just stopped talking to each other all together. Would I help him out if he reached out to me in an hour of need? Sure. Am I going to ask him to hunt with me, much less even talk to him this year? No. We have shared many, many good times together, and some of my best memories involve him. I can't tell you what to do about your friend, you have to choose that, but holding onto that relationship, for me, would not have been the best choice. And honestly, I am glad I am no longer friends with that guy.
2 wrongs dont make it right. Make an appearance and see how it goes if you dont feel comfortable get out.
That is where I am kinda at Peakrut. I plan on going, slamming a few drinks with those of us that are frustrated and then getting the hell out for more important things.
Tell him it is opening weekend of Illinois archery season. If he really wanted you to show up he would have scheduled it for another time! GO HUNT!!!
Well if he hunts then he should know better then anyone that you don't schedule other stuff opening weekend!
Dude, that's a tough one, I think you have already gotten some good advice. If it were me I would make a showing and not put too much $$ into the gift and blow the joint shortly afterwards...Good luck with it and I hope it all works out for you!
Nope. Just got a message wanting to know if he can borrow my fogger for the bugs, I don't even have one. Drugs are bad.
I say payback is a b****.Besides he already hinted that the mosquitos are going to be bad there.But the free food and Alcohol is always tempting.
Go to the wedding, take a small gift. Be the bigger man and then basically you are free and clear to cut off social ties until he comes back wondering why you aren't being "cool" and "fun" anymore. If that happens, it is then you let him know what you think about the situation. The problem is, a wedding should not be used as a pawn. Just go and enjoy other people around the event. After the wedding you start to let go, much like Dan said. You made your final appearance at a special time in his life, you showed your commitment to wanting to be his friend, let him decide if he will choose the hectic and chaotic life over your friendship. Just my honest opinion.
