My wife and I never talk much about having kids but she went off the pill when we got married and so we figured it would just happen when it happened. We were both about 29 and we went on with life and enjoyed the hell out of it. Now turning 50 next year and no kids I kind of regret we didn't try harder. My friends with kids think we have the best life but I really envy them. Not sure that's helpful but it where I am today.
View attachment 25008 My best memories as a child. Hoping to share this same thing with my children in the future. ( no kids, I'm 19 unmarried) Another thing I'll say is when I do get to the time of having kids I'm going to have more then one. Way to many good memories with my siblings to rob my children of that.
I'm in a similar situation Matt. 32, married, no kids. No immedeate plans for them. I wouldn't be upset if it happened, but we are perfectly happy with how things are. My brother has 5 under 9 yo. House full of love... but damn, that's a lot of noise I used to think I'd do the whole get married and have kids right away thing, but I'm honestly on the fence now. Even if we do decide to, we may end up adopting, though it's crazy exspensive. I guess I'll say, don't feel pressured to have kids, but if you do, you probably won't think twice about it.
Amen to that, perfectly said. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. My son just turned 15, daughter 12...they are awesome. Yeah, life changes for sure....and as an individual, you sacrifice and your priorities change - but its all worth it. My wife and I love being parents, its the biggest blessing in our lives for sure. Sounds like you are obviously enjoying your lives now, and that is awesome. All I can tell you is if you do decide to have kids...you'll enjoy it as well - just in a much different way, and maybe more.
My friends with kids think we have the best life but I really envy them. I thinks not sure that's helpful but it where I am today ..
I can easily see my life with or without kids at this point. I want to wait til later in life (closer to 30 than 20 at the very least) if I can help from it. Finacially stable, more mature, lived out the best years, yada yada yada.... I selfishly just want to have fun. I've put my career and school ahead of everything since, hell I've been driving. I look forward to being Dr. Embry at 24 years old, with time and money to blow living the next half decade doing whatever the heck I want to. At that point I'll figure out if kids are right for me then.
Brad, I appreciate your honest post. Having kids and marriage IS NOT easy. All the fairy tale movies people watch leads them to believe love, marriage, and child rearing is so easy. It can challenge you to the core and for that I am grateful. Having kids has made me a better man. I had my first child at 27, only 14 months after I was married. Sometimes I wish that I would have been "free" longer, but my children were meant to be, and I would not want to have any other children than the one's that came to me from love. I actually just got home from a very busy night at work where people were just terrible to one another and kissed all my sleeping children on the face as they slept in their beds....they are me and I am them.
A lot of good responses, guys. Definitely honest, and some not expected (a good thing). It's funny that Matt mentioned getting a dog. My wife REALLY wants a dog, and I do too, but I'm worried about the hair, chewing things up, etc,. Maybe that's a sign I'm not ready for kids:D I always wanted a lab, and she wanted an ankle biter fluff ball. The other day, she just said maybe we should get a lab, so who knows. Anyways, it's good to see everyone's perspective. I KNOW having kids is hard work. There's no denying that. I don't think I'm hesitant because of the responsibility as much as I am my lifestyle change. If push came to shove (terrible way of putting it, I know), and we had our first unexpectedly, I would put 110% love, time, and effort into that child. There just isn't any other way for me personally. I would not let myself be a poor father under any circumstance.
I'm ok with having kids change my life but can't say I'd let a dog change my life. Don't want to have my time each day based around an animals eating and pee schedule. Maybe that's where I'm selfish.
Over the years my three daughters have made me laugh, made me weep, made me mad, kept me awake nights, made me do without, disappointed me and made me the proudest person on earth, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. You and your wife are the only ones who can decide when you're really ready. My guess is your wife probably is but that's between the two of you. I can say one thing for sure. Without kids, you never get grandkids and that's the real payoff. Blessings.........Pastorjim Sent from my SPH-D710 using Tapatalk 2
I was in my early 30s and a youth minister and had no children... of my own. I had watched my youth group explode from a handfull of junior high girls to over 80 kids. I had enough kids but didn't really think I wanted or needed any of my own. I could go fishing almost every day after work, hunting almost every day after work during deer season; whatever. I was you, kind of. In 1996, I went to Promise Keepers in Atlanta, not really expecting much. They had this time on Saturday when all these young men were taken away from their dads for a few hours for some activities. Later that morning, they were all brought back in as all us men stood and cheered them for 20 minutes as they came running out onto the floor of the Georgia Dome. My wife and I were childless and thought we were happy but I cheered for them. Then I realized the enormous gaping hole that was in my life that all the activities that I enjoyed (that I thought I enjoyed) could never fill. I dropped to my knees, right then and there, and prayed for a son, I knew his name would be Zachary. There was a little boy I used to take fishing in Louisiana who came from a hard family life named Zachary, that would spend weekends with me. I told him once, if I ever have a son, I hoped he would be just like him and he told me he wished he had a dad like me. My Zach is awesome... he holds doors open for ladies... any age, any color, any level of attractiveness. He has gotten in a fight twice in his life, one was in the middle of English class because a boy was picking on a girl and would not leave her alone. Zach hit the boy so hard, he knocked him clean across the room. He volunteers his free time to work in a community ministry center. I thought I would raise him but I have learned so much from him. There isn't a thing in this world that matters that I have missed. Yes it takes a lot of my time but so does sitting in a tree stand, working, fishing etc... He tosses me around like a rag doll now when we wrestle, I can't beat him swimming anymore, he's taller and passing his clothing down to me now. And yet to this day; when I wait to pick him up after school, I can't wait to see him, to know he is okay, to hear about his day, to laugh at the funny things that have happened, to comfort him when his day isn't so great. I can't imagine life without him. What was I thinking in my 20s and 30s? What a blessing the privilege of being allowed to be a dad is to me.
I'm nearing 40 and no kids. My ex & I never felt the need to have them. MANY people looked at us with pity & shame for not wanting to have children. We had a great life, did anything & everything we wanted. I have no regrets. We had a dog (still mine now) and she is my "child", but I really can't see the comparison to having an actual child, the responsibility for a human life over a dog is immeasurable. Most people who know me say I would be a good Dad and are a little shocked I didn't have any kids. I've had friends who went a long time not wanting kids and then "oops" here came one. Their life was so changed and they enjoyed it, that they had another. I've also seen a person have a child but was not changed for the good, saw it as a hinderance and hasn't been the greatest parent. So..you never know.
My daughter goes to her first Dance tonight, I am a total reck, LOL BTW you are not being selfish at all, just honest.
I had one kid. I don't know if he's ever going to have a kid. He'll turn 41 next week. He and his wife have been wrapped up in career, continuing degrees etc. They make really good money and just enjoy going and doing things. Last weekend they decide Seattle had been gloomy so they just took a long weekend to Hawaii. In the past year they've made trips to Italy, another to France and several long weekend deals from coast to coast just to hook up with old friends. With kids you can't go and do like they do. He also rides lots of bicycle races and things like that. Kids would take away all they fun. She's 36.
For my son's 8th b'day, we went to Gatlinburg and rode bikes through Cades Cove together. We saw countless deer, a few bears, a solid black rattlesnake. We would stop from time to time to catch salamanders or swim in the freezing cold river. We had, not one, but two ice cream cones at the store when we finished riding... One of the best days of my life.
You being 28 still have plenty of time to have kids. My first kid was when I was 30 but honestly if it had been at 35 then that would have been fine too. Take some time to have fun, travel, fish and hunt - eventually you'll find that the desire to have kids will become greater over time. You'll know when its time. Once you do have kids, it will still be fun - just a different kind of fun. We used to go to Mexico as a couple before kids, it was a blast out all hours of the night partying - the first time we took our then 4 year old was completely different. Out of bed by 7 am and in bed by 9 pm, although it was completely different than what we were use to in Mexico, it was 100 times more fun watching her giggling while running from the waves on the beach. I have no desire to go back without her now.
Most kids don't **** on your grass, or leave hair all over the house, or pee on the floor, or dig holes in your yard, or chase squirrels into the street, or bark at everyone that walks by even if its 5am, or chew your kids' toys, or chew your shoes, or steal a loaf of bread off the counter, or stand right behind you all the time so you almost fall over him 15 times a day. I said "most". I still love the hell out of that dog.
