This one ought to get some responses:D So, I know most of you on here have kids, or are in the process (Hooker, Finch, RJ). My wife and I talk about our future children with the assumption that it's just going to happen someday (we both just turned 28). However, I certainly have my reservations, and I've made her aware in our discussions, so it's not as if I'm secretly leading my wife on with false intentions. This is going to come across selfish. There's no if, and, or but about it. I'm happy with our life. I enjoy the freedoms we have, and our ability to travel extensively, go away on the weekends when we want, we can workout when we want, I can work on the house all summer, hunt all fall, etc, etc. I've heard from more than one person with children that said they had a "void" in their lives that they knew needed filled, and that's why they had children. If this is a common occurrence, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that it isn't that way with us. I enjoy being around my nieces and nephews, but it's different with them. I can pass my youngest niece off to my sister or BIL when a diaper needs changed. I can leave when I can't take the crying anymore:D You get the point Everyone says it changes when they are your own, but I suppose that's where I'm lost. Do you go into it with nervous apprehension and excitement not knowing what to expect, or do/did most of you really want to change your lives forever? I've heard from all of you on here that have children that it's extremely difficult but very rewarding, and that they (your kids) are the best things that happened to you outside of marrying your SO. So, what do you think your life would have been like if you hadn't made that decision? Was your life good before hand and it just got better? Or is it the same quality of life, just measured in a different way? For those of you with children, obviously your lives change, but I would guess you all would say for the better. As selfish as it is, why can't I picture this new life as being better than what I have now? I only see life being different. The quality of which is unknown to me. I suppose one additional question could be directed at those without children. Do you have any regrets? I know that a lot of this topic can and is personal, so feel free to skip right over it if you don't feel like disclosing this over the internet. I just thought I would see what everyone's take on the subject is...get a feel for where everyone was before they had their first. I'm sorry if this is coming off as selfish, as I don't intend it to be that way, I'm just being honest. Thoughts?
Ok ill try....we had our first kid at 24 almost 25, one thing I had wanted was to not be an old parent. My parents had me really late in life and not that it wasn't good, just different. Kid #2 at 28. Now my 5 year old is literally my best friend, he goes everywhere with me and I love it. On the other side, not that I would change anything, but there are some things I would have enjoyed doing, thus the thought of waiting until 30. Traveling more in my mid 20's would have been cool.
It's hard to image life without them, I had those same thoughts once, you may change your mine, or you may not. It's your life, be happy.
I had many of the same thoughts as you before my wife got pregnant. We live a pretty good life right now. Honestly, I'm not sure I would have been heartbroken if my wife never got pregnant. But now that it is happening, I don't think I've ever been so excited in my life. We were planning to go to Costa Rica this February, and then Ireland this summer. I was pumped. Now, obviously we have had to cancel those trips. But I can honestly say that I'm not really disappointed. Seriously. As soon as it really hit me that we were going to have a baby, my entire perspective changed.
This is about how I imagine it will go down for me. Not interested in them at this point, 23 years, but I imagine it is plausible 3-4 years down the road. Me and my wife have spoken about it however. I would really prefer to make it to Alaska prior to kids, though.
My daughter is now 22 and living on her own in Kansas City 200 miles away. So I have my house back after raising her and making the sacrifices you make for them for so many years. But you know at the time those sacrifices seem like privileges and I wouldn't have it any other way. There isn't anything you won't do for your kids, including doing without yourself. Yes they do change you life, and some of your short term plans may have to be put on hold. But when you do get to do something for yourself, it makes it all that much sweeter. PS: It helps to live close to their grandparents. They love to spoil them too and take them off your hands now and then.
I am probably going to write this post about 3 times and start over but here goes. This is just my personal reflections. I can tell you up front I will probably be the most negative poster that has kids because it has not been a bed of roses for us as our child rearing has not gone the smoothest . I was fine not having kids because I saw how much work they are and how much of a personal sacrifice they are. But I knew having kids would bring a joy to our life as well that would pay dividends for the rest of our lives. I knew it was going to be hard raising kids but I never knew how hard it really was and at times has made me quite miserable asking myself what did I get myself into. I think a lot of it is what type of kids you would have. I mean that from a personality standpoint. Some kids are colicky and some are not. Some whine a lot naturally and some don't. Some are very high energy and can't sit still. Some kids are real emotional and some are much more laid back. Our oldest has been a huge PITA since the day he was born. He has had problems controlling his emotions worse than most kids. I’m not going to go into huge details here because the specifics don’t really matter. But it’s been very hard. Our youngest has been a pleasure and raising him has been much easier so far. Sometimes that is the breaks you get. You may have a child with Down syndrome. You might have the next president of the United States. But no matter what you will love that child no matter what and that is a great feeling. I love our children but they have put a huge strain on our marriage the way things have gone. My wife and I never had fights until we had kids and now only fight about the kids or when one of us has been pushed too far by the oldest. That is one thing I don't like. We actually are farther apart now than before we had kids and it sucks. We will be fine because if we made it this far we can get through anything and it’s only going to get easier from here. There are/were times I did not want to come home from work because I knew what was waiting for me at home. Just absolute chaos. Those were some bad times and we still have our moments to this day however until we were able to get help. On the flip side, I love being with our children when things are going good and love watching our kids grow and learn. My oldest is shooting his small bow and we have a blast doing stuff like that. I love when he goes hunting with me and sits in the blind even if it hampers my chances of shooting something that day. It really feels like “HOME” since we had kids. Not just a house. Would I do it all over again even with our struggles? I think so. But there were times I really questioned who I am as a father and as a husband. It has definitely added turmoil to our life and I’m sure if you asked me at the right times I would of said NO I would not do it again if I went back.
I feel the exact same way as you do. My wife and I just aren't sure. Please know you are not selfish. Selfish is having the kids and then continuing to put your needs ahead of the kid. Right now u are smart. I think is tough to know what a child does and brings to your life until u actually have one.
My son was born when I was 21 and I wanted him before he was conceived. I had great fun raising him and would do it all over again. My daughter was born when I was 44 and her conception was a surprise (to me ). Once I knew she was on the way my excitement was very great! I do not think I missed anything, not-a-thing, having my son at a young age. But, knowing what I know now I think it is easier, at least for me, and better, at least for my children, to have them when I am older. What I am trying to say is that you have at least another 10 years decide if you want a child/children. The one issue is that when women, your wife, get to 40 (or close) there is more trouble conceiving, at least in my experience with some of my friends. I have never second guessed having kids and I have never thought about what I could/would have done if I didn't have them. I do think, if I had never had them, I would always wonder what it would have been like to raise my children. Raising my children has been and still is the absolute best experience in my life. Good luck with whatever you decide.
My wife is due on January 20th (sorry guys I left y'all out of the loop). Early in the pregnancy, it was scary knowing that your life will be changed forever. Now that it is getting closer and closer, its like waiting for Christmas morning, opening day of bow season...fill in the blank. I can not wait til the little guy gets here. I know it is what me and my wife wanted in our lives and we are blessed to have the opportunity to conceive. As far as feeling selfish for not wanting kids, it is a very personal choice and in no way should anyone feel that way. I would much rather see someone forego having children than regretting the decision the rest of their lives.
Having our son was the greatest gift I ever received in my life. He has made me and my life better in so many ways. I am better husband because now my wife and I share the most important thing in ours lives. I am better son to my parents, until my son was born I didn't fully understand the love they have me. Only now I understand the look in my mothers eyes that could come from love she has in her children. I am lucky to have my grandmother alive and well, every time I see her hold great grandson I can see a lifetime of love and investment in her children and her smile is a knowing one that I can now love my children the way she loves all of us. Lastly and most importantly I am better person because his life is more important then my own and loving someone more then yourself is truly the greatest gift you can receive. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Take it from a mid 40's guy with no kids............if you dont have them the day will come you regret it. I always figured someday I would end up with a couple kids. never really got into big hurry about settling down and having them. I just always figured it would happen. It never did. Its the one biggest regret I have in my life......... a huge empty feeling in it. I am really close to my sisters children and have always been part of their lives but its not the same. Today I look at my friends with their children, some grown up some not and feel a bit sad on what I am missing in my life.
There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids. I hate when people try to make couples feel bad if they don't want kids. Kids aren't for everyone. With that said, I wouldn't trade those little ****s for anything. Any honest person will tell you there are times when you miss that freedom, but the trade off is unmeasurable. They will light up your life everyday. Its not really something you can explain or understand until its happening. Pretty crazy to love something so unconditionally.
Matt - I know this will probably sound silly, but if you guys don't have one yet get a dog. When I say a dog, I mean a very young puppy. I felt exactly like you do now, and my wife had to convince me to get a puppy about 5 years ago. I didn't want the responsibility at that time, but I can say that was a huge part of what changed my perception of kids. Before the dogs I always thought we would have kids but just couldn't ever see myself being ready, always things to do or things to cross off the bucket list. Once we got our first pup.........I knew that I wanted kids as the pups were the biggest joy in our life and I knew a kiddo would only be better. I'm sure I'm in for a LOT of work over the next 18 1/2 years, but I gotta say I'm super excited. Nothing in my life makes me smile right now like thinking about baby Miller coming in June. I can say it's pushing me as well to be a better husband, when I have to pick between doing things like hunting/fishing, etc or spending time with Lisa, I really want to spend the time with her right now. It's definitely brought us closer over the last few months. I've obviously always loved my wife, but before she was pregnant, I absolutely was very independant at times gone for many weekends, etc doing other things I enjoyed in life. Lisa and I have never been as happy/excited about the same thing in life as we are right now. With any luck the kid won't be as bad as I was when I was a kid.
You're not being selfish, not at all. You're just being very realistic about how you want to live your life. I started a little younger than most people, but there was never any doubt that we were going to have childrn. We established the pattern for our marriage beforehand so we don't have anything to fight about. Our lifestyle is a little different than most. It would probably drive Hooker insane. The only traveling we do up to our cabin on the U.P. And the girls go with us everywhere except to school (me) and to work ( my husband). We take the girls with us when we go out to our favorite bar or to the VFW. Sometimes they will dance with daddy if there's music. Otherwise they play quietly or talk to us. Sometimes Miriam will read to Michelle. They're quiet and respectful when people come up and talk to us. We have been taking Miriam (age 5) hunting with us this fall. She's doing very well. We don't use a stand. We stalk so she sneaks right along with us, very quietly. So as you can see, they don't cramp us at all. But then, that's our lives. So depending on what kind of lifestyle you have, children might not affect it all that much. One question you should ask yourself is are you really reluctant to have children because you fear the change in your life, or do you just fear that you might not be up to the responsibility. We haven't found being parents to be all that difficult. May The Sheep Be With You
I can't really grisp the idea right now at 23, but four of my best friends will have children by summer. I do want kids in the future though ... I need to pass my first name and make a badass fishermen, hunter, and football player out of him. Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk 2
Unconditionally? No freaking way. These boys better get ready to rake leaves, cut grass and do dishes to pay us back for the hell they put us through. Child labor rules. ;-) Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
My wife and I just had our 1st 3 months ago. I am 22 and she is 23. I never wanted to be a dad but I couldnt take that from my wife. We decided youger would be best so that we could be the cool parents! Just kidding. It was the best accident I have ever had. She is my entire world. Yes my life has changed but for the better. I couldnt imagine not having her.
