My 19 year old step son just graduated today. He was suppose to graduate last year. Long story, but short version is he just didn't go to school. Anyways, today is the last day of school, and he finally did it. My question is, should he get a party? I say no, but his Mom says yes. We bought him a car when he turned 16, and that was his graduation gift. He had it a year, and ran it into the ground.
No I wouldn't have the party for him. He will get over it! As far as your wife wanting to do it, let he do it, but have nothing to do with it.
Party and gift are 2 different things. Small backyard BBQ maybe? Dinner out somewhere? That could be a nice compromise to let him know you're proud but the car was the gift.
Have at least some kind of party to celebrate the accomplishment. In my eyes a grad party isn't about materialistic items like money, a car, etc. It's about celebrating something you worked 10+ years on.
Graduating is one thing but did he get good grades or barely scrape by? I mean giving him a big party is like celebrating a year of not getting a speeding ticket...is it really celebration worthy? Maybe something small but unless he made a big improvement from previous years or did something major, I don't think a big party is a good idea.
I swear sometimes we adults judge kids more harshly than we do ourselves. Plenty of adults have screwed up and gotten dui's, cheated on their spouses, embezzled money from their boss, etc. And many times no punishment if any is given whether it be in the court system or peer pressure.....but we want to hammer kids who have a blip on the radar. BigDaddy, not taking anything away from your post or judging you, because God knows I can be a real sob and stubborn when it comes to things. Just another perspective brother. Just a thought.....
Would you have given him a party last year had he graduated on time? If so than bringing up the car appears like an attempt to justify not giving him a party this year. To me it would depend mostly on his attitude currently. Did his attitude change from last year to now.
Lack of punishment or judgement is not the same as rewarding bad behavior. People will get away with things, but as a parent his job is to teach and raise a responsible citizen. Just because one person does wrong and gets away with it doesn't mean another should get a free pass. The goal is to teach children/young adults to do right even when no one is looking. So much so that they (as the quote says) "live in such a way that if someone spoke badly of you, no one would believe it." I know you aren't against any of that and I see what you're saying. I guess part of me is referring to the other thread where I know there were other issues going on at home. Now with that being said, playing devils advocate, VS is onto something too, sometimes kindness is the best teacher.
Yes he would have gotten a party if he would have graduated with his class. Or if he would have even tried in school. In my eyes, it's one thing to try and fail, it's entirely different if there is no attempt to even go to school. He was gifted when he was younger, always taking classes they were a year or two ahead. When he got to high school, he just started not going. The school bent over backwards for him to make it easier, even letting him take classes at home so he didn't have to go to school. Still didn't do it.. There is way more to the story, including 1 DWI, and 3 other arrests.. All in 2 years.
Oh man, if my parents treated me the way I deserved, who knows where I would be today. Instead they extended me grace in those moments and taught me that everyone makes mistakes. I haven't experienced ever that taking the high road was a bad plan. Fact is he did graduate and I'm not sure its fair to tie all of his past mistakes to that. It says,"We are proud of you, but...." Just a thought.
Definitely...however I'll say my parents despite extending grace NEVER shied away from keeping me accountable for every action or thought I expressed while growing up.
Going from my parents P.O.V I doubt they'd throw a party for my brother or I if we didn't graduate on time due to our own negligence. It's one thing failing because you're struggling - it's another failing because you didn't try. Although having to go another year is (self-induced) punishment itself - I think it'd be a reminder of other things he missed out on (such as his grad party).
Give the kid a damn party. Kids are supposed to make alot of mistakes...if not when the hell are they supposed to? Nobodies perfect.
