Fletch's 2019-2020 Semi Sarcastic BS Thread

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Footballisms. . . .


"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble the football"....

– sHeisman, first football coach at Rice


"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game."

– Bear Bryant / Alabama


"It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!”
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat.
That costs money, and we don't have any."
– Erik Russell / Georgia Southern

"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
- Lou Holtz / Arkansas - Notre Dame

"When you win, nothing hurts."
- Joe Namath / Alabama

"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
- Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
- Woody Hayes / Ohio State

"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
- Bob Devaney / Nebraska

"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
- Wally Butts / Georgia

"I never graduated from Iowa. But I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's."
– Alex Karras / Iowa

"My advice to defensive players is to take the shortest route to the ball, and arrive in a bad humor.”
- Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar except for my grades."
- Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

" Always remember Goliath was a 40-point favorite over David."
- Shug Jordan / Auburn

"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me "
He said, "Well, Walt, we took a look at you, and you weren't any good."
- Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State/Dallas Cowboys

"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
- Bobby Bowden / Florida State

"Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport.
Dancing IS a contact sport." -
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post-game message to his team was;
"All those who need showers, take them."
- John McKay / USC

" If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.”
- Murray Warmath / Minnesota

"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb.
To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches."
- Darrell Royal / Texas

"We didn't tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking."
- John McKay / USC

"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
- Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

Ohio State's Urban Meyer on one of his players:
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear.
In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn't know the meaning of a lot of words.”

 

Why do Auburn fans wear orange?
So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs?
Drool.

How many Michigan State freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a sophomore course.

How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk?
The cow fell on him.

Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods.
One of them said, " Look, a dead bird."
The other looked up in the sky and said, "Where?"

What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise."

How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend?

There's tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.

University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week. The other half will have to dress themselves.

How is the Kansas football team like an opossum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

 

You owe me a keyboard

 

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Better hope she doesn't say I know let's go.

 

He's not kidding. That was the fix-all. Still have some. Works great for that nasty torn hang nail.

 

Tops is the only place you'll see so many men in one place, out here in the country, other than a bar with a buy one get one free deal. All wondering around with bunch of flowers in their hands looking at heart shape pastries...lol

 

Just remember the ER has limited parking...

 

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