Fletch's 2019-2020 Semi Sarcastic BS Thread

Guessing Halloween was on a Friday or Saturday and it was Dads "weekend" with the kid(s).....

 

We rounded up these bastards for robbery last night. One guy being all cocky smoking a cigarette on his back deck telling me I need a warrant. I have an officer shine a spotlight on his rear end and the victim yells that him! Guy doesnt realize when the spotlight turns off that I have a k9 staring right at him and yell...you are under arrest!!!

First time ive ever seen this reaction as I only have seen it in the movies....priceless



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Just add some of this... The reviews and comments are, um,...

Liquid Ass https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OCEWGW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_bzYKDb70C0FXB

 

I helped a buddy of mine slaughter and process 100 turkeys a few years back. Learned one valuable lesson: Whatever you do, DO NOT put the killing come within sight of the turkeys - they are a lot smarter and a lot stronger that chickens. Doesn’t take long for them to realize what’s going down and once they do they will fight to the end. They are powerful, mean birds who want revenge for chopping their buddy’s head off. They are powerful peckers and at least as far as heritage turkeys are concerned, they have talons and spurs and know how to use them which is not a good thing when you’re in a small enclosure with 3 men vs 95 turkeys. If they start hissing and drumming get ready - they’re about to go on the offensive.
The other lesson I learned is that if your buddy asks you to help him process a couple turkeys - the correct answer is no.

 

I have a random question for you. Anytime I drive into VA y’all have these signs saying y’all use airplanes to catch people speeding - is that really the case or are they just to scare people into slowing down? Seems like the plane would have to issue a whole lot of tickets to justify the cost of fuel, maintenance, and pilot. I don’t plan on heading to VA to go speeding or anything, just curious if that’s really a thing.

 

When I was a cop in a small town I was asked by the undercover guy to help with a buy. I rolled up the road timing my arrival just about perfect when I saw said dealer sprinting across the road with undercover guy in tow. I flipped my lights on and parked patrol car and took off...(a little bit of important info; I was 1 of 2 guys in the dept. that was physically fit, the other was chasing the dude). Back to the story..
So, the suspect and undercover guy have a good head start, I catch and pass undercover guy making ground on the suspect, dude goes to make a turn and slips just enough to put a hand down. He has time to look up just as I'm about to linebacker his ass; same "oh Sxxx" look. I hit that dude light a freight train, undercover guy thought there would be broken ribs at a minimum. Guy said "I didn't know white people could run that fast".Those were the fun days, other that, I hated being a cop, same bs w/the same people.

 

I used to raise a dozen a year to butcher. After hacking their heads holding them by the legs while they do the death flap is a work out, make your forearms burn and sore by the end of the process.

 

I got a lot of respect for law enforcement for that very reason. Kind of like collection agency employee where 99% of the time your “customer” is not happy to hear from you and they will almost certainly lie straight to your face, except for a cop there is the added bonus that they might try to shoot you, stab you, beat your ass, or make you chase after them. And if they do go that route and you return the favor you’re gonna end up on administrative leave, get investigated, and may end up getting trashed by the MSM and liberal outrage mob.

 

The most ridiculous signs ever. Ive been laughing at them for decades. Not sure who even thought to put them up. Haha

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Honestly the only reason I thought that there was even a remote possibility that it was true is because it’s VA. Any other state I would’ve called BS right from the get go, but I've lived in NC long enough to know that you Virginians don’t **** around when it comes to speeding. Around here they generally respect the “9 you’re fine, 10 you’re mine” rule. You guys seem to follow the “2 your mine, 10 your license is mine, 20 a year of your freedom is mine” rule

 

State troopers don't play around with speeding. Most local cops arent that serious unless you are like 10 over.

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