Dear New Year's Resolutioner, Please stop lying to yourself. Every year you make the same New Year's resolution, and every year you crowd gyms all over the country for 3-4 weeks, staring aimlessly at lift machines wondering how they work, sitting on benches playing with you new iPhone, or walking on the treadmill for 15 minutes at 1 mph while reading Cosmo and actually thinking that you accomplished something. Everyone knows that you will be gone in 3 weeks. So why sign up for the year membership? Just accept the fact that you are an over-weight ogre and will never be attractive again. Don't worry, your kids still love you. You husband/wife more than likely hates you, but your kids still love you. They think your fat is cuddly. So next time your and the gals decide y'all want to relive your sorostitute days by joining the local gym, please consider the healthy people that actually frequent that gym on a daily basis. Please do not ogle at us with your non-functioning 55 year old eyes. Please do not ask us "How do you stay in such good shape?" Just stay away from the gym. Instead, drive to the local McDonalds, and stuff your face with a BigMac. Please, for the love of God, stay out of my gym. Sincerely, Skinny people P.S. And to the fat girl on the treadmill next to me reading a Women's Health magazine, please do not try to talk to me while I am doing incline intervals. I can barely breathe as it is, I certainly do not want to waste any of my precious breaths answering questions such as "OMG, that looks so hard, is that hard?" and "You look like you are in shape, are you in shape?" So please fat girl, do not talk to me.
I had to laugh at this, perhaps a little harshly spoken (at least they're "attempting" it), but I understand what you're saying! As someone that frequents the gym at least 5 days a week and typically 2x a day at least a few of those 5 days.....I had to admit that I cannot stand the New Year's rush that comes through in January. It is a complete joke how crowded the gym and locker rooms are. I am counting down the days until the end of January, by then, we should be back to pre-New Year's numbers.
Classic post, Hooker. I got a good laugh out of it. Harsh, but true. At least it only last a few weeks. I remember my college days when you would have the New Year's Resolutioners for a few weeks, then a quiet couple weeks, before the Spring Breakers would show up 1-2 weeks before break and somehow think they would be in good shape before heading south. The gym makes a killing of these people though. They sign up for 12 month memberships (because why not, its a deal!) and show up for maybe a month. While I do get annoyed by the New Year's resolutioners because they get in the way, I would rather see someone walking at 1mph reading a magazine than sitting on a couch. Most people just don't know any better or they would have been at the gym a long time ago.
This is so funny, and true. I was JUST talking with a co-worker about how I hated the "resolutioner" crowd. Always in my way for 3 weeks in January. As a disclaimer, I do feel it neccessary to confess to not being a member of a gym for a few years now, but I still work out almost daily at home and my 15 years of being a "gym rat" gives me great perspective.
ALL anyone needs to know to lose weight is.....when to keep their ass OFF the one on the right....and their feet ON the one on the left. In the meantime, you can mix in a great upper body exercise, also. Use your arms to push your chair away from the table. Great post.
