Told my in-laws tonight after we ate Mc Donalds for supper at their request, your daughter will be home tomorrow we are all going to get scolded but united front it was seniors discount night.
They probably would. My MIL had shoulder replacement surgery a couple of months ago. As she was waking up from the surgery, still under powerful pain killers, she asked the nurse to let an air bubble into her IV line. My wife was standing right next to her. For those who don't know the medical implications, an air bubble in an IV line can cause serious problems like an embolism or stroke. MIL was a nurse for 35 years, she knew exactly what she was asking and flat out told my wife she was ready to die. It is not the first time my MIL has said something like that, my wife has medical power of attorney and quietly decided not to pursue treatment if something drastic happens. MIL is not suicidal, but she has had a hard life, is in her 70s, a widow, and has several unresolvable medical problems.. She is ready to be done.
God bless her , that's a tough surgery for a young person let alone an older ill one. One of the most painful. I remember my Grandma in her mid 90's laying in intensive care after her daughters forced open heart surgery to be done on her. She held my hand and cried. " All I want is to go home and die. Why won't they let me?" Tear streaming down my face I told her I loved her and soon. They took her to her daughter's home when she "recovered". That week my aunt Sat her up in a chair while she vaccumed around her. Grandma passed away as my aunt vacuumed.
My wife has landed back in Minnesota and while I am ready to take a nap and relax I really understand that she needs my support. I will take my mother in law grocery shopping too instead of waiting for my wife to come home from taking her.
@Sota you may be a crusty sob, but you sure are a good person; and even better husband, father and pop pop.
Nope it is called being a man standing up when needed, Crusty yes but old school you look after family as needed. You can have my time but don't beg for $.
After talking to my wife last night she is really effected by the grind of it, my mother in law is rapidly deteriorating, texts my wife at work 10 times a day. She is getting demanding too and it is sucking the joy out of my wife's life. She only has 2 more days of unpaid leave she can take and the principal HR and superintendent. are going to meet about my wife's statue. I say go ahead and fire her she does not need to work, she is only there because my grandkids will be going to that school.
I hate that for you man. It's definitely not easy and then you become bogged down with all these different feelings. You want to be a help but then you begin to feel resentful at times and then you feel guilty about that. That's all normal. You just have to decide what you can endure and go from there. Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk
Thinking outside the box here. Your wife is a teacher and she could home school the grand kids and maybe watch mom and dad on recess. Kidding.. but just a thought i had. Grand kids are a great inspiration for great grand parents. They create reasons to look forward to tomorrow.
My wife is administrative not a teacher but she can and does sub when needed. But my wife could not teach my grandsons, she is their grandma and she spoils them.
Other alternative she could go back to her old school district and make 3 times what she does at her current school district only draw back she would have a drive like mine, with that if she did that she would have a brand new suv cross over of her choice, get 3 weeks of vacation a year and complete 25 years of union pension, and still get summers off, pay part of home health care for her parents and still be $ ahead, but for her it is about the boys and their school and I get that. I think that they will accommodate her she does not work enough hours to qualify for FMLA, they would be foolish to let proficiency go. The school districts up here are so behind the times up here she is proficient in state mandate compliance for standardized testing and that is how the schools get funding.
My wife is home tonight, she needs to sleep, it has been another event of her dad in the hospital. Has been a long week of him back in the hospital and her mom can not be alone. My kids have filled in and helped, I do when I can but it is too much for all of us but my wife takes the brunt. Will never do this to my kids.
God bless you both. Now seriuosly none of my business, that said, please remind her it's more important grandma is around longer ,over around at school. I've witnessed this many times stress DOES NOT GIVE CLEAR WARNINGS, before it does terrible damage. SIL took main responsibility for inlaws and still has Dad....open heart surgery last year in her early 50's. She has 3 teen girls to boot. Moved both across the country away from all family members that could help. Take care.
We both got to sleep at home last night, my wife also said she slept thru the night. Mother in law is top of the list at the memory care facility in town and getting things set up with the VA for my father in law.
Well have now turned to **** my father in law was back in the ER now has a cathador and in diapers and my in-laws expect my wife to leave her job to care for them. I love my in-laws but I am not going to watch my wife get run ragged looking after them, they can no longer take care of themselves, they are delusional if they think my Father in law is going to recover to the point of being self sustaining. This is death by recliner they have made zero effort in 10 years to be physically active. They expect my wife to be there every day to see to their needs, sorry they may hate me but it simply is not sustainable.
I'm sorry you and your wife are having to endure this. It is definitely not easy. You both will run through all the emotions. In the end you will have to do what is best for everyone concerned, and it may not be an easy choice. I pray the best for you. Sent from my SM-N975U1 using Tapatalk
The longer it goes on the more it starts to anger me. No daughter should have to change her fathers diaper and have her father expect her to quit her job to be his nurse because at 88 he is going to have his health and strength improve while sitting in a recliner. They think my wife should also be there to cook for them or go pick up to go food for them. My mother in law with dementia is getting to be a real pain, nobody can do anything right for her. It is so obvious that those two people can no longer live on their own, I will not allow my wife to be sacrificed so they can continue with their delusion.
If I had to do it all over with my mom I would have hired a caregiver to basically live with her versus putting her in a nursing home.
