For whatever reason, unusual type fate brought info to my attention today. The info was an old friend of mine is in distress. I haven't spoke to him in about 9 years. Today I got word that he lost his teaching job he loved, lost his mixed martial arts gym he owned, lost his wife.........all because he began to drink and use narcotics to cover the pain of injuries he sustained over a decades worth of mixed martial arts fights, judo, golden gloves boxing, muay thai. You name it. He became addicted to pain pills. Before that he was one of the most healthy guys I ever met. Found out he spent almost a year in jail for unknown violations but more than likely narcotics violations. This guy was an elementary school PE teacher who truly loved the kids he worked with every day, and even though he was an extremely dangerous fighter, you would have never know it from the way he interacted with most people. Something is telling me to help him, seek him out and help him. Although I know I probably couldn't do much, I just feel like my heart is telling me to find him and help him. You guys ever get caught up in something like this?
I have never been in this situation but just trying to help might cheer this guy up. I am quite sure that he must be very depressed and he needs help he can get. Sounds like a real nice guy that was dealt some very unfortunate cards.
Been there with both family and friends. One thing I have learned is that there are those who really appreciate the help and those who dont and are not beyond using you once you help out . I have also learned that when it comes to "loaning " money not to loan more than you can afford not to get repayed.
I've been there and you should follow your heart but use your common sense. I never "loaned" money to the friend I helped, I gave it to him so I never expected to get it back. That way he had no worries about repaying it and I had no expectations of getting repaid. Peace for both of us. I didn't give him a lot of money but paid some of his bills, got him a vehicle and made sure he got professional help. And while he appreciated it greatly, he continued to sabotage his own success. He gets out of prison in June.
Try leading him to Christ. People make mistakes and never feel the same again. They can't forgive themselves but Jesus does. It's a gift that will stay with him even after your gone and your money is spent. As mentioned, when you give money make sure he knows your not expecting him to pay you back anytime soon but whenever he can. Sounds like your hearts in the right place.
Some times these people just need to know that you care, I don't know if the pills are any harder to quit than the bottle, it seems that people that are prone to addiction are prone to all kinds of it. Just remember he didn't get to the bottom in one step and he won't get out with one ,patients, discipline and kindness. Then when you find out where he's getting the pills you can take out your aggravation on a deserving individual.
Battling addiction is a very slippery slope. Addiction is more of a frame of mind than many realize. As was said before most that have one addiction will transfer from that addiction to another. Its about learning to live in a different way and relearning to deal with life without the crutch or addiction they have. I have friends that are alcoholics that quit drinking and automatically switched to working constantly. Of course working constantly is better than drinking all the time. But in the same sense its a destructive behavior aswell. That's how some addicts deal with an addiction is to switch to another. Its very important to stress the importance of breaking the behavior and concentrate on relearning life skills and dealing with life without the aid of the addiction. Its good advice to help with support emotionally and not so much monetarily. God bless and good luck to you and him if you choose to aid in his recovery.
I had a friend that was trying to get his Pro Card in Bodybuilding. He was sponsored by Muscle Tech and a few other small companies and had everything going for him until he started shoving Synthol into his Triceps and got Blacklisted. After that he hit the Nubain a lot and ended up addicted to everything under the sun. He died about 8 years ago from a Speedball and almost took his best friend with him. Sadly many of us tried to help but we couldn't get through, the last night of his life he tried to apologize to me at the gym for all the crap that caused us to stop talking but I shrugged it off and ignored him since I could tell he was wrecked. Sadly, I have known others and can't remember a single one where intervention helped. It seems the more they lose the harder they are to pull back in. I would honestly say your friend might be a lost cause but it never hurts to try. If anything he would need a serious intervention and a huge support system. Hope he gets it together Brett, sounds like he was a great dude.
I hear you Jason. I know I might not be able to do much other than tell him I care about him. Hell I looked at some pictures of him from 2005 or so, then some of him from 2010 and he looked like he aged 15 years over just a five year period. Goodness man I felt awful.
On a lighter side with this guy. I remember getting ready for a fight and he helped me train for it. We were in a back room with no audience just beating the hell out of each other when he hit me with two lefts in a split second. He re-cracked my nose and also broke my septum in half, partly splitting the skin underneath my nose in half as well. I couldn't touch my nose without pain nor breath without pain for a couple months. However, once everything healed up, my once closed up right side of my nose which was always obstructed from a prior nose break, suddenly was open to some degree. I hadn't been able to properly breath through the right side of my nose for 15 years prior to him "helping me". To this day I owe him for helping me to breathe!
This is excellent advice! I've been down this road with both family and friends. Unfortunately most people can't be helped until they hit rock bottom. It is tough to know if someone has hit rock bottom without being in their lives.
Based off my experience, I'd have to say make sure he is also ready to help himself. A person can run themselves ragged, emotionally and financially trying to help someone in these types of situations if the person is not ready to step up and truly help themselves. There can be a fine line between being the "helper" and being the "enabler". Other than that, follow your heart, or you will likely always look back and wonder if there is something that you could've done. Just my .02. Wish you both the best of luck!!
Excellent advise Ben, excellent!! If only I would've took this advise back In the day. I hate seeing friends suffer. I've been a sounding board for years and will continue to be one.
This is an excellent post! So very true. The person has to be 110% they are ready for change. If they have any reservations at all, no matter how much you help, they won't succeed.
