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An archery joke

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by Jim_IV, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. Jim_IV

    Jim_IV Die Hard Bowhunter

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    I thought it was amusing:d



    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our place sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.

    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swampland so there really wasn't any fire danger. Ill put it this way - a set of most hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

    Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I look over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought it would
    probably just spray out in a disappointing manner . . . lets face it . . . to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles) to add to the excitement.

    At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...1lb pyrodex and
    16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.

    I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH CRAP! He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh crap.

    When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 freaking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you
    there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple.
    Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE! There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.
    Notice I said "was". That mother got up and ran off.

    So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback ? ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!!
    His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are
    drooped down and are now touching the tires.

    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't
    know- I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get
     
  2. Hooker

    Hooker Grizzled Veteran

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  3. ZachCL

    ZachCL Weekend Warrior

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    LMAO good story Jim
     
  4. wolfpack

    wolfpack Weekend Warrior

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    Now that's funny right there, I don't care who you are:hail:
     
  5. MNKK

    MNKK Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Sounds like something my dad would have shown me...:confused:
     
  6. Greg / MO

    Greg / MO Grizzled Veteran

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    That there's good stuff! ;)
     
  7. FLboy77

    FLboy77 Weekend Warrior

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    HAHA!!! Thats Great!!
     
  8. Bols

    Bols Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Hilarious....where'd you find that Jim?
     
  9. Jim_IV

    Jim_IV Die Hard Bowhunter

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    My dad sent it to me in an email Bols
     
  10. wolfpack

    wolfpack Weekend Warrior

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    ....and all this time I thought it happened to you:confused: I didn't really catch the first few words of your post
     
  11. Dubbya

    Dubbya Moderator

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    lol, that is genius! If that doesn't make you laugh... you have problems! :d
     
  12. DoePeeSteve

    DoePeeSteve Weekend Warrior

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    Lord I apologize.:moose:
     
  13. sunset

    sunset Weekend Warrior

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