Advice from you other dads out there

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by BowCommander, Aug 29, 2018.

  1. BowCommander

    BowCommander Weekend Warrior

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    Do you care to elaborate on this please? Because if you're insinuating what I think you are, you just crossed a serious line....
     
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  2. BowCommander

    BowCommander Weekend Warrior

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    I read through every single one of your replies. While I cannot reply to each and every one of them, all except for one contributed with an honest response whether it be for or against my thinking in this situation, and for that I thank you all very sincerely and have taken every word you have stated with a lot of consideration.

    I sat him down and talked to him today and he re-assured me that he loves football and wishes to continue to play. He also told me he loves baseball, as well and doesn't want me to pull him from either. Perhaps his mind just isn't quite "in it" yet and while he likes the hobby he has not grasped the concept yet that this is a competition sport and he is competing against other kids.

    I'm going to not push so hard, but I am going to try to approach him to do things with me that gets him away from electronics.

    I appreciate all but that one response and I can tell from past stories and views on parenting that I was right - there are a lot of great dads in here...
     
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  3. Hatfield Hunter

    Hatfield Hunter Weekend Warrior

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    not insinuating anything, Just a true view of something that really took place, sorry to ruffle feathers, Pretty hard to say that is your case as I have never met your Son
     
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  4. picman

    picman Die Hard Bowhunter

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    I am going to restrict my comment to the football issue.

    Frankly-your boy should not be a starter. He has not earned that right. Perhaps you could start another player for a game or two and put your son in for a few plays here and there. I bet you get a good read on his "love" of football.

    Back in my high school days, coaches did this all the time with players who didn't put forth the effort required to be a starter.

    If your boy questions his playing time, you have your opening to explain that it takes effort to get anywhere in sports or life for that matter.

    Good luck!
     
  5. trial153

    trial153 Grizzled Veteran

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    The kids 6. Hoenstly I think most of this is your issue not his. I would focas on raising a well rounded and adjusted child that can and will in the future make his own determinations as to what he enjoys. The key word is he.
     
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  6. BowCommander

    BowCommander Weekend Warrior

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    I personally just can't see why any kid wouldn't enjoy playing sports. They get to interact with other children, it's healthy for them both physically and mentally and at this age it's not even about winning or losing; just learning fundamentals and having fun outside.

    I personally think part of the reason for the decline in work ethic amongst teenagers this days is partially a newfound love for technology and the fact parents let them make their own decisions their whole life rather than include them in things that will benefit them later in life. As I said earlier, if I was to let him make his own decisions all the time he wouldn't go to school either.

    Unfortunately there aren't enough kids on the team to pick and choose between starters.

    Anyway, we had another game this Saturday and he excelled at it. I've both watched him and talked to him and I found out what the big issue was and it was something simple and nothing against the sport itself.

    Once again I appreciate all the input.
     
  7. BowCommander

    BowCommander Weekend Warrior

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    Fair enough. Just didn't know how you meant it. Sorry that I assumed...
     
  8. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    If that isn't a red flag warning statement, then I've never seen an overbearing coach/father.

    Trust me, plenty of kids have absolutely zero interest in sports. There are lots of kids and adults alike, that could not give a crap about football, baseball, etc. Your passion for sports has blinded you to the fact that life has a lot more to offer than organized sports. It's fine that you love it, but never make the mistake in assuming that someone else should.

    My kids loved athletics. I would prefer that they loved the outdoors growing up. How many perfectly beautiful days of Fall do you (or anyone that loves football) spend sitting in an easy chair glued to the television on Saturday and Sunday while everyone else is out taking advantage of the Fall fishing bite, or hiking in the woods, or spending time with family, or ......you get the point. How many wives or girlfriends would rather those same guys spend time doing something together? How many kids would rather that their Dad take them fishing or squirrel hunting? Sports have their place. But, an obsession for following sports is a very selfish lifestyle.
     
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  9. Fix

    Fix Grizzled Veteran

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    Testify brother
     
  10. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    Amen. :lol:
     
  11. marv.schmitz87

    marv.schmitz87 Weekend Warrior

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    Yeah, I wasn't into sports at all as a kid. Discovered running during my service and still run to this day. I take my boys (3 and 5) to almost all my races. In short distances like 5 or 10k I even take them with me in a jogging stroller.
    That's all I can do tho. If they don't want to get into it later on I'm fine with it.
     
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2018
  12. Spear

    Spear Grizzled Veteran

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    The fact that so many people are saying "he's just 6" is appalling to me. In my opinion, allowing your kid to settle and be lazy when on an organized team isn't going to teach him to strive to be his best as well as being a good teammate. My kids don't have to be THE best, but they have to be THEIR best when playing on a team. Playing sports with your friends for fun is different than being on an organized team and playing competitively. If his football league is keeping score of the games, then he owes it to himself and his teammates. Maybe find out more from him, does he just like playing football for fun or does he enjoy the competition? If for fun then maybe an organized team isn't for him, if for competition then I say keep pushing him to do his best and keep improving. Either way, I don't agree that just because he's 6 that it's ok if he's lazy and watches iPad all day. My my what an odd world some people live in.
     
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  13. Sota

    Sota Legendary Woodsman

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    I coached second and third graders for 2 years after I was done coaching my son, took a few years off and went back to coach with my son. I had a completely different mindset. At that level you are teaching but you have to keep in mind the kids are PLAYING football, a game and it is supposed to be fun as well as teaching. I will never forget during a game turning around and you see half the kids playing in the dirt of the infield, and some chatting with mom and dad or grandparents and a few actually watching the game. Developmentally some kids who like to play but have not developed the competitiveness yet.
     
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  14. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    The simple point to be made is that he IS just six years old. At six years old, the attention span issue alone is enough to drive you crazy if you think he is going to be a focused athlete for an entire game, or series for that matter. Not to mention, most six year olds aren't asking to join an organized sport. They are being pushed into it. Watching parents push their kids into things that they as a parent THINK their kid should like or do, is appalling. Forcing a child of six years old to continue with something they have no desire for or risk being labeled a lazy quitter is appalling. Thinking that the athletic prowess of your six year old son is a reflection on your manliness, is appalling. Yet, it happens all the damn time. Glory days jocks, or worse yet, the guys that never even had a glory day, but think they can live some through their kids, are appalling. Kids don't have to be on an organized team to put down the electronics. The most overlooked point here is that some fathers think you should actually have organized and competitive teams for six year olds. That is insane. These are the same parents that keep track of the score at a pee-wee T-ball instructional game so they can loudly shout out after the game the "winning" score. The kids are more worried about getting an ice cream after the game than who won.

    My youngest son just took on a youth league team in the city where he is going to college. Kids love him and he will be a great coach. But he will most definitely have to deal with some parents that are raising the next best superstar the world has ever seen. That folks, is appalling.
     
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  15. jackflap

    jackflap Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Wow. Now what you say....that’s scary. We aren’t talking about not having discipline or letting them set their own parameters and boundaries. We are talking about over emphasis on results and expectations at that age rather than just trying to instill a love for the game or whatever the activity in question may be. Do you really think there is a kid anywhere that is 6 that can really play football or any sport at anything near what could be called a skill level, let alone while playing with 4 and 5 year olds? LMAO

    I remember a kid on my sons soccer team I was coaching at about the same age. He Wasn’t very assertive and was kind of timid. He Liked the interaction but had no confidence. Until one day during the game, the ball found him, as the saying goes. He took the ball and dribbled down to the goal (we didn’t have goalies at this age) and kicked it into the goal. But for the wrong team....We congratulated him just the same and gave him big ole high fives. Never told him it was for the wrong team. He responded to the encouragement and he started being more assertive after that and got better. And had fun.

    I can see now from your post however that I was wrong.

    I should have reprimanded him, made him run sprints, and set out the next game. After all, he WAS SIX. No telling how much better an athlete and just an overall better person he would have become if only I hadn’t allowed him to be a slacker at such a mature age.
     
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  16. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    LOL! I got a "dislike" from an adult. Cool.
     
  17. Spear

    Spear Grizzled Veteran

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    The reason for the dislike is because this is a ridiculous rabbit hole and you guys are dumping nonsense in this thread that are not even close to what I said. I never said to make him run sprints or anything like that. I disagree with some of that and you're pretty off on most of what I'm saying. It's completely different when kids are playing in an instructional league where no score is kept, that's fine. Around 6 years old is when organized teams start keeping score and playing competitively. I have a 6 year old and she's very attentive and competitive during her soccer games and she loves it. The first 3 seasons of soccer my daughter played there was no score keeping and it was all about development, and that's fine. This season is the first season they are keeping score and not getting a trophy at the end just because they played. And like I already said, my recommendation was to ask him if he likes football enough to play on an organized team or not, if not, that's fine. But if my kids are playing on an organized team where it's competitive and they keep score, they owe it to themselves and their teammates to try their best, keep improving, and be all in. Of course there are crazy parents out there yelling or bragging, but just because I am teaching my kids not to be lazy and to do their very best doesn't mean I'm yelling or bragging and it has nothing to do with living through my kids, it's called raising them not to be lazy and pushing them to do the best of their ability, plain and simple. I remember why I left this thread, so many weird individuals who think one dimensionally and put words in other people's mouths.

    EDIT:
    You should probably re-read what I said. You guys are doing the same thing as the people at work who respond to an Email in anger before actually absorbing what was said. I honestly think you either misunderstood or maybe some of you are just very very different from me. Either way...wow...running sprints and yelling the score...utter nonsense.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2018
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  18. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    Oh, you started her at 3. I see.

    We will agree to disagree on this one. Organized sports have gotten completely insane in my opinion. And, its just that, my opinion. But, I was deeply involved with athletics and kids for many years. I coached multiple sports and served on the Little League Board and worked multiple sports in various forms of officiating. The burn out rate for kids in sports is at an all time high. I think we all know the obvious reason for that. More and more games and starting as soon as they can walk for some folks. And, parents that get completely obsessed with competition. I've seen it ruin a lot of relationships. I know a state champ wrestler that wont even be in the same room with his father that was also a coach. Sad.

    I raised a multiple time national champion in cycling. I am more proud of the well rounded young man and husband that he has become than any trophy or ring he won.

    If your daughter loves it, good for her! I wish her all the success in the world.
     
  19. Spear

    Spear Grizzled Veteran

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    No, we didn't start her when she was 3, she started when she was about 5.5. There's fall and spring soccer so that's what I meant by season - she's in her 4th season (she will be 7 in December). I can see how that would sound crazy (at it would), but again, injecting assumption without understanding. But nonetheless I'm not sure what there's to disagree on. You're acting as if I am pushing my daughter to act like Pele, yelling out at games, blowing the whistle and making her do drills at home...or whatever else you're implying. I'm doing none of that. I'm simply saying that I am shocked that not all parents are teaching their kids not to be lazy, but rather to do their best, continue to improve, and have a healthy sense of competition. This age is when kids develop the most, who wouldn't want that? When I was 6 it's exactly what I wanted, to get better and win. And I was encouraged by my parents, completely healthy. If she tells me she doesn't want to play anymore, I'm perfectly fine with that, once that season is done she can stop playing. I would never let sports or competition get in the way of my relationship with my kids, they're the most important thing to me.

    EDIT:
    And by "we started her", she asked to play.
     
    Last edited: Sep 13, 2018
  20. jackflap

    jackflap Die Hard Bowhunter

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    “The fact that so may of you are saying he is just 6 is appalling to me...my my the world some people live in....weird individuals who think one dimensional....”

    Nothing antagonist about those statements,lol

    We probably aren’t that far off on our perspective other than the age. Take your post and substitute age 10 for 6 and take out the condescending statements listed above, and we can pretty much agree. Heck, I might even agree if we are talking 8. But 4,5, and 6 year olds....wow.

    but to suggest a kid at 6 playing with kids that age and younger is lazy due to ones perspective on how much they perceive they are hustling and trying on the field is putting too much emphasis on the adult’s expectations. A lazy 6 year old that needs some parental direction is one who won’t clean his room or carry out the trash or do his homework, etc etc.

    And why any organized sport league would call itself competitive and keep score at that age is proof of the over emphasis parents and adults put on their kids at that age to “perform” rather than just being kids. . Trying to justify, rationalize or defend any sport being played by 5 and 6 year olds as “competitive” is what is appalling to me. But that’s just the opinion of a one dimensional weirdo living in my own little world....lol.
     
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