Advice from you other dads out there

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by BowCommander, Aug 29, 2018.

  1. virginiashadow

    virginiashadow Legendary Woodsman

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    Modern day parenting is rough. So much be floating around and taking kids focus away from what real life is all about. Thank goodness I spent most of my teenage years in the 80s and early 90s.

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  2. virginiashadow

    virginiashadow Legendary Woodsman

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    What the hell man

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  3. Swamp Stalker

    Swamp Stalker Grizzled Veteran

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    Your right, he didn't say anything was wrong with it.

    I'm just curious as to how HH came to this conclusion? That because a child lack of competitiveness or drive in sports at the age of 6, it is because he is gay?

    I guess I'm not understanding the logic and attempted correlation HH is proposing.

    EDIT: I guess I must have missed this phenomononal psychological theory in all of my psych classes, and all my research I have done thus far.
     
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  4. Germ

    Germ Legendary Woodsman

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    Swamp there is no logic, lol
     
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  5. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    Maybe he means the kid "came out" for football as a Freshman. Well,..........maybe. :dan:
     
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  6. Sota

    Sota Legendary Woodsman

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    Lets hit the pause button on the sensitive over reaction and simmer on the dislikes Hatfield merely pointed out a situation a person he knew had. He was not suggesting the the OP's son was gay he just pointing out the circumstances of another person.
     
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  7. Swamp Stalker

    Swamp Stalker Grizzled Veteran

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    LOL
     
  8. cantexian

    cantexian Grizzled Veteran

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    @BowCommander

    It sounds like you are in a tough spot. Before I offer my advice, let me provide some context. I am a father of three boys, ages 7, 6, and 1. In addition to this, I have a Masters Degree in Physical Education, have coached youth sports for nine seasons (I coached a little before I had kids and started coaching them) and I have 11 years experience in personal training/strength & conditioning. I want offer some advice from both perspectives.

    As a dad, I completely understand your frustration with your son being lazy. To this I would say that as his father, it is your responsibility to teach him a solid work ethic. Good on you for wanting to do this. However, this should begin at home, not on the sports field. I would address this by giving him chores and withholding screen time until the chores are complete. My 7- and 6 year-old boys do the following chores daily; make their beds, clean the bathrooms with disinfectant wipes, feed the dog, clean their room, pick up their dirty clothes, and fold their laundry as needed. They and I have the understanding that these are their "job." They work, and they also get rewarded. At the end of the week, I pay them each $5 for doing these things every day. They do them; money earned. No work, no money. Teach that hard work leads to reward, do it outside of sports. They are also under the stipulation that they cannot watch TV or play on the ipad until the work is done. I would suggest starting a similar system at home. Give it a month and see if things improve. It is a little early to being calling your son lazy when he hasn't been taught to work.

    As a coach/trainer, I hate to state the obvious; but right now, football is not your kid's sport. Let him try something else. Swallow your ego, forget about the money you have spent and try something different. Your kid needs you in his corner as his father before he needs you being his coach. Don't become the overbearing parent that pushes their kid too hard. Bail out on football now and try something else before he bails on sports completely. You can always come back to football later if he is interested. Bad parents ruin youth sports long before a kid's poor play ever does. Don't fall into the trap of living vicariously through your kid's sports.

    Also, in my professional opinion, it is incredibly dangerous to put prepubescent kids into intentional contact sports before puberty. Their young bodies just have not developed the resilience to withstand repetitive hard physical contact. Both my boys have asked to play football, they are waiting until they hit at least age 10. Once puberty hits, their bones especially, will begin developing the density to withstand hard contact. For safety's sake contact sports should wait until that age. I am assuming this is contact football since you mentioned blocking and playing on the line.

    I hope this helps.
     
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  9. virginiashadow

    virginiashadow Legendary Woodsman

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    First off Bow, you and your kids are just like many of ours. Your struggles are ours. I put my son in football for one year bc that is all I ever knew. He was tiny and kept getting pounded. By the end of the season he was delivering nice hits but didnt like the sport. He now plays soccer and basketball. And now in 8th grade he may not play any sports. He is interested in computers and gaming stuff while my two daughters are pretty darn good athletes. He is smart and makes good grades....he loves his family. What more can I ask for as a Dad? Not much.

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  10. Happy

    Happy Weekend Warrior

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    I would also suggest golf. My son has been hitting balls since he was 1. He tried all other sports but was not aggressive enough for anything. Golf is a sport that your really competing against yourself to do as good as you can. There is never going to be anyone to blame but yourself for bad shots. You also meet all kinds of people who are generally descent and really it is something that you can do your entire life and it can take you many great places. It’s a very humbling sport but when that perfect shot is hit oh boy is it satisfying.
    Plus very little chances for injuries like other contact sports.


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  11. jackflap

    jackflap Die Hard Bowhunter

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    No offense, but he is 6 years old for crying out loud. I re-read your posts several times cause i thought 6 was surely a typo when you started talking about on the field responsibilities and assignments. Again, he is six.

    Let him be a kid. I am not in the “everybody gets a ribbon” mentality, except for when they are early grade school. Teach them the basic rules, objectives, and a few fundamentals of the game and then praise, brag, encourage them regardless of how well or poorly they do.

    You asked so as the father of a 25 yo, it is my recommendation to back off a little. Reading your post, I fear he is gonna ultimately resent you, never feel like he can perform to your expectations, and will decide it’s easier and safer to withdraw than to participate and try.

    My son played soccer, football and baseball. For our size community, I always thought he was average, at best, in athletic ability, but I never told him that. I didn’t blow smoke up his dexterior either and pretended like he was a superstar, I just continued to support him and encourage him to work hard and do his best.

    He surprised me and turned out to be a pretty good High School athlete. Good for him, but here is the reality check and a reminder to keep things in perspective. One year out of High School, nobody remembered or cared,lol. As it should be.

    A quotable quote from Cal Farley, a philanthropist who started a school for troubled youth in the 30’s and is still going strong today, “Give a kid love, and the rest will take care of itself.”

    And to all the Dads with kids still being raised, enjoy them everyday, because at the blink of an eye, they are grown. But while it s definitely a different stage in life, the good news is that I enjoy my son as a young adult just as much as the other phases as well.

    Good luck. Yes you want to try instill a work ethic and responsibilities into them but love them for who they are....they might just surprise you someday.
     
  12. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    I started out being that pushy Dad and quickly saw my kids pulling away. I was lucky that I somehow figured it out early enough to change course. This weekend, my youngest and his lady are coming to spend the holiday with us. They just want to come hang out around the pool, play bags, and have a couple of beers with us. My oldest wants to come down and go fishing with me. As a parent of adult sons, I can't begin to express the huge amount of joy that puts in my heart. The fact that my adult sons actually want to spend time with us rather than go hang out doing something else is and will likely always be my greatest achievement on this earth.
     
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  13. Sota

    Sota Legendary Woodsman

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    Nothing makes me happier than having the kids home for dinner.
     
  14. Captn Kirk

    Captn Kirk Weekend Warrior

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    I have had some experience as a coaching father and a grandfather that watched a grandson in the same situation you are in. Do not allow him to quit. Part of youth sports is learning to finish what you start and how to be part of a team. Limit the tech time in general Not as a punishment connected to football. Give him some small extended tech time for every good play or good game or day at practice. If possible as decided by a different coach. He must learn that hard work will equal a reward of his liking . I agree with the post that said if he likes swimming get him headed to swimming. It is great to help coach but it is an extra strain on your father son relationship. For some kids you being the biggest fan is all that is needed.
     
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  15. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    Along these lines, for those of you that are busy raising your own children and chasing your dreams at work, etc., please, please, please,...take a moment to call your mother or father or both if possible. Call for no other reason than to say hello and check in with them. Call them when you don't need a darn thing. Call them on occasion just to let them know that you think of them. There is no greater gift that you can give than your time. Some day, you will understand just how much those calls mean to them. Do it! Now! Or, go to your room without dinner! :evilgrin:
     
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  16. Mpeck2892

    Mpeck2892 Weekend Warrior

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    I have 2 kids, 5yr old girl and 3yr old boy. They both watch iPads a lot, either YouTube or Netflix or amazon prime, I keep track of what they watch and don’t mind it as I think they learn a lot from them. My daughter can tell me everything I ever needed to know about dinosaurs. Although they watch them a lot, they are also very active and play outside most of the day, iPads are mostly morning and night type things. I would like if my kids hunt or play sports, but if they don’t like it I’m not going to make them. When I grew up most sports programs started probably around age 10 through the schools. I can’t imagine even trying to teach my 3yr old football and expecting him to play in a actual game. If your 6yr old wants to be on the team with friends and have fun, that’s great, but I sure wouldn’t expect much football wise out of him at that age, if he sticks with it when he’s older he will decide if it’s just fun and something to do, or if he’s going to do his best and compete. I’d let him be for a few years, and maybe try pushing him when he’s older and understands things better.
     
  17. Mpeck2892

    Mpeck2892 Weekend Warrior

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    I also believe kids are being pushed to early into things, and if they don’t like it they are never going to do it again. My 3yr old hated the pool and would cry anytime we went near the pool, everyone said throw him in, he’ll be fine and eventually get used to it, let him cry. but I could tell he was terrified, so I never pushed him. I don’t know how but slowly he got more curious about it and decided to go in, now he swims like fish and loves it. If I would of made him go in would he still like it, I don’t know, but letting him decide when he was ready worked.
     
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  18. Germ

    Germ Legendary Woodsman

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    Bowcommander let us know how it turned out.
     
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  19. Kfili

    Kfili Die Hard Bowhunter

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    Some good responses on here especially from Cantextian. I've been coaching youth sports for 10 seasons, football and wrestling. A lot of youth dont get the "bite" for sports until they start to taste success in it or see that they can actually become pretty good. Also remember 6 is still super young, and even if he didn't play again till 12 he wouldnt be so far behind other kids fundamentally that he couldnt join back up. I dont think there is any benefit in him playing a sport he is not interested in- let him pick. I see a lot of students who parents say they have to be involved in an after school activity-doesnt matter which one and I agree with this approach. If he wants to swim let him join a swim team if he wants to do some other activity great, let him get involved in different things and allow him to find his own "passion" (that sounds weird to say since your son is only 6, but you get the idea).
    As far as general laziness is concerned make sure you and other positive role models are coming alongside him and helping to show him the value of hard work and seeing things through to the end. I was lazy as hell until a guy took me under his wing as a mentor in my late teens. He gave me jobs and let me help him remodel his house. Maybe try creating some small projects that he would be interested in that requires hard work but has a big payoff in the end.

    Above all else just remember spend time with him not only doing things with the goal of teaching him something just hangout with him doing things he enjoys. Remember kids learn from what we do more than what we say.
     
  20. AshAid

    AshAid Weekend Warrior

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    Let me 1st say great post here.....

    To dive right in, and before saying this let me say I always had a love for sports, played Football & Baseball mostly every season from pee wee till finishing High School.

    My 15yr old Daughter plays Softball and my 13yr Son plays Baseball and that's it. With that being said, Let me say that sports has become way more then it should be in our society....honestly speaking I've heard more parents say that their son or Daughter will get a college ride because of their abilities....when we all know that a very small % even will...and if a child doesn't play a sport then they are frowned upon....every season we have the same parents ask us if and when our Son is going to play football..and ever season it's the same answer, he doesn't want to and actually doesn't even like football much......this past season I actually responded with "why every season do you ask this as if he was going to change his mind?"....

    To be completely honest with you, I literally just said this to my Wife the other night during pillow talk, if our children came to us today and said we don't want to play anymore, I'd be more happy they aren't playing then if they do play...cause pretty much youth sports has become more about the parent then the child imho...seriously I see it every season in baseball, the Dad who coaches only cause if he didn't the Son wouldn't play...and forget if the team loses 10-0 as long as the kid got a hit or 2 and some how if the child doesn't perform its a reflection on the parent....and please Mothers can be just as worse...why isn't my son playing more, why isn't he up in the line up etc.......

    when we realize sports is not a reflection on who our children are as a person then the better we will be imho...weather or not they play football or baseball or any other sport...when all is said and done we won't be saying..."wow they were so good at sports"

    sports should be for fun, not a identity of who they or their parents are.
     

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