Advice from you other dads out there

Discussion in 'The Water Cooler' started by BowCommander, Aug 29, 2018.

  1. BowCommander

    BowCommander Weekend Warrior

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    From what I've seen, this forum seems to be full of a pretty good group of guys. I know a lot of you are family men, so I'm wanting to get advice from some of you guys that may have been through this situation or may have an input on it.

    I guess I'm "old fashioned" when it comes to parenting. I believe in disciplining a kid and I believe teaching manners, respect and teaching them things that will be helpful in life.

    With that being said, I have a 6 year old that is in his third year of smurf football. He's 51 inches tall and weighs 88 lbs and he's solid. He's not an "overweight" kid but he's really stout in his shoulders and arms and is strong when he wants to be.

    Anyway I signed him up for football and this being his third year and one of the older kids on the team, his duties has increased. He's a starting offensive lineman, but he's probably the worst player on the team due to the fact he doesn't try at all. He says he likes it, but he doesn't really try at all.

    I get onto him for letting defenders run past him, but he just tells me he will do better next time and nothing changes. I am one of the coaches on the team and I've invested A LOT of money over the last three years. I've helped him every way I know how...

    He's a bit lazy overall. If he had it his way he'd eat chips and pizza and play video games and on his iPad all day long. He doesn't like being outside unless it involves swimming. I try to get him involved in sports, hunting, fishing, but to no avail. Actually, if I'm being honest, he's probably the laziest kid I've ever seen. It's actually getting worse as he gets older.

    The way I see it is: if I don't get him involved and let him just quit because it's "hard" I am teaching him to take the easy way in life. The way the rest of my family see it is - I am forcing him to do something that makes ME happy rather than actually letting him make his own decision. My response is "well if he's going to make his own decision, ask him in the morning if he wants to go to school and if he doesn't let him stay home".

    I don't want to be wrong here, but I believe in my son and I want him to be involved. When I was a kid, my dad hated sports and I didn't discover a love or passion for them until it was too late for me to play. My dad told me tonight I shouldn't make him do something he doesn't want to do and a sign of lack of improvement shows he has no interest in learning. My way of seeing it is - he's lazy and needs to be taught to get outside and be active and not spend his life playing video games and internet because it "makes him happy".

    Sorry for the long rant. I'm just torn in two directions here and wanting some friendly advice. I have three children and my son that plays is my oldest. His younger brother isn't old enough and neither is his sister.

    Thanks for any responses.
     
  2. Wiscohunter

    Wiscohunter Die Hard Bowhunter

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    At what age did you let him start using the internet? And what does he do on it?
     
  3. BowCommander

    BowCommander Weekend Warrior

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    He just watches cartoon videos on YouTube and play games. Mostly watches kids play with other toys on toy review videos. I guess he's done it since he was about 3.
     
  4. Sota

    Sota Legendary Woodsman

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    Damn glad I am not raising kids in this era. My son played video games and had the x-box but he always loved playing the game as much as I enjoyed coaching it. I never pushed him I will never forget the last time he walked off the field when he knew he was done he could have played college small school ball but he knew he was better served getting his degree he cried and hugged me when he knew it was over and I did too. I don't know how to motivate your son I wish you good luck.
     
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  5. Justin

    Justin Administrator

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    Honestly I don't know what the right answer is. Or if there really is a right answer. I doubt anyone does.

    First things first, limiting "screen time" on devices is very important. My kids get 2 hours a day and that's it. My wife is very adamant about it and won't let them have their tablets any more than that. Not that this one change will affect whether or not he wants to play football, but I felt it was worth mentioning. The longer you let that problem go on the harder it's going to be to correct.

    I believe if it was my child in this situation I'd be okay with him quitting football so long as it was being replaced by something else. Some sort of team sport or other physical activity. Whether it's something like karate, soccer, archery, etc. Anything to get him moving. Now if he can't decide what he wants to do, which let's face it most 6 year olds can't, then I would continue with football and hope he grows into it. IMO a 6 year old certainly shouldn't be the one dictating what they do with their life.

    I'm fortunate that my 6 year old loves playing baseball, shooting his bow, riding his bike, jumping in our trampoline and chasing me around with Nerf guns every night. Oddly enough I never taught or pushed him to do those things, he's just always been an active kid. However I do see kids on his baseball team who are not at all interested in what's going on, don't try, don't work and don't care. The parents encourage them, maybe even threaten them at times, to no avail. No matter what they do the kid just isn't interested.
     
  6. BowCommander

    BowCommander Weekend Warrior

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    Yeah, I'm one of those parents in my area. I've tried taking him hunting, but he's too soft hearted and doesn't like the thought of killing animals. He's extremely humble (which probably has a lot do with why he doesn't excel at football hence the contact) and he has anxiety so he doesn't like the idea of shooting guns either. When he was about a year old, my wife's dad bought him a .45 lever action Ole Henry and I was going to take him to shoot it last year but the sight of a gun really shook him up...

    The outdoors aspect I kind have been more patient with, because he has a ton of energy and I know he'd never be quiet anyway. Heck, I didn't even really show a strong desire to hunt until I was about 12 years old myself.

    I think I'm just going to not push him as hard and let him be. I'll make him do his warm ups and hustle when expected to but if he doesn't excel in the contact aspect maybe he will eventually want to be the punter or field goal kicker or something with a little less contact. He's a got a big, bulky frame so I doubt he will ever want to be a corner or anything. My youngest son on the other hand is 3 and absolutely loves football.

    Thanks for the input guys. I just waited all those years and being a sports fanatic and a certified personal trainer I was looking forward to the opportunity to really give my son opportunities I didn't have as a kid. I guess I really didn't take much consideration into the thought of him just not being into the things that I'm into. I guess the right thing to do here is leave the window for football open, but try not to push anything on him or force him into anything. Let him develop his own love for the sport, then enjoy these years.

    I appreciate the responses guys.
     
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  7. dnoodles

    dnoodles Grizzled Veteran

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    I don't have kids but if I did I wouldn't let them "have" anything that connects to the internet until at least high school. PC in a common area; no problem...even video games for a bit on the family TV...but nothing privately held, including no TVs in their bedroom. I see my buddies' kids and they're all a bunch of digijunkies. Literally can't go 30 minutes without burying their faces in handheld screens.

    But since that horse is out of the barn, maybe give him the choice to either practice/play sports; otherwise he's gotta do chores or something for a set time and then reward him with the iPad?

    I feel for you, man. My nephew (now a freshman in HS) was kind of the same at that age. Kid could hit and throw a baseball at 3 years old better than most 6 year olds. Played T-ball for a couple years and was actually usually the most skillled player on the field but just didn't have the attention span. He could hit real pitches during BP at 6. One day he just gave up in middle of a game- just let an easy ground ball roll past him and walked into the dugout- said he didn't want to do it anymore. Doubt he's picked up a ball since.

    He's a good kid but...one time he asked me why there had to be winners and losers. He said him winning makes him feel bad for the other kids. How the heck do you get around that? Kid just doesn't have any competitive instinct at all.

    Maybe your boy is similar in that regard? If so only thing I could think of is get him involved in a solo activity where he's competing with himself to get better...archery is a good example of that. Golf too.
     
  8. w33kender

    w33kender Weekend Warrior

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    A son who plays football was a dream I abandoned quickly as soon as I realized my son wasn't interested. It's about his interests, not mine. I forced him into hunting, he hated it, I let it go, and he came back to it on his own. Sometimes reverse psychology is the ticket. I hated freshman football and quit. I came back to it on my own my sophomore year and even played small college ball after serving in the marines. If hunting and football aren't an intrinsic thing, you might be creating resentment in a kid. I made a lot of mistakes raising my kids but this boy who never played football is an engineering major at Clemson and will out-earn his old man one day. His mother called him a couch potato; soon a lot of folks will be calling him "sir" and "boss."
     
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  9. Okiebob

    Okiebob Weekend Warrior

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    We dont have have own kids but over the last ten years we have been emergency foster parents to 12 kids. The last pair are sisters 4 and 9 years old. I couldn't stand the amount of time the 9 year old would spend glued to technology. I am firm believer in routine and chores. I began to limit time she spent staring at a screen and increased her amount of involvement in after school activities and sports. She is not a team player or just didn't have an interest. So I bought bicycles and she didn't have an interest until I started riding with her nightly. She is 11 now and is a full fledged bmx racer, she has even won a few races. We had a 7 year old boy five years ago and I think I went through every sport offered with that kid and none of them stuck until we put him in gymnastics, he would throw a fit when he would have to leave the gym. I dont know if any of this helps but I have found that you have to keep on plugging away until they find something that resonates with them. We have had one 10 year old that came out of an exetremely tough situation and hardly spoke a word. We spent months trying to crack the code. Took him to the State Fair and he lit up when he saw kids showing pigs. We had a show pig within a week and he never shut up about it. Just keep plugging away, you'll find something he enjoys and gets him motivated.
     
  10. Hatfield Hunter

    Hatfield Hunter Weekend Warrior

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    My sons best friend in grade school acted exactly as you described, he came out as a freshman !
     
  11. slickbilly-d

    slickbilly-d Weekend Warrior

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    I don’t have any kids but I was sort of like that. I didn’t play until middle school, but I didn’t have the ability to turn the aggressiveness on until I was about 18. I raced motocross growing up and didn’t win any races and didn’t care. I was just kind of there because my dad was racing every weekend. I quit riding in 02’ and in 07’ got back on the bike. At 19 years old, I was a totally different animal and had the tenacity and drive to ride aggressively at a decent pace.

    I think some kids are just like that, that doesn’t mean at 12 or 13 he’s not gonna change and may be out there knocking other kids’ heads off.
     
  12. Swamp Stalker

    Swamp Stalker Grizzled Veteran

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    WTF is wrong with you?
     
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  13. buckeye

    buckeye Grizzled Veteran

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    Another thing to consider, as I see it with my oldest and his friends who have all been playing together since kindergarten... Different kids develop at different stages. Some bite as young pups, others take a few years to get that dog in them and some never do get that fight in them.

    Six is a bit young to know if your boy will have that bite in him. My oldest is 9 and I just noticed one of his friends making some nice plays at practice on Tuesday, never noticed that from before and have known him for four years.

    My oldest wants to play all of these sports (soccer, basketball, flag football) but lacks hustle most of the time as well, so I very much understand your frustration.
     
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  14. Fix

    Fix Die Hard Bowhunter

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    I have a now junior in HS and she is being recruited for VB....i bring this up because she always ...always worked harder and listened more for OTHER coaches as opposed to me. Have another coach try to help
     
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  15. Germ

    Germ Legendary Woodsman

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    I think you answered your own questions as I read your post "He Loves to swim"

    Is there a swimming club near you?

    My daughter was a hell of a basketball player, but she wanted to do Robotics when she got to HS, sure it broke my heart I had coached her for 6 years, but it's not my journey it's hers. She still plays soccer, but she made her choice.

    As for games it's all about limits, my son and I play games. He also plays basketball, soccer, scouts and we ride our dirt bikes. My Playstation only works 1 hour day, netflix will be shut off at the start of school year.

    Sometimes we need to take a step back as parents.
     
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  16. Germ

    Germ Legendary Woodsman

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    This is my son, lol
     
  17. fletch920

    fletch920 Grizzled Veteran

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    He is six. Its not about how much time or money YOU have invested into this. Its about your son and what he likes. Listen to your family or risk having a son that will never care to spend time with a father that pushes. My two sons are now adults, but I spent 12 or more years coaching baseball and being involved with football, basketball, cycling and soccer. I have seen way too many over-zealous fathers get into coaching for all the wrong reasons and others push their kids into a complete shutdown. No offense, but you describe yourself as someone that is well on their way to being that guy. The fact that someone would want to get kids involved in organized athletics at three years old is usually the first clue. I'm sorry, others will disagree, but that is just too young unless the kid is begging to do it and keeps the fire. But, that is a one in a million.
     
  18. Spear

    Spear Grizzled Veteran

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    It's been a while since I posted but I still check in on you nut jobs. My wife and I are having "fun" dealing with my soon to be 4 year old son's attitude problem, not for being lazy, but for acting out and yelling at his mom when I am at work. We've implemented some pretty new parenting tactics that we never even had to consider with our angel child daughter who is almost 7 and listens to everything we ask.

    I recommend implementing an "earn the Internet and video games" program. Go out and do a few drills with him and toss the football, shoot hoops, teach him something in the garage. 1 hour = 30 minutes of games or Internet for the night. If he doesn't have chores, now is the time to start giving him some, adding in a small allowance is even better. Say if you give him $5 a week, make him save $3 and $2 can be spending money for the week for whatever he wants. I learned not to be lazy when I was given more responsibility. When I was a kid I got $5 a week and had to save $3 and got $2 for spending. When I graduated high school I got all the money I was told to save and I was the only college kid with money in the bank (I also had a job in high school so I had $6k, but $1200 of it was from that allowance). That also means from a parenting perspective you can't give warnings and don't barter or make deals. Punishments with increasing loss of privilege are also a great motivator, so say he continues to be lazy take away the iPad for 2 days, if it still continues take away the video games for 3 days, still continues then he has to go to bed 30 minutes early for the week.

    EDIT:
    I forgot to mention that from what I read, it doesn't sound like football is the only area of concern, so I wouldn't worry too much about whether he likes football or not. I would, however, make sure he knows that he can tell you anything without fear or ridicule or punishment. If that were the case my kids would have to finish the season and then try another sport or activity. Encourage him to be the best version of himself.
     
    Last edited: Aug 30, 2018
  19. dnoodles

    dnoodles Grizzled Veteran

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    to be fair; HH did not allude there was something wrong with that....

    but plenty of boys out there don't like sports and aren't competitive and aren't gay. Thank god- if all males were uber-competitive we would all be homicidal maniacs. And if all the competitive boys were killing each other and all the more mild boys were gay then we'd not be able to sustain population.

    Pretty sure my nephew's not gay; and if he were I wouldn't care. That kid is the nicest, most generous kid I ever met even if he is personally lazy. Laziness is only a personality flaw if said laziness causes others to work harder to pick up the slack. If he's the only one being "held back" by our own standards; but he's happy and self-sustaining and doesn't put anyone else out then more power to him. Problem isn't with the kid; it's our expectations of what they "should" want.
     
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  20. ash d

    ash d Weekend Warrior

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    I don’t mind the electronics as much as long academics don’t suffer. If they do the electronics go away.


    Sent from my iPad using Bowhunting.com Forums
     

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