A student asked, "What gender is a computer? Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups- male and female- and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The men's group decided that computer should definitely be the feminine gender because: 1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic. 2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else. 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review. 4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. The women's group, however, concluded that computers should definitely be masculine because: 1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on. 2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves. 3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem. 4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited just a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
Idle Thoughts Of An Old Man's Wandering Mind. I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it? ******************** I had amnesia once---or twice? ******************** I went to San Francisco . I found someone's heart. Now what? ******************** Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic. ******************** All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. ******************** If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle. ******************** What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? ******************** They told me I was gullible and I believed them. ******************** Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway. ******************** Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone. ******************** One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. ******************** My weight is perfect for my height-- which varies. ******************** I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. ******************** How can there be self-help "groups"? ******************** If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales? ******************** Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off. ******************** Is it me --or do buffalo wings taste like chicken? ********************
There's nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you, in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it. A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?' 'There's something wrong with my willy', he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.' 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said. The Receptionist replied; 'Now you have caused some needless embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.' The man replied, 'You should not ask people questions in a roomful of strangers if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man then decided to walk out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??' 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated loudly. The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'What is wrong with your ear, Sir?' 'I can't pee out of it,' he replied. The waiting room erupted in laughter
This is what we who are aged 70 or 80 years plus, might look forward to. This is something that happened at an assisted living center. The people who lived there had small apartments, but they all ate at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly, so she went back to the dining area. An hour later he still hadn't arrived, so she went back up towards his room, but found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hard time. He had a death grip on the handrail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an ambulance, but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So, she helped him the rest of the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast. When he tried to return to his room, he was completely unable to get up even the first stair step, so they called an ambulance for him. A couple of hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one side of his boxer shorts. I'm sending this to my children so that they don't sell the house before they know all the facts.
It does bug me when I call to make an appointment with the nosey woman asking questions. I have even brought it up with my Dr. I show up for the appointment and he asks me what I am in for I say didn't the receptionist tell you?
Brought this up with my Dr He said to just tell them it’s personal i Sent from my iPhone using Bowhunting.com Forums
It's been a rough week. But on a positive note...…. I didn't need any bail money and didn't have to hide any bodies! ------------------------------- Well, I was going to turn all my guns over to the government, but...…. I did a back round check and none of them were mentally stable. ----------------------------------- I miss the good old days...…... remember when you could have an opinion, without offending someone?
Little Johnny grew up in the city, and went to visit his Uncle Joe on the farm. For the first few days, his uncle showed him the usual things- chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that Little Johnny was getting bored, and his uncle was running out of things to amuse him with. Finally, Uncle Joe had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer Little Johnny up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail. After a few hours, Little Johnny returned. "How did you enjoy that?" asked Uncle Joe. "It was great!" exclaimed Little Johnny. "Got any more dogs?"
The other night I got stuck in a line at the WalMart. After 5 minutes I coughed and said, "This cough has been getting worse ever since I got back from China." BOOM!!!! No more line!!!!
Did you hear the one about the man who opened a dry cleaning business next door to the convent? He knocked on the door and asked the Mother Superior if she had any dirty habits.
Parents are expected to participate in their children's education, and my friends were no exception. They gladly help their fifth-grade son, John, whenever he'’s stumped. One day after school, John ran into the house waving a paper in the air. “Hey, Mom, great news! There were only three mistakes on my math homework,” he announced. “You made one, Dad made one and I made one!”
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.... When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset."You're running around with other women," she told her mate. "Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth. "The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.
Hmmm. I guess this goes here...my, I guess, to-be, daughter in law shared this video...pretty funny, if you have a minute to burn.
One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex standing in the foyer of the church staring up at a large plaque. It was covered with names and small American flags mounted on either side of it. The six-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up; stood beside the little boy; and said quietly, “Good morning, Alex.” “Good morning. Pastor,” he replied, still focused on the plaque. “Pastor, what is this?” The pastor replied, “Well, son, it’s a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service.” Soberly, they just stood together, staring at the large plaque. Finally, little Alex’s voice, barely audible and trembling with fear asked,”Which service, the 8:00 or the 10:30?”
