The teacher was trying to get his seventh-grade history class students to think of how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," he asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water. The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar. Catching his breath, he puffed: "Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced. "Don't worry," the general said. "Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water."
SELLING UP-: Well, I'm posting this with a heavy heart As much as I love my guns and collecting them, they take up too much of my time and I struggle to keep up with the everyday basics such as cleaning and maintaining my home. I've been retired for 4 years now and find my time is not my own, loading bullets, casting, cleaning and repair, maintaining the house and the rest of the farm. So It's time to sell up, all must go, no reasonable offer refused Below is a list of what's available, please don't insult an aged pensioner with riduculous offers. Dustpan & Brush Sponges Dusters Mop & bucket Window cleaner Vacuum Dishwashing liquid (used) Laundry detergent Fabric softener Toilet brushes Floor cleaning sprays Honda motormower (not working for parts only) Scrubbing brushes
President Trump is walking out of the white house heading towards his limo when an assassin steps forward and aims a gun. A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts ‘Mickey Mouse!’ This startles the would-be assassin and he is captured. Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, ‘What in the hell made you shout Mickey Mouse?’ Blushing, the agent replies, ‘I got nervous. I meant to shout ‘Donald, duck!’
During his physical, the doctor asked the patient about his daily activity level He described a typical day this way: 'Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand and took four leaks behind big trees.' Inspired by the story, the doctor said, 'You must be one hell of an outdoors man!' 'NAH,' he replied, 'I'm just a lousy golfer.'
Amazon packed and sent them in the same package. Together. Arrived at the same time. Now I'll never know.
When wearing a bikini women reveal 90% of their body....Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.
A girl was given a tea set for her second birthday. It became one of her favorite toys, and when her mother went away for a few weeks to care for her sick aunt, the toddler loved to take her father a little cup of tea, which was just water really, while he was engrossed watching the news on TV. He sipped each "cup of tea" he was brought and lavished generous praise on the taste, leaving the little girl immensely proud. Eventually the mother returned home and the father couldn't wait to show her how his little princess had been looking after him. On cue, the girl took him his "cup of tea" and he sipped it before praising it to the heavens. The mother watched him drink it and said: "Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?"
My wife told me that she was cold this morning, I told her to go stand in the corner and she would warm up, how is this possible she asked. I told her the corner is 90 degrees.
A woman was at her husbands funeral. A man she did not know was sitting near her he asked her if he could have a word during the service. The woman replied sure. When the time comes the man stands up and says 1 word Plethora and sits back down. The wife leaned over and said thank you that means a lot.
