WHY WOMEN MAKE BETTER ASSASSINS The C I A had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were three finalists: two men and a woman. For the final test, the C I A agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her." The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent said, "Then you are not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.” The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife.” The agent said, "You don't have what it takes, so take your wife and go home.“ Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping sweat from her brow. "The gun was loaded with blanks," she said. "I had to kill him with the chair.” Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.
<div style="position:relative;height:0;padding-bottom:60.18%"><iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/QK3Eo9cScEQ?ecver=2" style="position:absolute;width:100%;height:100%;left:0" width="598" height="360" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe></div> lol...
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
Don't even think about it Old Man. You'll never get away with the "being a little boy" in the woman's locker room story again!
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You're in here a lot, are you an alcoholic?" The horse ponders a moment and says "I don't think I am", and poof, he disappears. This is where philosophy students start to snicker, as they are familiar with Descartes postulate, "I think, therefore I am". But, telling you that first would be putting Descartes before the horse.
Three econometricians went dear hunting and came across a nice buck. The first econometrician fired but missed by a yard left. The second econometrician fired also but missed by a yard right. The third econometrician didn't fire but shouted in triumph, "We got it! We got it".
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy." Passenger: "Sounds like he was really something special." Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.” Passenger: "Wow, what a guy!" Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman." Passenger: "How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife."
